Call it Frustration, Strong Willed, Stupid, or Whatever You Want to.....

But I had to try!!!!

So Way back when I went to see my favorite surgeon, he told me to do everything I would normally do on top of my physical therapy. That was the only way we would know if I needed to have surgery.

I tried riding my bike.  My back hurt after an hour.  I went back to belly dancing and focused on that for the Oasis Dreams performance.  All of that belly dancing hurt my back, but I did it.

Last week, or whenever it was, I went back to the surgeon and he told me that we have until April 29th to decide whether or not I live with the pain or have surgery.  So..more PT until then.  Of course, he suggested 3x/week and I only had 4 more PT appointments left in my insurance plan and I already had 1 scheduled.  To pay out of pocket would be $160 per visit....times 3???? Oh Lord!  So I scheduled my last 3 appointments that I had left with the PT (one a week).  I went to get a massage (that my surgeon suggested, but of course insurance doesn't cover).  I went specifically to get cupping (which my PT and I had discussed).  But I don't think the cupping did what I wanted it to do.  And after seeing my PT today, he agreed.  As a matter of fact, I saw "it" on my PT's face today.

Yesterday after my massage, I went to lunch with Tracy.  I told him that I don't think the massage did what I wanted it to do.  No fault of my massage therapist, who is awesome!  But, I could feel the injury when he (lightly) rubbed over it.  It's the INJURY that hurts.....not the muscles around it.  Even though, my muscles are angry, it's the INJURY that is causing me the most pain.  With Tracy's help, I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I need the surgery.  The thing is, as long as I'm not doing anything, the pain is minimal and bearable.  But when I do intensive workouts, I am toast.  If I didn't ever want to do anything, that would work.  But my lifestyle is an active one, and not being able to play in the mountains is killing me!  I have gained 25# since this injury in January!  (yes much of that is poor eating choices...and that comes from me being frustrated and feeling like a slug.)

So today, I went to PT.  We talked about the massage and the way that I am feeling.  I am making some progress, but the fact is, I am running out of PT.  Cupping didn't do what I thought it would do.  I still have pain.  My PT is pretty amazing, and he is trying different things, but the fact is, with the strengthening exercises, the trigger point therapy, the facia work, the manual adjustments, I still have  pain at the injury site.

Since I had PT at 8am this morning, I had planned on going for a walk on the greenbelt right after, since I was right there in the same parking lot.  But instead, I decided to do my favorite 6 mile loop at Military Reserve.  I have not played in the foothills since November. I haven't done ANY hill training since November (even if I have done 8 miles of flat walking since my back was hurt).  Hill training is different and exactly where I want to play. With Oasis Dreams behind me, I can go out and play and not worry about being toast.  So to the foothills I went.

I was totally not dressed for a run in the foothills.  Yoga pants, long sleeved yoga shirt, regular fancy Victoria Secret Bra, but at least I had my trail running shoes on.  I also didn't have any water on me and it was gonna be a warm one.  But it was only 6 miles..I figured I would survive.  The first 3 miles or so is up hill so I power hiked up there as fast as I could (with being this out of shape).  I saw no signs of wild life, except for some pretty song birds and my friend Alexander and his pup who were coming down from the hills.  There is nothing like a sweaty hug from a fellow trail runner that you haven't seen in MONTHS!

The views of the city below were just gorgeous!  It was a truly magnificent day to be out there!  I also realized that I freaking need a hat or a haircut before I go back out running!

Once I got up the hill as far "up" as I was going to go and got to my favorite trail to run down, I tried very  hard to restrain myself.  "Do not run.  Do not run.  Running will hurt.  Just walk.  Do not run."  But I couldn't help it.  Sometimes the heart and the feet want what they want and running just happens! I let my heart and feet do what they wanted to do..bad bra and all.  Talk about painful!  Not sure what hurt worse, the boobs are the back!  Anyway, I ran and my heart soared!  I almost cried from pure joy!  It was so beautiful out there.  I was on my favorite trail.  The sun was shining.  The breeze felt amazing and my feet were running!  FREEDOM!!!!!  Now if I could just ignore the pain.  I did my best.  "Go ahead, Back.  Go ahead and hurt!  Right now, I am running and celebrating the fact that I can, at least in this moment, and I will deal with you later!"  

Finally, I came to the end of my favorite trail and it was time to climb back up the hill for a short bit.  I power hiked back up that hill and over to the next down hill segment.  I unzipped my shirt, (too much cleavage) and cooled off a bit.  But once I came to a cyclists stopping to take pictures and catch his breath, I had to zip back up.  Didn't want him seeing too much *laugh*  It is so fun to run into people on the trails.  People of all ages, sizes and shapes..some with dogs, some alone.  This particular guy was a bigger guy and said... "Taking pictures..its the best excuse to catch my breath."  I've totally been there!  Back down I went and met a few more friendly dogs and greeted a few more friendly humans all out there enjoying the beauty that Idaho has to offer.  Our foothills really are the treasure of Boise!  They are totally my happy place!

Finally down off the mountain and into the valley along the water run off.  I am by myself again and enjoying the day.  But by the 5 1/2 mile mark, my body said.. "You have gone too far."  *sigh*  I used to run 24 miles for FUN and now 5 1/2 miles is too far.  That is okay, it was a beautiful day and I had to find out what my body could do so that I would be completely certain about surgery.  Unfortunately, my car was NOT at 5 1/2 miles and I had to keep going.  *laugh*

I finally reached the stairway to  heaven.  I remember the first time I did this 6 mile loop.  I remember the first time I saw these stairs.  They happen to be at the tail end of the 32 Mile Foothill Frenzy Ultra Marathon...some kind of sadistic joke.  The fist time I took them, I thought I would die.  The day of the Frenzy, I OWNED them.  Today????  I RAN UP THEM!  Take that, aching back, tired legs, and extra 25#!  The view from the top of the stairs was stunning!!!

From this point, I ran the rest of the way to finish off my 6 miles.  Yes, it hurt. But I didn't care.  I was running!  The fastest pace I have ever finished this route was a 14 minute mile.  My average is a 15 minute mile.  Today I finished with a 17 1/2 minute mile....with an injured back, and no running OR hill training since November and a 25# gain!  Not too shabby!

I didn't know how bad my back was hurting until I went to sit in my car.  My spine was NOT happy about bending and sitting!  Then I had to go grocery shopping and I felt my back locking up (which I now believe is its way of protecting the injured disc).  Whatever. I did it!  Look at that smile on my face.. does that look like the smile of a woman who regrets what she did?

Now that I have rested my back, I guess its time to finish putting away groceries and get dinner started. Pass the pain killers please :).