So a runner friend of mine posted this picture on her wall today and it reminded me of another post from a different friend (who doesn't run or do sports and really hates team sports for kids).
So my friend who posted an article or video (which I did not read watch/read) went on about how she hates the fact that every kid gets a medal at the end of a sporting season. She believes that if your child sucks at a sport, you should not coddle them and tell them how great they did out on the field that day, but rather tell them that they suck and and stop wasting everyone's time. Then find something that they are good at. Then she said that is why her one child will not be playing soccer again but her other child is being signed up for little league. Now I know this woman loves her children and she is totally allowed to have her own opinion. But this just got to me for different reasons, but it actually offended me.
So I had to stop and ask myself, "Why does what she had to say offend me?" And it dawned on me.
I was that kid. I sucked at softball. I was on a team, but when and if I was put on the field, I was put in right field and everyone sighed and hung their head low when I went up to bat. "Swing and a miss!" In soccer they put me in the positions closer to the goal cause I could not run. Let's face it, I was the fat kid who was slower than slow. But I LOVED soccer! I even liked playing goal tender...even if I was constantly getting the air knocked out of me! I LOVED the game! My older brothers grew up with the game. They ref'ed the games. My dad (when I was very little) ref'ed the games. Soccer was very important to my family. So of course, I wanted to play. But I sucked! My team didn't, but I did. Or at least I felt like I did. But even though I sucked, my mom was at most of my games. My dad never came to anything, but that is a different story. And I LOVED my trophies! Why? Not because I felt like I was the best at something, but because I was OUT THERE! I was part of something. I was having fun and that trophy was a reminder of the good times.
When I was in 5th grade and on the track team, I was allowed on the team, but never allowed to actually run. Again, cause I was the fat kid who couldn't run to save her life. But I loved being there and cheering on my team. Were my parents there? I don't remember. I kind of doubt it.
As an adult, I joined a volleyball team. I played indoor and outdoor leagues with the same team. After a year or two, I was asked not to return because I was not "competitive enough". In other words, "You suck, go some where else." But I LOVED the sport! I still do!
As we had kids, my boys played soccer and little league. They were not the best. They had their strengths in one or the other. But we went to every practice, every game and we cheered them on like they were stars and we always encouraged them. And yes, we were those parents that when our kid had a rough day on the field, we said, "You did great honey! I'm so proud of you!" Why? Because they went out there and played with their heart and gave it everything they had....even if it wasn't good enough for some parents....it was good enough for us. Did this give our children a false sense of confidence? No. I do not think so. What did we teach them? We taught them, that they are team players, that giving their best was the best they could do for the team, and above all else, you give it your all...no matter what. You don't quit. And when they don't win, they learned to take a loss with grace and dignity. When they messed up, they learned how they could have done it better. And when the time was right, they decided that sport was not for them. But at long as they were having fun and it was building their self-esteem, then I was all for them being out there and I was there rain, shine, cold, hot to cheer them on. They were not wasting my time. If it is something they are passionate about, even if they are less than stellar at it, who am I to tell them "you suck, find something else to do with your life."? Yes, I am their mom and I should guide them in ways that support their success, but part of that is also teaching them to follow their heart and to learn on their own what is good for them and what isn't. You can be great at something and HATE it. What fun is that? Life is meant to be an adventure and fun and to try new things until you decide that its just not worth it anymore.
My kids, for the most part, are grown and done with sports. I still have a teenage daughter that plays sports in school. She was a phenom at sprinting, but she decided she didn't like it. That about killed me cause I saw scholarships in her future. She opted for Tennis. She wasn't a natural at it, but she did pretty okay. But she was learning a new sport! She is in volleyball and is junior varsity..not strong enough for varsity. I have watched her grow by leaps and bounds. But the thing is, she is out there doing it. She is out there learning! She is out there risking herself! I can't ask for more.
But still, why did I take what my friend personally? Well here is why. There are countless Marathon elitists out there who believe, if you do not completely run a marathon, then you are not a real marathoner and you have no business at the starting line. There are some that say, even if you run, if you can't finish under a certain time, you have no business at the starting line. You are not a marathoner. "You SUCK and you don't deserve that finisher's medal." I am a marathoner. I have completed 5 marathons, 4 half-marathons and 1 ultra-marathon. In ALL of these races, I have walked some if not all of the courses. NONE of them were easy! Some of them were down right painful. Some were a total blast. But ALL of them were a test of will, strength, stamina, perseverance and the result of months/years of training (well except my first one..where I truly had no business being at the starting line *laugh*). But ALL of them were races that I feared. Why? Because if it wasn't scary, then everyone would be doing it! They ALL test you at one point or another. They are ALL growth experiences. After each race, you stop and ask yourself, "What could I have done better?" But I tell you this right now.. I don't care how long it took me..if I was dead last or not.. I DESERVED each and every medal I received at a finish line! Why? Because I got out there and did something others fear to even think of doing!
And that is why every child who plays a sport..whether they are spectacular and a natural at it or whether they need a bit of encouragement..deserves a trophy at the end of the season. Because they got out there and they gave it their all! They got out there and played and took a risk of getting hurt. They got out there and were vulnerable to the scrutiny of the other players and parents who watch them. It's a tough job being an athlete and every child should be encouraged to follow their desires to play sports (whatever that sport is). Especially in this day and age of childhood obesity...they should be encouraged, not told they suck and move on. They should not be told "stop wasting my time." They should be encouraged to get out there and move and keep reaching and keep striving to become better...until one day, they decide it is time to move on. As parents that is our job.. to coach them, support them, love them, and be their biggest cheerleaders...even if what they are doing seems a bit torturous!
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