Just When I thought The End Was Near

WARNING:  This is VERY long, but SO WORTH the time to read it!  I promise!

It has been a very emotional week for me, and I'm certain my husband is tired of listening to me whine! No, I am not going whine on my blog, but to really appreciate what happened today, we have to first discuss a bit of the past which leads up to my rough week and the incredible man I met today.

I've never been great at listening to people when they say, "You really should probably consider NOT doing this."  or "It is not exactly impossible for you to do a marathon with less than 6 months training, but it will take you forever and you are liable to get injured."  That was in 2006 when I started training for my first Marathon.  (I know I have told this story numerous times, but this part is so important to what happened this week. Please hang in there.)  When I decided to do the City of Trees Marathon in 2006, it was April and the Marathon was in November.  I couldn't even walk a mile without my feet hurting.  I went straight to the podiatrist who gave me plastic orthotics.  I wasn't able to actually "run" or train on my feet until June. I had 5 month to get a 220# non-athletic body that couldn't even walk a mile, in some kind of condition to run 26.2 miles.  (Even after a local running club here in town told me it would be "next to impossible".)  Whatever. I did it!  *laugh*  I just don't listen to people like that.

Then in 2010 I was Fresh Meat for Treasure Valley Rollergirls (Roller Derby). I was having knee issues.  So I went to the Idaho Sports Medicine Institute.  The doctor there said that I picked a great sport to be in because with my knees, I will never be a runner.

What did he just say?  I will NEVER BE A RUNNER????  Ya, he probably shouldn't have said that.

I ended up giving up roller derby.  It was just too hard on my knee.  I still roller skated for fun, but the derby part of skating puts quite a bit of pressure on the left knee (which I have already had 1 surgery on years before).

2011 came and my friend convinced me to do the Honolulu Marathon with her for her wedding.  Who cares if the doctor said I couldn't run.  I was nearly 250# with a knee that really hurt, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I started Weight Watchers and started running.  By June of 2012, I had run several 5K's, a 10K, 3 half marathons, and 4 marathons.  In July my left foot was really hurting. It felt like the arch of my foot was just going to collapse and break in two.  I went back to my podiatrist.  A few x-rays later, she tells me I have some serious deterioration in the bones of my feet.  I am also pretty much bone on bone in part of my feet which helps contract your foot up towards your legs (bring your toes up towards your legs and stretch your calves.)  She thought it was because my calves were tight, but in reality, because of the bones in my feet, my feet do not have full range of motion.  *shrug*  Oh well. I just keep running.

In August, my knee was really hurting, and I bit the bullet to have knee surgery.  The did a lateral tendon release and cleared up some scar tissue under my patella.  I was back to trail running by November, and I had really big plans to run 12 marathons/ultra marathons in 12 months! I had them all planned out.  Life had other ideas.  And that is okay.  When it comes down to it, the only race left on that schedule that I can run is the Foothills 50K Frenzy. My first ultra marathon and its in October...a month away.

I was training hard for it and was doing fantastic until I fell on the same knee I had surgery on.  I ended up taking 6 weeks off to let it heal.  Then my first run back, I rolled my ankle with a pop and a snap.  That is never a good sign. I took the rest of the week off of running and continued to do low impact dancing to keep the ankle loose.  I ran the next week and my foot was NOT happy. Maybe I had broken something? I don't know.  I have never experienced this kind of pain with a sprain ankle before.   I made an appointment with the doctor.

In the mean time, I found that my running shoes (that only had 154 miles on them) had blown out with a hole where my pinkie toe rubs.  This is a HUGE issue for me because finding shoes to fit my feet AND my orthotics is next to impossible.  So all week this week, I have been dealing with shoe drama.  A girl should not have to cry over trying to find the right pair of running shoes.  It's hard when you have one of the best shoe guys in town telling you, "You can run without your orthotics, it will be okay."  And you gut says, "NOT A GOOD IDEA".  And you walk away with a pair of shoes that will NOT fit your orthotics.

Thankfully, I had a podiatrist appointment the next day.  When I relayed to her the conversation with the shoe guy she said "Absolutely not!  You will injure your ankle worse and hurt your feet!  I know your feet!  YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM!"  So I went back to the shoe store, and ended up with a new pair of running shoes. I had to leave the trail shoes and go back to road shoes since those are the only ones that will fit my feet and orthotics.  So far, with 20 miles in 2 days, they are doing great!

If you are STILL reading this...thank you.

We finally get to today.  After all the drama of trying to find shoes and battling between the shoe guy, my own gut feelings and my doctor, I have been feeling rather exhausted and wondering if running is worth it.  I have been told so many times, "You should not run."  In my head, I have begun to believe these people.  My feet have serious issues (though my podiatrist has only been supportive of my running).  I have the hardest time finding shoes to fit them.  My ankles are compromised because of multiple sprains. Out of the 3 stabilizing muscles around your ankle, I have totally blown one out.  It doesn't fire anymore. One is completely cranky due to the recent sprain. The other is fine.  And my knee is hurting me still.  I got up this morning for a 14 mile run, and I was NOT feeling it.

I got to the trails and started walking. It seems as though I have decided that running is NOT a great idea. So (in an effort to keep my joints semi-happy) I do my best to power walk and stay within a certain time limit per mile .  Shortly after I started, 4 BSU cross country female runners came running by me.  The first pair that came by were wearing those short spanky type shorts and just their sports bras with their shirts tucked under the center strap of their bras.  Their long hair in a pony tail swishing back and forth.  Their legs and bodies perfectly toned and healthy.  And there I was.... 44 years old, still considered morbidly obese, walking as fast as I could and probably huffing and puffing at this point.  My joints hurting.  And I found myself a little bit resentful of their youth and their perfect "Sports Illustrated" bodies and health.  And I wondered, "What will they look like and feel like at 44 years old?"

I just kept pushing on.  I am on the trail for a reason.  I have an ultra marathon to train for.  I need to get 14 miles in today. No point in worrying about those 20-year-olds cause let's face it when I was 20, I was way over weight and there was no way I was gonna run even if a gun was pointed at me.  I would have just told them to shoot me right then and there; it would have been easier than to die from a heart attack trying to out run them!  So I kept pushing on.

About 2 miles into my training run, I saw a familiar face coming down the path I was about to take.  I smiled and got my phone out.  Today I was going to ask him for a picture.

I have seen him several times out on these trails, and he always has a smile on his face.  He is an older gentleman.  He always has a ball cap on, is shirtless and wears black shorts.  He also has some rather impressive braces on his legs.  His right leg has a couple of braces from the foot all the way up to just about the bottom of his shorts.  His left leg has a knee brace on.  When he runs, his posture is a little bit bent over and his steps are slow, small and intentional.  You can see his age in his running.  But he is out there running and always with a smile on his face.

I saw him yesterday as I was coming up Buck Tail Trail and he was up ahead of me crossing my path but on the Ridge Crest Trail.  I didn't get a chance to greet him; though I did consider chasing him down to talk to him and get his picture.  But I figured there would be other days.  We seem to run in the same places at the same times.

Today was the day.  He came running down towards Ridge Crest Trail and I was turning right up Shane's Loop.  I got my phone out and hit "pause" on my Runkeeper just in time.  "Good morning!  It is always so great to see you out here in the mornings," I said to him.  We shook hands and introduced ourselves. His name is Phil (I could have sworn he said his last name is Collins, but after leaving him, I wasn't entirely certain he said that or my scrambled brain just jumped to that conclusion *laugh*).  He looked just like he always looks, black shorts, topless, baseball cap and his leg braces.  Upon closer inspection of his shirtless body, I see skin that shows his age but muscle definition that says he feels much younger than his years!

I asked him how far he was running. He laughed and said, "I don't keep track anymore. I just come out here and do 2 1/2 hours every day.  It ends up being whatever it ends up being.  I like getting out to Three Bears where its a bit flatter and I can run.  Otherwise, I'm just like you, out here walking and enjoying the day."

I laughed, "I run...but on the down hills.  Up hills, I power hike."

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he continues to tell me, "I was fitness trainer in the military and used to tell people all the time.  'Don't run!  It's bad for you.  Just get out there and walk!  Walk every day.'"

I laughed cause I see him out here running every morning.  We both knew he wasn't taking his own advice, even with the braces on his legs.  He tells me, "The doctor said I can't run.  I need a new ankle. It was the VA that told me I needed a new ankle.  But if I get a new ankle, my foot won't move the way it needs to for me to run.  So I am seeing a new doctor in a couple of weeks.  I used to do alot of marathons, but not anymore.  I just did a half marathon up in East Idaho, but I can't remember the name of it; it goes down into some falls area.  Anyway, I did it with my kids. And when we got to the finish line, my grand kids all came and ran the last half mile with me to the finish line!"  He had the biggest, proudest smile on his face!

"My grand kids asked me if I was going to do any more marathons.  And I told them I wasn't sure.  But my wife has put her food down and said, 'No more marathons!'  I guess I won't be doing anymore, but I  come out here and run every morning and do what I can do."

I thanked him for his service to our country.  Then his eyes lit up with a sense of pride mixed with sadness.  The smile on his face turned down a bit.  And he tells me that he had a rough week last week.  He is part of the military group that helps with the Transfer Ceremonies for the returning deceased soldiers.  Last week, he helped with the return of our fallen Caldwell soldier who was returned to his family for burial.  Phil was there at the Transfer Service in full uniform (and he can't wear his braces under his uniform.)  He was with the family (being of service to the family) the entire week until their son was laid to rest.  Phil's eyes filled with tears and pride all at the same time.  I had to catch myself from crying too.

His tears didn't last long.  He stopped them.  "It was hard on my legs.  But I am honored to be able to be with these families.  But I'm back out running this week and feeling much better."

I thanked him for his story and told him what an inspiration he is to me every time I see him out there.  I asked him for his picture.  And his and eyes and smile grew big and bright again.  "Absolutely!  How fun!  I would love to!"  Sweaty, with our arms around each other, the way only runners can appreciate, we took this amazing picture:

We shook hands, "It was great meeting you!" we said.  And then as an after thought, he said, "I work at the Veterans Home, please come by anytime and say hi!"  And with a smile and a wave, he was off running again.

Wow!  I'm certain there is so much more to his story. I walked away trying to figure out how I can find a way to do my runs with this man and really get to know him! So incredible!

Then I thought back to my original, "poor me" attitude and thought about this incredible elderly man who's eyes and spirit are so much younger than his physical years.  I realized, I will be just like him.  I have never been one to listen to "You can't!" so why start now?  I will keep running/walking until I can't anymore.  It's as simple as that.  And I really hope that I get to spend many more mornings visiting Phil on the trails, even if its just a "Hi, Phil!  Beautiful morning, isn't it!"