I think I have almost gone a week without bad dreams. Actually, I have had some pretty fun dreams that I have not wanted to wake up from! This is a good thing.
Over the weekend, our bonus kids (Jared and Breezy) came for a visit. It was tons of fun to have them here. Lots of drinking...lots of laughs. Actually, its the laughs part that I really appreciated. This house needed those laughs. All of my kids here laughed and for a moment or two, it felt kind of right in our world. I'm grateful for Jared and Breezy bringing some light and laughter into our lives. It was a great way for Omi to end her winter break and go back to school...and for Nate to once again start his interview process. And Shane loved the visit from his doggy cousins! Not sure Stripes or Grommit liked the intrusion of 2 more large dogs in the house, but they survived.
I kind of feel like life is settling in, which is a good thing. Stripes (who was peeing around the house before we left) has stopped that bad behavior. He is still cranky,and my mom taught him some bad habits while she was staying here, but we have broken him of those as well. I think he is finally calming down some. Yay! (It may have something to do with a new HUGE cat living upstairs...who knows.)
Today was a roller coaster of emotions. I woke up and started my day pissed at the world. The "20 somethings" were drinking and partying upstairs last night and a glass or something (that was setting on the ledge of the loft) fell off and shattered and splattered soda all over my beautiful floors and my walls downstairs. My floors were sticky, the tables that got splattered were sticky and my walls still had soda droppings on them. I used the swifter on the floors, but that is all I had time for before I had to pick up my mom to take her to get her driver's test. (The kids tried to clean it up last night, but obviously it didn't all get taken care of.) So that is how my day started.......
I took mom to get her driver's test. In Idaho, you only have to take a written test. She passed. I jokingly said, "Uh Oh.. watch Boise." And the man sitting beside me said, "I just passed too. Stay off the sidewalks." And in the spirit of this silliness my mom was not thinking and made an insensitive joke. "Motorcycles watch out" (or something to that affect.) ...........
Now before you go all "mamma bear"on her (which I totally did right there in public), to my mom's defense, we had told her that we were uncomfortable with older people driving and very sensitive especially with motorcycles. I really don't know HOW or WHY she thought (in her head) that this would be funny or cute or entertaining, but she meant no malice. That, however, did not stop me from yelling rather loudly in the DMV. (Or whats seemed to me to be very loudly.....no security was called so I must not have made that big of a scene.) I spent the next 10 minutes having a very tense conversation with my mom about why this was not okay and how I didn't think Michaelene Blair (at 83 years old) did not have enough life in her to suffer enough for what she did to Nick and my family. By the time, I dropped my mom off at her apartment, I am pretty certain she felt as small as an aunt. She did try apologizing to me.. over and over again, but I was just too angry.
Then I came back home and walked on my pretty floors only to hear the disgusting sounds of stickiness! OMG!!!!!!!! I was seeing red! I can't wet mop the floor...but I do not know how to get the sticky off. I got out the pine-sol and wiped down the walls. At least they are clean now. And I used the swifter again. But even now as I type... the floor is still sticky.
I took Nate to the "auditions" to work at Dutch Bros. It took him 2 hours to even get to the interview process. I took a rare nap in the car. That helped with my anger issues. I really do love that kid. He has one of the best personalities I have ever seen, and he is so darned cute! I really hope he gets this job. He would fit right in. I don't think he understands just how much I love him and how amazing I think he is.
Anyway.....I took a picture of me before my nap, and you can totally tell I was very cranky. *laugh*
Back to my mom's insensitive joke. This is not the first time she has said something insensitive. For that matter, she is not the only grandma type in our lives to say things that are insensitive. Usually it is about the way someone looks. For instance, Naomi is constantly getting, "You hair looks nice, but I miss you blond hair." Or simply... "I miss you blond hair." Whatever it is, it makes Naomi feel like she is not respected and frustrates her. My mom does the same thing. I just got my hair back to purple. "You got your hair done. I like your red hair." Or....."I never see you wearing your color. I just want you to be pretty, and you are pretty when you wear your colors." (If you have no idea what "your color" means, look up "Color Me Beautiful") They do not mean to be insensitive, but they are. They lack tact. It's not just about me, and its not just to me. It happens all the time about everything. Today the driving thing was just the cherry on top. So I am trying very hard to understand and be compassionate and to let it go. But it begs the question..... is this an age thing? Is there a certain age that marks a time in our lives where we can say whatever we want and get away with it? Like... "I have lived this long, so I get to say whatever the hell I want!" If that is the case, can I please get there cause I have a few unfiltered things I would like to say to a few choice people (and I'm not talking about my mom... just people in general) :).
Here is the other more serious and sensitive subject I have been thinking about since Nick's accident. Elderly drivers. This is a very sensitive issue for everyone, and I get it. The fact is, we are ALL going to be elderly on day. And one day, we are ALL going to be told, "It's probably not a good thing for you to continue driving." As an adult child to a senior citizen, I am in a very rough situation. As a mom who just lost her son to an 83 year old driver, I am very biased. I am trying VERY hard to be compassionate and understanding and objective. But honestly, even before Nick's accident, watching elderly drivers scares me. Many drivers drive as though they are drunk....ie: being too cautious which can also cause accidents. Some of them, like in Florida, travel to states they are not familiar with and drive sporadically because they do not know the area. (This happens alot in Boise...with people of all ages...when they come from the rural parts of Idaho into the "big city".) They don't see well at night and they continue to drive. Their reaction times are slower (like someone who has been drinking) because it takes longer to process things. This isn't about being prejudice about age, its an observation. Their bodies move slower because of range of motion issues due to health issues; this affects their driving. It's not EVERYONE who is at this age, but it is many of them. And will one day be ME. I get it. Hell, even NOW, I have a very hard time seeing at night, and I would prefer not to drive and will happily hand over the keys. When I had my concussion, I happily handed over keys. When I had multiple personality issues, I happily handed over keys. I knew I wasn't safe to drive. So I do get it.
But I wonder if THEY get it. I wonder if they hear me and my kids talk and think, "You are just trying to take away my independence!" or "You just don't understand. Wait till you are our age!"
But at what price do we wait? And on the flip side, if they live some place rural with no family near them, what would happen if they lost their license?
I honestly think there needs to be a mandatory practical driving re-test at certain age intervals. Anyone can study a book and pass a multiple choice test, but that doesn't mean they are safe behind a wheel. And in some cases, like Florida, you can move there and not be required to take even the written exam! How scary is that??? Each state has its own rules and each state has its own driving situations. And everyone should be required to take practical tests when moving into a new state and at a certain age, re-tests should be mandatory. Our health changes. Our brains change. Our bodies change. And sometimes those changes make us unfit to drive. I do not know what the answer is for when those licenses are revoked. I have talked to several people about this. "Well if you can't drive, then maybe you are not safe to live at home alone." Maybe. And maybe you can't afford assisted living. And maybe there are year or more waits to get into those places. So what then? I don't have those answers. All I do know is, I am scared. My mom passed her written test today. She says she will not drive at night because she does not like to. She will not drive when weather is bad (like all winter long it seems). But I do not know if she could pass a practical driving exam or not, and it is not required. I know I would feel safer if I knew she could pass that test, and I could ask that she take the test, but then that falls solely on me. If she took it (at my request) and lost her license, guess who would get blamed for taking away her independence? (I have already been accused of that by her amazing friends in Florida.) Families should not have to bear that cross. This should be a state mandatory thing. And on the flip side, what if my mom does have an a horrible accident and it ends tragically and I did nothing to prevent it....what kind of guilt would I live with....both from not protecting the other person involved and from not protecting my own mom from that kind of horrible tragedy.
Like I said, this needs to be a government mandated/regulated thing.
Can someone please let me off of this emotional roller coaster. It's just not fun anymore!
PS.....Mom, if you are reading this, I love you and I have the utmost respect for you. This has little to do with you and MUCH MORE to do with the situation at large and the loss of my son and ways I can find to protect this kind of thing from happening again......and trying very hard to be compassionate and understanding while also trying to change the laws (that will affect you, if that kind of thing ever really happens).
No comments:
Post a Comment