I have to say that my life is very blessed. Really it is. I have some of the most amazing, supportive, loving friends and community a woman could ever ask for. The other day I was thinking about the years where I spent volunteering for the Junior League of Boise teaching self-esteem classes to tween girls, being a girl scout leader, volunteering at a.l.p.h.a. all at the same time. My job seriously was a full-time volunteer. I spent more hours in volunteer time than most people spent in a full time job. It was rewarding work and I loved it. And it took everything I had out of me. Seriously. I had no idea that one day, I would be the recipient of such kindness and goodness the way that I have been blessed since Nick's death. When I volunteered, I never did it with the thought that "one day this will come back to me"; yet, it has and it continues to. I do not take any of this for granted. Not one little bit. I am humbled and my heart is filled with such gratitude.
Today started out with a brain child of an idea to go by the ReStore to see if they had any suitable used mirrors that I could use for a dance studio. I seriously need mirrors to see how my Isis Wings look when I dance. The one little "dressing" mirror that I have just doesn't do that job. Sure enough, they had lots of choices to choose from. I ended up with 2 3'x4' (ish) mirrors. Once they are set on a small table, they are the perfect! I spent the morning, getting them set up in my living room and danced my morning away! I had so much fun practicing my burlesque routine!
I also received an amazing message and gift from amazing friends today. I do not know if I can talk about it publicly, but they know who they are and what they have done for me and Omi. But Omi and I will be continuing our journey of half-marathons to keep up with the healing work! We can not wait to see what comes next in our training and races as a mom and daughter team!
Then it was time to just chill and relax before this evenings sweat lodge.
When Nick was a teenager, he did a couple of sweats with his young men's group, and Wytomi used to lead those lodges. When Wytomi's partner (My friend, Christian) heard about Nick's death, she talked with Wytomi and they offered to do a very special sweat lodge for our family to do some release work regarding Nick's death. Tonight was the night. Of the 5 of us, only Tracy and I have done sweat lodges. Suzy and Nick put a sweat lodge on their vision board when they were teenagers. They had always planned on doing one together. So today, it was Suzy, Nate and Omi's first sweat lodge. Nate was a bit worried about getting sick from the heat like he does at hot springs. He was pretty certain he didn't want to go, but he agreed to go anyway.
Wytomi is very good at what he does. It was just our family, Wytomi, Christina (his girlfriend...my friend) and one of Wytomi's students (Christy). We chanted, we remembered Nick. We expressed and released our anger, and filled the new hole created by the release of anger with love and a promise to live our lives with passion and purpose (the way Nick would have wanted). The deeply personal things will not be spoken about outside of the lodge. I will not talk about what was said there or any one elses experience. But what I can say is this: it was perfect. And I am so grateful that we got to do a sweat together as a family. What a special time to share.
There was one moment in the lodge, where the door was closed, it was pitch black in the lodge, but yet when I opened my eyes, I SAW something walking/floating by me in a clockwise manner. I have no way of explaining what it was other than to say, I think it was Nick. Actually, Nick came to me right as we started and thanked me for getting everyone there. I felt at peace. I felt safe. I felt surrounded by love. It was a beautiful experience.
After the lodge, we all went into the farm house and shared soup and bread and grounded ourselves. I really enjoy spending time with Christian and Wytomi. I love hearing about Wytomi's work as a Shaman.
Then on the way home, I had a car for of kids who were laughing and loving each other. They sounded lighter than I have heard them sound in a long time. It was beautiful.
Tonight, as I type this, I am feeling so very blessed and light hearted.
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