There really isn't a whole lot to say about today. I took Omi to school then took Tracy to the airport. On the way to the airport and back to Meridian, I kept falling asleep at the stop lights. That is how sick I am. I wasn't tired. Just sick.
I came home and went back to sleep on the couch until after 1pm. I was totally dreaming about my teeth hurting while I ate because I was sick. Even in my dreams, I am not feeling well. Weird.
When I finally got up off the couch, my left ear is filled with fluid. It feels like it needs to be popped (like from air pressure). I have tried popping my ear to no avail. However, If I tilt my head back, I can feel the fluid drain. When I bring my head back to neutral, the fluid fills my ear again. There is no pain (yet). I am totally praying that my ear just stays stuffed with no pain. Tomorrow, I will be making a visit to the doc in a box. Joy!
I have also fallen in love with a new TV show on HULU, "Behind the Mask" about people who are mascots. I love mascots and the whole idea behind them. I remember getting to play with them when I was in junior high/early high school with my church. I totally wanted to go to college for puppetry. There is something so freeing about being able take on a different persona. Maybe that is why I love burlesque so much? I always loved dressing up as a clown or in some kind of costume. It's just fun. And watching these people behind the masks is fascinating. I washed a teenage girl go out for state and national mascot competition and I swear she had the same kinds of malfunctions in her competition that I did in my performance last night! I watched her bounce back and keep doing what she loves. I felt her pain and her successes. It's those bumps in the road that make us better at what we do. Another young adult had Autism and General Anxiety Disorder, yet as soon as he gets into character, he is a different person and the anxiety disappears. It's a cool process to watch. I"m not sure that is a viable career decision for everyone, but it works for him.
And then tonight, Naomi had an anxiety melt down. *sigh* OF course it would happen today with Tracy gone and my hearing being out cause of the creeping crud. I cant' cuddle her for fear of getting her sick. All I could do was caresses her arm or her head as she cried. I feel so helpless. She doesn't want to go to school. There isn't one specific thing that is bothering her, but in general she is having a very hard time. I have given her tips and suggestions to find the positive in school. I have gone over the, "What you are looking for, you will find" philosophy. But ugggg!!! I feel like she just thinks that is lip service and not real. But it is totally real! How do you get that through a teenager's head? How do you help someone from looking at "every one's an asshole" to "the possibilities of happiness are endless"? How do you get a teenager to understand that who you surround yourself with on a regular basis really does affect the way you look at the world? It's not that she surrounds herself with bad kids; she doesn't. They are great kids. But like attracts like. And it seems as though so many kids have anxiety issues. It has reached epidemic proportions. If you are constantly surrounded by people who are in constant states of anxiety all of the time, then you will be that way too. IF you surround yourself with people who are positive and forward moving, then that will rub off on you as well. How do you get a teenager to understand this? Hell, I know adults who don't understand this.
I do the best I can, but its moments like tonight where I just feel helpless. I have agreed to let her take a mental health day tomorrow. 1) Because she told me that today she was so anxious she was physically dry heaving in school. 2) I'm so sick that getting up and taking her to school in the morning does not sound like a great plan. 3) I am going to need her help tomorrow if I am still sick. However, I hate having her missing school because of her anxiety. School is not something she can just "not do". She can't hide in her house to avoid anxiety. That is not the way life works. But how do I , as a mom, reconcile the amount of inner pain she feels when she leaves in the morning?
And yes, I realize today is the 9th. I know tomorrow is the 10th. And I the cycle in this family since November 10th is to silently cycle and implode close to the 10th of every month. This date and her melt down is not lost on me.
Okay.. I'm gonna try to get some sleep....here's to a brighter tomorrow.
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