Naomi has spent many years being bullied and really feeling the affects of low self esteem. What I taught her as a tween has just kinda gotten forgotten. I have wracked my brain trying to figure out what we could do to help her self-esteem and prove to herself that she is stronger than she thinks she is. What I know from all of the self-help stuff I have done and from my own personal life experience is that in order to learn that you are stronger than you think you are, you need to make yourself uncomfortable. You need to do something crazy and follow through with it, even if it looks like you "fail", at least you pushed yourself and tried and learned valuable lessons along the way. However, with everything I have done over the years: board breaking, arrow breaking at my neck, walking on coals, cliff jumping, marathon running, ultra marathon running, belly dance, burlesque, 400 mile bike rides...the thing that I have learned the most from is my training for the ultra marathon (or any of my races where I spent HOURS upon HOURS by myself, pushing myself to meet a goal or just finish a race when I felt like shit and thought I would die).
With that said, I asked Naomi (who used to do 5Ks with me and called them marathons..when she was 5) today if she wanted to do a 1/2 marathon with me today. I told her we could walk the 1/2 marathon, and we would need to train for it to build up her distances. To my shock and surprise she said yes and sounded rather eager! I explained that this would be a good way for her to find out what she is made of and to push herself and do something she never thought she could do. There is a lot of strength and self wisdom to be gained in this process. And we are going to do it together! I am excited to be on this journey with her! She is fully in because once we bought her some winter running gear and some running shoes, that means she is ALL in! It's all about the clothes, don't you know? We had to have a little lesson about what is appropriate running gear (socks, shoes, clothing). What does wicking mean. Why can't she wear cotton socks or anything else made of cotton. How to keep warm. We discussed layering. It' a whole education, that I certainly didn't have when I took up this sport. *laugh* We had a great time shopping for our 1/2 marathon training...now we just need to train. I guess we could have gone out in the rain today, but I want her to LIKE this...... *laugh*
Today has been amazing day. We started it out with the Add The Words Rally in downtown Boise at the State Capitol. There were easily 1000 people there. There was lots of laughter, hugs, tears, dancing, and singing. And LOTS of selfies were taken. Add The Words is a movement to add "Gender Identity" and "Sexual Orientation" to the Idaho Human Rights Act to protect those people in the LGBT community from being fired or evicted. After 9 years of trying to get a hearing, the state of Idaho has finally decided to give Add The Words a hearing which starts the week of January 26th. Finally we have an opportunity to not just be heard but to PASS this bill and protect our citizens!! Today, Omi, Tracy and I stood holding our church banner and our friend Mishi joined us. Being there with my family means the world to me. Being there with Mishi means even more than I can say on this blog. I love my supportive amazing community!!!
After the rally, Omi ran off with her voice instructor, Leta, (who was also at the rally) to her voice lessons while Tracy, Mishi and I went to coffee. I had THE BEST Chai Latte made with coconut milk. OMG!!! So amazing!!!
Anyway... Oh also.... last night, Tracy and I had a sit down chat with Omi and her boyfriend. I found out that they had been skyping and falling asleep while skyping and the skype would stay on. So basically, they are connected 24 hours a day. They say they do this because it helps with their anxiety. But in reality, I think it keeps their anxiety going. There is something to be said for being detached for a little bit....for being by yourself and with your own thoughts. Always leaning on people makes you weaker. Self reliance is a muscle that needs to be exercised. If you are constantly leaning on other people, you never know what it is like to stand on your own two feet and you become weaker and more dependent on other people. It's a trap. At first it feels good to have someone you love right there with you, and then soon (if you don't take time to be alone) you become so dependent on them and they on you, that it becomes unhealthy.
We set new boundaries for Omi. At 10:00 PM, her phone and her computer will be taken to our bedroom. She does not need them in the middle of the night.
1) To have a radio on, a TV on, or even a skype channel up and active tells your unconscious that it needs to be awake and alert and it does not allow you to get the kind of rest you need. Don't believe me? Try falling asleep with the TV on and see what kind of dreams you have? I guarantee you they will be about whatever is on that TV.
2) No one needs to be connected 24/7. NO ONE! (here is where I start to sound old). Tracy and I didn't have this kind of technology at our hands when we were kids. Yes, we had phones. But we had rules. NO phone calls after 10pm. (Sometimes we broke those rules and hoped we didn't get busted......HOWEVER, we NEVER stayed up all night on the phone.) We spent time disconnected from each other. More importantly, we are married now and Tracy travels or I am out of town and we still don't stay connected 24/7... even when we miss each other so much that it hurts!
Teenagers these days have entirely too much technology at their disposal. Thanks to what Tracy does for a living, our kids have always had computers. But it wasn't until this past Summer that they got smart phones. And Tracy taught Naomi how to skype a while ago so she could talk to her cousins. But man, kids these days are constantly connected. Either via social media or their blasted phones or both! And its just not good for them. I think this constant connectivity helps aggravate Omi's anxiety.... for several reasons.....
1) Comparing yourself to other's lives.
2) Allowing kids to be mean and passive aggressive if not down right obnoxious very publicly or privately via PMs
3) Always being connected and never spending time alone prevents them for learning to listen to their inner dialogue
4) always being connected keeps them from getting out into nature and being active which helps prevent depression
5) ... Well the list could go on and just thinking about it makes my head hurt *laugh*
I was also told that for anxiety, you should disconnect at least an hour before bed time in order to help you unwind and sleep. I know this is true in my own case. If I am on line right before I go to bed and something (even good) can pop up on my screen that can keep me awake or cause me to stress over something. You mind needs down time. This isn't just computer related.. its TV related as well. What you watch right before you go to bed sets the tone for how well you will sleep. (Or at least it does on my end.) I try to watch a comedy or something light hearted before I sleep. And when I was recovering from my head trauma, my brain needed frequent breaks for ANY stimulation in order to heal and regenerate. People with Anxiety need this as well.
So yes, we set new boundaries for Omi. We thought we would come up against a huge temper tantrum. But instead, I think Omi looked a bit relieved. I don't know if she was, but she certainly didn't fight us. Neither did Kasey. Actually, we taught him something he didn't know about his brain, which is cool. And today, she has been reminding me over and over again that we need to buy her a real alarm clock (since she uses her phone). So not only is she NOT against it, but she is supporting it!
Tonight as I started my blog, Omi even asked me how I decide what to write in my blog. I discussed my thought processes and how it works. Who knows. Maybe she will start journaling on her own. I keep telling her that it would be good for her. Then she asked me what my #100happydays picture would be. I told her it would probably be the selfie of me, her and Tracy at the rally today. The smile on her face was priceless. I love hanging out with her, and I am very grateful for the time I have been getting with her lately.
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