But maybe not enough to make the anger go away.
So first off, this whole missing wedding ring thing has been quite the emotional roller coaster on top of a roller coaster ride! It's not a ride I would ever wish on ANYONE (either one of these individually much less together)!
Next, I would like to make clear that people in serious grief often do not HEAR things correctly nor do they understand things correctly. And people trying to save the life of another individual do not always focus on small details like jewelry; they are there to save a life not jewelry. With that said, there were some HUGE mistakes made and misunderstandings galore.. all over the place.
After spending time going back and forth on the phone from the hospital and the news reporter today, I was a big disaster of an emotional mess. I was already tired and sleep deprived when I got a phone call from Chris (the Investigative Reporter from Orlando who is doing a piece on the missing ring and the hospital's behavior). He said that the Public Relations from Health First (the company that runs most of the hospitals and doctors offices here in Florida) said that the Risk Management Manager from Holmes Regional Medical Center left me a message today, trying to get hold of me. (I never got any messages; neither did Suzy; neither did Tracy.) I called the PR lady back and explained that there were no phone calls from anyone in Risk Management. I also explained that I understood that this RM lady was out of town from Nov 17 to Dec 25. The PR lady assured me that the RM lady was indeed at work that week and was working on the case. I was furious. I even called the RM lady again myself to listen to see if she would answer and all I got was the voice mail saying she was out of town..stating dates again. Again I heard Nov 17 to Dec 25 which made it sound like she was on some kind of extended vacation or some kind of surgery (that is 6 weeks). "Why would she be back to work then?" After dealing with the hospital for the last month, I was really beginning to think this was some kind of lying conspiracy and I was fit to be tied (again).
I dropped off Suzy to work and headed to run some errands. As I was sitting in the parking lot of a store, I get a voice mail (I never heard my phone ring.. NEVER and it was on loud). It was the RM lady giving me specific instructions on how to reach her after hours. I was to call the main operator and for her by name, Rosina Jones. The operator would then transfer me directly to her. So I called once and ended up following the directions of the automated answering thing and it sent me to Rosina's office and I heard her voice message again. It did not say she would be out from Nov 17 to Dec 25; it said she would be out Nov 17 to Nov 25 and since it was PASSED Nov 25 and the message was still there, my grieving mind thought it said Dec 25th. (MY BAD). I called a second time and got the operator (which is not an easy task for a huge hospital). Finally on with the Operator I asked for Rosina Jones by name. "May I ask who is calling?" By this time, I am pretty certain that the whole hospital hears my name and quakes in their boots. I give her my name. She asks what this is in reference too. Like she is going to just leave a message. I tell her it's about the missing wedding ring that belonged to my son who died there a month ago. Her response, "Oh, well Rosina is the head of our Risk Management Department. You need to speak to lost and found."
If you have been following this drama, you can imagine what my response was. I took a deep breath, gritted my teeth and said, "I am trying very hard not to get angry with you. If I were you, I would just transfer me. I was told to call and ask for Rosina Jones by name and that you would transfer me to her immediately. Please do so." She puts me on hold again. When she comes back, she has Rosina.
This conversation was not easy. It was very tense. She starts by expressing her condolences for the loss of my son. Then she asks me to describe what has happened in my previous conversations. I tell her in detail what has happened. The round and round. The finger pointing. The lack of compassion. Some of he exact words of her security team. She then expresses to me that she has investigated this thoroughly.. She has spoken with all of the people who have touched my son's body while trying to save his life. She spoke with the First Responders. She spoke to the nurses. She spoke to the doctors. She spoke to the medical examiners. She spoke to the security team. She spoke with everyone including the president of Health First who owns the freakin' hospital network in Florida. She tells me what happened in the hospital that night.
Nick came in without his wallet or ID. The Florida Highway Patrol had these things. They had no idea who Nick was. (Which is why it took HOURS for Suzy to be contacted after Nick's passing.) Without ID or wallet they could not know who he was. So the nurse immediately looked for a wedding band. She saw none. Rosina says that everyone agrees this ring could have come off at the accident (which is what we were thinking in the first place...until the charms from the necklace showed up). So that is when we went back to the hospital looking and that is when things got crazy and out of hand. Anyway, no one ever remembers seeing a ring. We had already talked to the first responders and knew that they had not seen a ring. Nor had anyone seen any gloves (which we were told by a bystander that he was wearing, but truthfully, Suzy could not figure out why Nick was wearing gloves that day it was not cold enough for them and his gloves that he rides with were in his back pack and she couldn't figure out what other gloves he might be wearing.) I also had a random person message me today; she witnessed the accident that killed Nick and was first to his body. I asked her about the gloves/ring. She said she did not see any gloves and did not recall seeing a ring, but that was not first on her list, I guess. Not sure it would be mine either.
Anyway, after a long and intense conversation with Rosina, in the end, she had apologized profusely and has told me the measures they were going to put in place with the hospital to make sure more families are not treated this poorly. We ended the conversation and I was still shaky and very upset. An apology (even though that is the best I could hope for) was still empty after all of the grief I had been put through by the hospital. It didn't help that we had a pretty graphic conversation about Nick's injuries...she wanted to make sure I had the info I wanted/needed for closure.
I went about my shopping, holding back tears as best I could. Got back in my car and started to drive home, deciding that I would just drive to the site of the accident where we had just placed memorial signs. I needed to cry and that place would help. As soon as I started to exit the parking lot I got a phone call from Rosina again. She had an offer for me and wanted me to sleep on it. She said she felt horrible about the way we have been treated. She understood Nick was about to graduate FIT and was a brilliant student in the Physics Department. She wanted to know if the hospital could make a donation to the FIT Physics Dept in Nick's name and add a plaque. This touched me deeply. Not because she was trying to make amends but because NO ONE knew that I really wanted to create a memorial for Nick at FIT .. I wanted his life to mean something and to leave a legacy at FIT...beyond what he has already done. I wanted there to be some kind of scholarship fund.. some kind of donation to the Physics department in Nick's' name. No one knew that, but here is what I had been asking for being handed to me.
I told her that I had to talk to Suzy first...we hung up and I kept driving. I drove straight to the intersection where the memorial signs are placed. I had tears threatening to take over and I still had miles to go. Finally I got there and as soon as I reached the sign I started wailing. Uncontrollable very audible wailing. I didn't care what runner ran by, what cyclist rode by, what car drove by..I just wailed. Then I sat down to call Tracy to talk and check in. As I was talking to him and crying... my new friend (Nick and Suzy's friend) Akeem, pulled up. He had been driving by and saw me sitting there and didn't want me there alone. So he sat there with me and held me while I cried. Nick knew I needed someone and he sent Akeem.
I thought this was a resolution. I told Suzy while she was on break at work. I thought this would help her feel better cause I had been so angry. But she said it made her more upset/angry and we would talk when she got off of work. *sigh* I feel like shit or upsetting her while at work.
I guess the saga continues. I will talk to Suzy tonight and see what is going on through her mind. It pains me that this "ring chasing" is causing her pain. When the reporter was sent our direction, I was PISSED that a 3rd party with "good intentions" sent him our direction without ever asking us. Didn't she know how hard this would be on us? Didn't she know we were doing the best we could, following the protocol that should be followed (or at least the ones I knew about)? When the reporter called me, I ran it by Suzy first. She said she didn't care, she just didn't want to have to talk to him and have to tell the story over and over and over agian. But I am afraid that even though SHE wasn't doing the talking, I have allowed my own anger at this process to affect her and hurt her even more. I should have said "no" to the repoter. I should have walked away. But I thought *maybe* the well meaning 3rd party could be right...and *maybe* I could tell the story ONE more time instead of having to repeat it over and over and over again in order to get my answers. I had no idea that phone calls and drama this would stir up once he started poking around. I had no idea the anger that it would stir up. I had no idea how much worse it could make it (at least in the short run) before it could make it better (in the longer run). Now there is no turning back, and I am totally afraid that in my agreeing to do this, I have hurt Suzy more. I want my anger directed at the 3rd party, but even though she sent the reporter to me without talking to me, ultimately *I* am the one who agreed to it. So ultimately, it is my responsibility and I am hurting Suzy because I can not control my rage and anger and she is the one I talk to.
Anyway....I guess we will find out what happens later..... Remind me to tell you about the woman who emailed me today... the woman who witness the accident. That is a whole different conversation that is really pretty cool.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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