January 23, 2015 Quite the Opposite of Yesterday!

Hey, everyone!

I know yesterday's blog post was a real downer.  It happens.  This week has been a rough week for the entire family.  Each one of us has struggled for various reasons.  But last week, I was having an amazing week.  This is just the way my life is at the moment.  I know several of you were very worried about me, and I am grateful for friends who are concerned.  I love you all very much.

In case you didn't hear, I did decide to go snowboarding with the family last night.  It was a bit emotional.  I had made a silent vow to myself that I would NOT go skiing at Bogus this year.  My kids grew up on that mountain.  Being there without Nick this year...and remembering all of the great times with all of the kids would be harsh.  And it was emotional. Nate held me in the middle of the "horseshoe" (That is the what the kitchen staff call the area where you get your food) of the Simplot Lodge as my eyes filled with tears.  Omi was having a panic attack on the slopes.  But even with all of that, we managed to have a great time last night.  We laughed.  We played.  For Nate, snowboarding is therapy, so this did him wonders!  For Tracy being up there with his friend from work and being silly made all the difference.  For Omi, I think just time with the family and facing her fears on Bogus helped (whether she will admit it or not).  And for me, saying hello to old memories and remembering my kids playing and the freedom I feel while shredding the mountain felt amazing.  It felt great to be up there!

Last night my sleep was filled with nightmares and weird dreams.  Each one of us at home has nightmares (about Nick) most nights.  None of us are alone in that regard.  The dreams are different, none of them are the same, and in probably most cases, have nothing to do with real life events other than he lived and he died and maybe something to do with our personal relationships with him.  Not all dreams are nightmares, but because they make us sad or emotional, they could be construed that way.  However, my dream last night was a flat out nightmare about Nick being tortured and brutally murdered.  It was horrific.  I woke up with my eyes wide awake, breathing fast and remembering that this is NOT real.  Then my dreams went a completely different direction to LDS type church and polygamist communities and babies being born to families and young married couples struggling to fit in to the old ways in hold hand me down homes with old hand me down furniture. Very interesting and stressful all at the same time.

Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling out of sorts just cause I didn't sleep well at all last night.  However, thanks to a great night of snowboarding last night, I was feeling re-vitalized and ready to hit the ground running today.

While I waited for Omi to get dressed and come down stairs, I checked my email.  And there, I got some of the best news ever!  Nick's article in Nature Magazine was finally released today!!!  This is a HUGE deal.  Only 1/3 of the people who submit to this publication get published and its even more rare for an undergrad to get published.  Nick knew he was being published.  He knew he was receiving this HUGE honor.  To have his name listed 2nd as the author (along side his Ph.d mentors) was HUGE!  This was going to be his key to get him into grad school!  How many people at 25 can say that they have changed science forever?  That they have left their mark on the world and how we look at the world?  Nick did just that!  I could not be any prouder! I could not shout this any louder!  I have shared it on Facebook. I sent an email to his high school principal.  I am even considering sending it to his Junior High VP (who works some place different now) just because that VP HATED Nick and thought he was nothing but a thug.  Nick may have struggled in school, but look at what he accomplished!  My heart soars!!!!

Nick's Article

I'm not going to lie, though.  Seeing the word "Deceased" by his name made me cry.  Seeing the photos that Nick was responsible for capturing made me cry.  I remember when he captured them and how excited he was!  He KNEW what a huge discovery he made.  Everything about this makes me cry.  He was still in college.... and look what he did.  The "what ifs" about what he could have done had he stayed on this planet boggle my mind.  Yet, I know that the mark he leaves on the scientific community is priceless!

Today, Nate, Suzy and I were hanging out in the kitchen talking about this and we all cried.  Nate gathered us in his arms and the 3 of us cried in our kitchen.  It was a happy cry, celebrating Nick.  The article is an online publication only, but the publishing company is binding it in hard copy for us.  Suzy said that if Nick had been alive, they would have gone out to have steaks to celebrate tonight.  So we will wait until the hard copies arrive, and THEN we will go out and celebrate with Steaks and Gitas!

Some more good news....  Today I got my Subaru back from the collision repair place!  Woohooo!!!! We have our own car back!!!  I could not be any happier!  This means that Nate can borrow my car to go on interviews or I can enlist him to help drive people around.  I don't have to be the only person driving all the damn time now!  Woohooo!!!!

Oh and even more good news.   My sister in law, Misty, sent me this message on facebook: "I just got the green light to work on my chamber ensemble piece dedicated to Nick called Swirling Cosmos. I mean, I was going to finish it anyway, but I'll be working with an experienced professional this way. " 

I can not wait to hear what musical creation she is birthing!!!!!  She totally made me cry with this news today!  

Yes, it has been an emotional day for the Spiva family, near and far!  But it has been a good day.

I'm grateful for good news today!  I'm grateful for the smiles I see on my kids faces today!  I'm grateful for the ability to weather the storms, even when they seem so dang bleak!  I'm grateful to YOU for reading this!