I have been looking forward to this performance for a while. It took me forever to get the right choreo, the right floor to standing transition down, the right faces at the right times. But finally, I had it all down... PERFECTLY! I hit my marks every time. I knew exactly when to do what movements to accentuate the song and the story line. The costuming was perfect. Everything was amazing!
Then it happened.......
1) I caught a cold. It hit me Friday morning and I willed it to go away. "No it's just allergies." But early Saturday morning when I could not sleep in my hotel room and my throat was hurting, I knew I was in trouble. And by this morning, I knew I was toast! But the show must go on!!!! I got myself out of bed, did the running around I needed to do. I did a full dress rehearsal of my number and it was still perfect and then I rested as much as I could for a couple or hours before I had to start getting ready.
2) I go to do my hair. I knew what I wanted to do with my hair. I wanted two victory rolls to sit just above my bangs. I wanted the ends of my hair that was left down to do flip ups. My hair would not curl for the life of me. And the victory rolls looked like pure defeat! I couldn't even get my "normal" hair style to look right!
3) Time for make up.... This should be a no-brainer. I had been playing with make up since Thursday. My burlesque sister was talking about make up at our last bitch and stitch. Her advise: "If you don't wear make up on an every day basis, then when you are doing your stage make up, it needs to be notched up to 6 times what you think is good." *laugh* So I found some amazing darker purple eye shadow to play with. And yes, I bought eye lashes. I have used eyelashes before. It's a no-brainer. But for whatever reason, when I tried to wear them at belly dance on Saturday, they were driving me crazy. So, today I thought I would give them a try again. I pulled off the lash out of the case and was getting ready to glue it on, when I could not find my eye lash glue. Guess it must have gotten lost somewhere between Salt Lake City and Boise on Saturday. Deep breaths......
4) Back to my hair.... I burned my thumb on the curling iron that STILL was not curling my hair! How does that happen? Hot enough to burn my finger, but not hot enough to curl my hair? Finally. I got my hair done enough to call it "good", but it certainly wasn't what I was wanting. By this time I was exhausted. I was at a "I don't give a damn" state of feeling sick, but needing to keep it going. I had a performance to do!
5) Loaded up the car with not just my costume for tonight, but also my skates to try on on the stage for my next performance. I tried very hard to stay present while packing to make sure I didn't forget anything. I wanted to bring the tarp for my friends performance, just in case her other friend forgot the one she said she would bring. I realized half way to downtown Boise that I had forgotten the tarp. (and, as it turns out, her friend forgot the tarp as well.....*sigh*)
6) Arrive at Pengilly's early enough to get the seats for the 7 people that we needed. I was excited. Thanks to modern day Dayquil, I was alive and functioning. I had energy back. I was excited to perform. Everything was going smoothly. I had tried my skates on the stage and have a good idea of how can I can start choreo for my next performance. I was laughing and didn't feel nervous at all. I was excited to get up on stage and perform for my friends and the audience.
I was back stage with my friends helping them get dressed and laughing. I was talking the all important back stage selfies and getting things ready for my performance. I couldn't wait to see everyone perform. I was third on the set list!
My shoes that were on my chair were in the wrong hands to be put on my feet. (How did that happen? I am very methodical about getting my stuff set up properly.) My damn feet would not go into my shoes smoothly. Seriously? I even had hose on. This process of putting on my shoes took up entirely too many song counts! I stood up and had to rush to put on the wings. I made my mark to do a little intro spin with the wings. The crowd cheered at the beauty. Yes!!! I held up the wings to cover my body to begin stripping the robe I was wearing, and I felt the collar of the wings come undone. Oh no!!! I needed that for the wings to work! "Must continue to strip and dance, I will fix that when my back is to the audience."
I get my robe unzipped and my right arm out of the robe and I turn my back to the audience and continue stripping away the robe and throwing it to the side. I can hear the audience cheer! But my wings..... (I have been very careful with my wings. Once you have the edges in your hands, you don't want to let them go cause they can get lost and hard to find gracefully.... but I had to let them go to fix the collar!) I let go of my wings. I found the collar and fixed it. Then before I could find my edges, I turned around (because that is what my body is trained to do at this point in the song). But in rehearsal (and in a perfect world), I AM COVERED BY THE WINGS. Instead I am fully exposed for a much too early reveal of my shimmering bra and belt. And from there the choreo is all off as I fumble to find the edge of my wings. "Just keep smiling and moving... just keep dancing." And that is what I did. (Or at least, I *think* that is what I did.)
All of the perfection....all of the precisely designed choreo... all of the beautiful moves.. out the window. In that moment, it was all organic movement and all unrehearsed for the next 2 minutes of this dance.
I finished elegantly and walked off stage.
What the hell had just happened??? I was so upset. I realize it is a solo. I realize no one knows what my choreo was supposed to look like. The only people who had seen it were Tracy, and a couple of friends who had seen my practice videos. Other than that, no one knew. But *I* knew.
Once dressed in street clothes and back out in the audience. Everyone tells me how beautiful it was. "Where did you get that gold thing?" (my wings) "Simply gorgeous." "Your smile is contagious." And from my closest friends and family.. "You were beautiful." "Because I know you and your facial expressions, I know you were upset, but you were gorgeous!!!" *sigh*
My husband, god bless his soul, "It's not perfection that makes a great performer, but how you respond to the unexpected that makes you a true performer." Just call me Janet Jackson......after last night, I am the queen of wardrobe malfunctions... only my nipples weren't exposed!
After the show, I just came home and went right to bed. As I laid in bed, my last thoughts before sleep were, "Oh my god, that was horrible!" And I about cried myself to sleep.
For all of the "Omg, that was horrible" thoughts, my thoughts were not about how I felt about what I did, but how I felt I had let my mentor, Frankie, down. I think the "let down" also has to do deal with this dance being what it was.... the dance called "Return to Joy". I chose this song and this dance and the choreo as a rebirth from death/mourning to joy. Nick asked me to perform to "Feeling Good" by Michael Buble, but I told him "no" because it was "over done and cliche". But I found the rendition by Muse and thought it suited Nick perfectly. This dance was my heart and soul... done for Nick. It was more than just a dance on stage.
*sigh* Onward and upward. I have another performance in 2 weeks. No time to dwell on this one. I have costumes to make and choreo to create and practice to do!!!! Oh ya... and rugs to find so that I CAN practice on my floors at home.
Here's to a better performance next time... but first... I need to sleep this creeping crud off!
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