Even though Omi can take the bus to school, I am getting up and taking her myself. At first we were excited for her to take the bus cause we thought it would give her a chance to make friends in the neighborhood and thus at school. But that is really not happening. And now with Nick's accident, she is not sleeping and waking up with major panic attacks. Waking up with a panic attack is never fun, now think about getting onto a loud bus packed with high schoolers first thing in the morning. Ya, not so much fun. By the time Omi gets to school, she can sometimes be a complete wreck before even getting off of the bus. (She had serious anxiety issues before school started, and had gotten tons better before Nick's accident.) The other day, she had a really bad panic attack in school and was a complete wreck when she got home from school. I decided that I would take her to school every day to help her ease her way in to the day. She also has permission to go and sit in the nurses office or the counselors office to just breathe and center herself during the day if she needs it. She just won't take it. Missing classes is something that she doesn't really like to do. However, everyone at school knows about what happened to Nick and she has been given an "out" while she heals. She said its her panic attack brought on by school and she can't be in school its too hard. I had to explain to her that this isn't just about school and it isn't just school that is bringing on the panic attacks. I reminded her that she had gotten tons better before Nick's accident, and now the grief is triggering more. The grief that she feels makes everything heavier and more intense. And THAT is what is causing the big panic attacks. And I reminded her to be gentle with herself and take time for herself in school.
Anyway, all of that happened yesterday. So today, I got up early to get her to school. Good thing, too, cause she was still asleep! Then I had to get Tracy to work and I could head to the gym. I worked out for an hour or so. My arms were noodles by the time I was done! It feels great to be back in the gym.
My body may not look like the size 10 it used to be, but it sure feels like the size 10 on the inside. Now it's just a matter of getting the outside to match the inside :).
I came home and at lunch and read my new book some and then ended up taking a nap. I was so exhausted. I know that the grief makes me a bit more exhausted than normal. I don't usually take naps during the day, but I am finding myself more exhausted at like 1-2pm. If I am not eating something or drinking caffeine, I need to sleep and rest. And that is okay. I give myself permission to take a nap today.
I know this blog is kinda of boring today, but today just felt kinda like a normal day. Or as close to one as I have had in a very long time. I'll take it!
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