Gratefully, Nate got up with Omi today and took her to school so that I could sleep in and rest. I rolled out of bed at 10:30 still feeling feverish and icky. I sounded better, but I still felt miserable. I made something to eat and by the time I ate my lunch and watched a bit of TV I was ready for a nap.
I managed to roll out of bed to get Omi to her therapy today and I sat under an open sun roof and enjoyed the warm sun. But that little outing about took it all out of me, and I still had plans for join my friend and her family for her birthday sushi. I rested for a bit then got up to get dressed and ready. Ran to the store to find the perfect gift for her and went met the family for dinner.
I love Sushi and I never get it, so it was exciting. Mishi and I shared 2 different rolls and boy was it delicious. I love her family and it is always so much fun to hang with them. Mishi was one of our very first friends when we moved to Idaho. I remember my first birthday in Idaho and the gift she gave me way back when. It still makes me smile. Over the years she has come and gone out of my life, but I am so happy she is back and we are so close. As sick as I am, there was really no way I was going to miss celebrating this birthday with her.
So last night I had THE WORST dream ever! It was a dream about losing Nick, but so much more than that. I actually had a couple of stressful bad dreams about Nick last night. The first one I was dreaming about a scavenger hunt of sorts in my back yard. We were looking for horcruxes (is that how you spell it from Harry Potter?) . They were buried deep in the over growth of my back yard. The back yard was swamped in. It was gross and it was rainy. There were huge thunderstorms. Then we saw an explosion in the clouds and a plan fall from the sky. It had been hit by a lightening bolt. It was pretty far away, but you could tell what it was. Then it happened again. Then it happened a 3rd time but this time it was in front of my house and the plane was falling towards my house and I saw it take out the corner of my house where Naomi had been sleeping in her room. My house went into flames. I tried to run into the house to get her, but that part of the house was gone. I was lost and scared and out of breath and all I could think was, "I can't lose another child! How am I going to explain this to Tracy" (who was out of town in my dreams and who IS out of town in real life right now.) I woke up sitting straight up and gasping for air. I almost crawled into Naomi's bed last night. When I finally got it out of my mind and could go back to sleep I kept dreaming about work. I was working for some grocery store company. And for whatever reason I had gotten fired or I quit but I kept thinking I was working there. There was all of this drama going around. But I kept telling them that I needed time off to go to Nick's graduation in London. London??? I kept dreaming that there was a problem with passports cause Nate didnt' have one and wasnt' sure how he was going to fly. (When Nick died, Nate had lost his drivers license and we weren't sure how they were going to let him on the plane.) Then I couldn't figure out why we were going to London for his graduation, when his graduation was in Florida and I was panicking cause we bought the wrong tickets and we were going to miss his graduation. I woke up all kinds of stressed!
I was about to say... "I guess I went long enough without Nick dreams, it was time to have them again." When I just realized that its PMS time and I am a HUGE dreamer at PMS time. So these dreams make sense. I just wish I had happier dreams and didnt' dream about things that make me sad.
Tonight while I was at the store buying Mishi's birthday gift, I walked past the Easter stuff. My family is not huge on the Easter holiday. We do eggs and stuff, but it really isn't a huge deal in general. It is not a huge family day for us. So I guess I didn't think not having Nick around would be a big deal. Heck I don't even know when Easter is (other than some time in March this year). But as I passed by the stuff, I thought about Nick. And I remembered the time right before my first back surgery. I could only lay flat. I was so freakin' miserable and in so much pain. I wanted so desperately to be part of Easter with the kids. So I went out into the living room and sat in the recliner and Tracy hid the eggs on me so that I would be included in the Easter fun. *laugh* At tat point, Nick was hiding the eggs and not hunting. I think the next year is when our bonus child, Cody, came to visit and we all went to Shoshone Falls to go hiking. I made Cody, Susan, Nick, Nate, Naomi all Easter baskets with homemade necklaces and they all got t-shirts. It was a fun day of laughing with all of the kids. I think that might have been Nick's last Easter home (I'm not entirely certain). I miss my son.
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