For 3 months now I have been working with the Florida Tech staff and faculty on the specifics of Nick's posthumous graduation. The information has been passed between 4 different people, and like a game of "Gossip" vital information has gotten lost. I was first told that regular graduates get 2 tickets but they would give us extra tickets (not including Susan's). So I asked for 5 tickets (not including Susan). They also asked for the best address to ship tickets to and the best phone number to contact Susan. I gave them the address here and Suzy's address.
Almost 2 weeks ago (this Thursday) we received 5 tickets. I didn't think anything about it, then I got a weird feeling and emailed them on Friday. I needed to verify that we only needed 5 tickets and that Suzy wouldn't need one, but based on what I was reading in emails, it seemed like she would. Indeed, Suzy needed a ticket. So we are short a ticket. It has been over a week now, and I have checked in with them twice. "They are still trying to find seating for our family." Umm.. what??? No. Not acceptable. We leave on Thursday. The tickets are in Florida. We will not be in Florida in time to pick up a ticket and graduation is bright an early on Friday. Also they asked for Suzy's phone number again. They have been using Nick's phone number (and obviously that doesn't work anymore). I told her today that if we have to, Omi can sit on our laps. There is no way my family will be separated during this event.
I'm a planner. I need things planned out. For something THIS big, I need it to go smoothly. So you can imagine my feelings at the moment. So I need some good vibes being sent my direction as well as to Florida Tech; they seem to be stressing out finding us an extra seat in the VIP section (not sure why this is an issue).
We are also doing an unveiling of Nick's plaque on Friday right after graduation. The plaque is in Nick's adviser's office waiting for us and the hook has already been placed on the wall waiting for the plaque. There is a particular person who has caused some emotional trauma with Nick's friends in his name, and I would like this event (in case a general invite gets sent out) to be peaceful and respectful and about Nick...not drama.
My emotions are running high right now. VERY high. I guess they have high for a while now. What most people do not know is that the dissociative identity disorder has decided to pay me a visit. Only this time it is different and I don't know WHY this is happening other than its an emotional trauma that I am dealing with. I am a bit concerned that I will have an episode while I am in Florida, and right now these episodes are violent (kicking, hitting, flailing, screaming, crying, deadly silent) until I can calm down and go to sleep. Once I wake up I am okay (though I feel a bit off). The last episode was last Friday night. It was ugly. Tracy, thank god, has dealt with this before. He does his very best to make sure I am safe. Though I know it has got to be scary for him. But none of my children (except Nick when he was 11/12 years old) has ever seen me during an episode. Tracy an I will not have our own room. I do not want to scare anyone. I just want to go and have fun and be with my family.
I have not felt 100% since Friday night's episode. I have been doing as much self-care as I can. The stress I'm sure is not helping. Tracy came home and was helping me with the last of dinner and he told me about how this 75 year old(ish) woman turned a corner and about plowed into his bike. He saw her coming and had slowed down and saved his life. But while he was telling me this (which normally would not affect me) I felt another episode trying to happen. I was able to control it an stay present. But ugh. I would like to stay present and accounted for and happy while in Florida.
So ya...that has been my week. Those are my thoughts. Please send happy happy peaceful vibes my direction and know with me that everything happens smoothly and perfectly an that all seats will be provided for my family at the graduation and this is confirmed before we fly on Thursday.
Thanks!
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