Good News and Bad News....... Really trying hard to see the good news
I know my life could be so much harder than it is right now. I have friends who can't even walk cause they have Duschene's Muscular Dystrophy..not only can they not walk or feed themselves but this disease could eventually take their lives. I have ultra marathon running friends who can't run right now cause they are battling cancer and the treatments are harsh. I have a friend who served our country and lost his legs and he can't run or even walk right now. Yet, all of these people are making the best of their lives. So who am I to be sitting on my couch crying right now and feeling sorry for myself? Yet, I have to tell myself to feel the sadness and disappointment and frustration and then move on.
So I have a ruptured disc. I was able to see the MRI results for myself today. Dr. Floyd explained that unlike most ruptures that rupture through the thinner side of a disc, mine has decided to push straight out on the thicker side. Which means it hurt like a mother f***er AND it has not ruptured all the way through just yet. Which on the plus side means it has a chance to heal on its own. That is the good news.
The bad news....."I know you are a very active person, so this is not going to be easy to hear, Martha. But this means, no running, no cycling, no dancing, no yoga, nothing that will agitate the trunk of our body." This is when I said under my breath but loud enough for him to hear and snicker.. "Well shit."
What can I do? I can stroll. No power waling. No strenuous hiking. I can go to the gym and use machine assisted weights that support my arms, but no presses. I can use leg presses and legs machines. I can do squats with no weights. Nothing that stresses out my lower back or twists it and turns it. Can't even use the elliptical that is taking up space in my living room cause it moves the arms which will torque the trunk of my body.
I have a follow up appointment for March 6th. Hopefully the news will be better. Unfortunately, this means I may have to miss my last belly dance performance with Mearah and my belly dance sisters before the dance studio switches hands and who knows what will happen. That performance is in Early April. I am so sad.
I signed up for spin classes on Groupon, I need to get that refunded before it expires since I can't use it. I signed up for the St. Luke's Weight Loss challenge but I dont' see me coming anywhere near to winning if I can't get any strenuous exercising in.
I'm sure there is a reason and a plan for all of this. But right now I am just pissed beyond measure. Yes, I still have the gym, but it is NOT my favorite place to be. I miss dancing and smiling like I do in all of the pictures I see when I dance. I miss running in the foothills. I miss riding my bike. I miss being active!
Tracy is such an amazing husband. He says, "Well, I guess that means you and I are going back to our evening strolls together." And Yes, I guess I can go to the gym with him and do the express workouts (even if I have to skip one or two machines). I was just telling him that we are watching too much tv and not spending enough quality time together.
This could be so much worse, and I realize that. I just miss my life the way it used to be when I used to run and frolic through the hills with my friends!
Can someone please send me to a beach where I can walk on a beach relax in the water and continue recovering and healing in the sun? Thanks.
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