cause I look like crapola! It has nothing to do with grief on my face, and everything to do with being sick. LOL No one needs to see that!
Nothing real major to report considering I have been on the couch all day. I wanted to sleep but I felt too bad to sleep. Instead I watched a marathon of LGBT movies on Netflix: The Birdcage, Geography Club, The Kids Are All Right, In and Out and then a non LGBT movie called Muriels Wedding. I did manage to find some sleep after my marathon of movies. I got about 45 minutes in.
Not sure that this cold is going away anytime soon......I will just continue to rest. I think my body is just done with stress.
Movies have way to tapping into part of the sadness from losing Nick. You never know what movie you are going to watch that will tap into that. And today in my movie marathons, I hit one of those. It was the very end of In and Out the parents were renewing their 42nd anniversary wedding vows. Tracy and I have done renewed our vows twice and both times Nick was there. The last time, all of my kids were there. We have beautiful pictures from that day. But this made me sad....I wanted to have a big celebration of our 25th wedding anniversary with the kids. I wanted to have a big party with the kids. Tracy didn't want to. He wanted to go to Belize and said that any wedding renewal/party like I wanted should be planned by our children for us. I'm not sure why he thinks that. But its what he thinks. And now, Nick will never be there. I do not regret Belize at all. And I realize we can't know what the future leads. It's not that I am mad that we did Belize...it's more like I'm sad that Nick is gone and won't be there for future celebrations. I never in my life imagined my life without all of my children in it. And now every dream for my future is having to be reshaped and every time something significant happens, Nick will be missed.
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