It's 8:30 in the morning. I am supposed to be meeting my friends at the Balcony Bar at 11:30 for staging. This is where we will be leaving our coats and things we can not and will not need as we stand in the Capitol Building.
Today's plan is an "arrest action" which means, people wearing the special "Add The 4 Worlds" shirts have agreed to be arrested if action comes to that. And the action we are taking today will be something that we can be arrested for. It has already happened twice. Today will be the 3rd such action, but my first. I can not be entirely certain, but my guess is that we will be standing shoulder to shoulder with our left hand over our mouths symbolizing the silencing of the LGBT community to be heard as well as the silencing of some of our Law Makers who have been told to NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT IT. All we are asking is to add "Sexual Orientation" and "Gender Identity" to the Idaho Human Rights Act to protect those in the LGBT community and make it a protected class. It's not that hard. It's not even going to hurt anyone. As a matter of fact, it will HELP COUNTLESS of Idahoans!
Anyway, this blog isn't about that. It's about me and the way that I am feeling right now.
I have done several peaceful protests. I have done them with my entire family. I have done them with just my daughter. I have walked in Pride Parades with my church or just by myself. But this time is different. Today as I have my gear laid out.... long black skirt, black sweater, charcoal grey cami, my special "Add The 4 Words" tank, my tights, my boots, my little "night club purse" that I can sling over my shoulder and weighs nothing that is filled with female personal items (cause mother nature has decided to bless me for this event) as well as my ID, social security number (in case my TBI brain draws a blank when I get arrested) and my debit card to post my bail, I sit here with trepidation filling my heart. I have seen the pictures of these protests and the arrests. I have talked to my friends who have been part of these arrests. I have been trained for today. But it doesn't change what I am feeling right now. I know that what I am planning on doing is REQUIRED for change to happen here in Idaho. I know that what has happened so far has made some progress so I know that what I am about to do will make a difference. Yet, it does not stop my heart from being emotional.
I hugged my husband goodbye and give him a kiss as he left for work, and all I wanted to do was to keep holding him for fear that it would be the last time I saw him. That sentiment is a complete over exaggeration of what will really happen today. But that is how I am feeling. I guess because, even though, we have see this played out two other times, one never really knows what will happen from day to day. No one really knows when you will be the straw that breaks the camels back (either for better or worse).
When I ask my friends to keep me in their prayers or when I ask for their help (cause there is some help needed today in non-arrest functions) my friends tell me over and over again, "Stay safe". Those two words imply that there could be the opposite of safe happening.
Truth of the matter is... Change is uncomfortable!
And Change Is NEEDED in Idaho! And the only people who are going to make that happen are the people like me. Not everyone can take the day off of work. Not everyone can afford the bail and the fines. Not everyone can afford the possible fall-out of an arrest. But me? I am a stay at home mom with a husband who works for a company that accepts LGBT. I AM bisexual. This change is for ME. My daughter is bisexual, this change is for HER. How can I NOT be part of this? It would be incredibly wrong for me to ask for this change and NOT do my part in any way that I possibly can. So even though I am scared out of my wits today. I will be putting on my "uniform" and I will be meeting my friends at the bar. And I will be walking to the Capitol to do whatever is needed of me...to stand Peacefully, Focused, Respectful and Silently...to be seen and counted.
I guess I will finish this blog later...though it is already pretty long. When I get arrested, I'm certain, I will have even more to say. I just can't post this blog until after its done...because the action I am about to take is "secret" (otherwise the law makers run and hide so they don't have to see who they are ignoring).
No comments:
Post a Comment