We took Omi to voice lessons and instead of our usual hang out a the bagel shop, we went for a walk at the MK Nature Center. It was bitter sweet. Tracy suggested it, and I didn't think much about it until we arrived. It was the place we took our kids last summer to take family photos. I walked by the 3 owls where the kids put their faces in to take pictures and my heart about broke. I did my very best to stay present during this walk and enjoy the beautiful day with my hubby.
The park was crowded with families. Little ones were running around and parents were talking to them about what they were seeing. It took me back to our first years here 12 years ago and our kids running through the paths. Tracy and I sat and watched and listened to the birds as memories came and went.
It was time to leave and as we walked passed the owls again, I slip my hand over the biggest owl.. the one Nick put his face through over the summer. My way of sending him love.
We decided that after picking up Omi and then her boyfriend, we would go for a motorcycle ride. Once again.. bitter sweet. It was a beautiful day. And it was my first ride on a motorcycle since Nick died on his. I wasn't sure how I would feel. I had been kind of dreading that first ride. However, there was no fear while on the bike. (Which is what I thought I would be afraid of.) Instead, just lost of memories of Nick. I had to keep bringing myself back to the present and enjoy the ride. I also did some texting with a friend to kind of keep me distracted. But it didn't take me long to put away the phone and just be present with my thoughts and the day.
Tracy and I stopped at Initial Point in the Kuna desert and hiked up for a bit. It was getting cold and very windy. But it was a nice time out side. I needed that. Tracy needed that. It was good.
But still.. all in all.. I was pensive today. And that is okay.
I also realized, while I was texting my friend today, that I had been kind of escaping my world while texting him. I thought he didn't know about Nick. He never told me he knew. Yes, he is on facebook, but never done anything with it so I didn't think he saw it. Anyway, we have been texting alot lately and it was fun to talk to someone who didn't know about Nick. Then after talking for a while, I said something about Nick. I decided I should probably tell him. Then he tells me he has known since the beginning. He saw it on facebook. He just didn't say anything cause he didn't know what to say and figured if I wanted to talk about it, I would. I found that sweet. He gave me the space that I guess I didn't really realize that I need. Crazy how much we do things and don't realize we are doing them.. and I'm very grateful for a friend who sensed this and gave me that space.
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