The only picture I have of my dad...Christmas 1993
My dad died in 2008 of lung cancer (and he never smoked). We had no idea he had cancer, until 2 weeks before he died from it. Why? Because he was so over weight and unhealthy (he was close to 500#). Back in 2011, I promised myself to change my life and prevent that from becoming me. I did great. But somewhere along the line, I lost my way. And in the past several months, I have watched my weight creep back up. It's not really the number on the scale that bothers me so much as what it represents. It is me not taking care of myself. It's unhealthy choices manifesting themselves in weight gain which also manifest in high blood pressure, high blood sugar, achy joints, feeling sluggish and no energy, and just the general malaise. This is not who I am. That is who I used to be! So I made a decision yesterday to get my groove back, and today, I feel it. It is the same thing I felt on March 11, 2011 when I made the choice to join Weight Watchers and change my life. I know it will stick this time (by stick..I mean for more than a week *laugh*). Several times since I completed my ultra marathon back in October, I have said I am getting back to it, but it only last a day or 2 or maybe a week maximum. But today, I can feel it. It's here and its stickin' around for a long while. I guess it's my dad yelling at me from where ever he is.... "Don't be like me!!!! Take care of yourself! Live your life!" So even with a back ready for surgery, I am back at it......
Where I used to be celebrating my 40th birthday
Where I was at 42 just before I started running
The feeling I want to get back to....
My fastest Marathon, May 5th 2012 (just before my 43rd bday)
Two weeks later finishing 2nd Marathon in 2 weeks to qualify as Marathon Maniac
This is my arsenal for the next 30 days......
I have been fighting the "snake oil" that I kept hearing about on the radio. Refirm from Complete Nutrition. I'm not big on "magic pills". But I also know that at this point in my journey, I need a kick start. I'm looking at this the same way I look at anti-depressants for situational depression. It's a good idea to help get you leveled off while you start to deal with the real root of the problem. "Immediate positive reinforcement" to help build a base on. So, I'm on this 30 day regimen as well as back to eating properly. I am also taking this powder in my water that will help me get off the diet cokes (which when I drink also tend to come with chocolate and other bad for me things). I am back to breakfasts at home. I get up and make breakfast for me and Omi in the mornings instead of running through the convenience store on the way to school.
The book Transformation is an 18 week "work book" that digs deep into the issues. It helps really get to the "why" and work on the "issues". I used it way back in 2011. It's a good way to restart this journey. (Ya know the whole onion metaphor..just peeling back some more layers.) So even though my regimen is starting with 30 days, I will do the 18 Weeks of this Book (since It will likely take me longer than 18 weeks to get to my long term goal) and post the answers to the questions in the book here on my blog. I will also post some quotes from the book. As I am reading chapter 1, I am already finding new insights I didn't see before and I'm being reminded of things I had learned before but seem more appropriate now :).
I'm walking a 5K a day until back surgery. Today it was raining and I just put on my rain coat and went out there. Though my back was not happy this morning. This was the first time in several weeks that I felt like I needed a painkiller in the morning, but I didn't take one. I think maybe carrying my hydration pack on my walk yesterday is what caused the severe back pain. So, since I am only doing 3-4 miles a day, I decided not to carry any water with me. Usually I just use the hydration pack for an easy way to carry water (I love to drink water while I'm running/walking) and my iphone. *laugh* Today, I had pockets in my rain coat and it was cool so no water was necessary. I would also like to do some upper body weights, but I'm not sure how my back will handle it. So I will start small with light weights and go from there and see how I do...just to tone my arms.
I also took measurements today. And to be accountable, I am going to post them here. The scale said 206#, Bust: 43", Hips: 46 1/2", Thighs 27", Arms 15", Waist 40". The most recent pair of jeans I bought were a size 14 in Levis, but I can just barely button my size 12 jeans that I bought from Maurice's back in November. (I guess I'm between sizes..sorta.) The 14s are a bit big (kinda) and the 12s leave one hell of a muffin top. *laugh*
My goals through September: A 5K a day until back surgery in May. 2 weeks after surgery be back to walking at least 2 miles a day. Complete the 18 Week Transformation Book. Get back into my size 10 jeans and capri pants comfortably and fit back into my bikini for summer! Weight isn't going to be the biggest measuring factor; its how I feel and how I look, but the number on the scale will be part of this journey. Complete the 100 days of happiness challenge (Join the challenge with me). Complete the Idaho Wine Run September 28th...no running. I just want to walk it and finish it. I chose this Marathon because I know the race directors personally, and I know they will keep he finish line open for me until I finish and I can take an early start. My goal: under 8 hours (like my very first marathon in 2006). I'm in no rush, but I want to do this after my back surgery and finish at least one race this race season.
Quotes and Answers from Chapter 1 of Transformation:
Quotes:
"...before taking on any challenging endeavor, it's vitally important to know both your base (point A) and summit (point B). Once you've clearly defined those points, then and only then is it possible to choose the right path for getting there."
"But halfway up the mountain is never a good time to quit. It was then I learned to dig deeper and tap into my heart and soul to find the energy to continue on. Every time I did, I discovered more of my true inner strength."
"You see, as long as we're still the same inside, at the level of our thoughts, beliefs, patterns, and emotions, we simply haven't undergone true transformation. It's because inward processes always precede external forms and events. And so that's where we begin; we turn our attention inward to take a look at where we are now with this first step of self-appraisal."
Questions:
Heart and Soul: Having looked inward to do some soul-searching, three heartfelt reasons for making the decision to transform my health and life are:
1) I am tired of feeling tired and worn down.
2) I want to live my life fully and happily.
3) I want to continue breaking the cycle of obesity in my family.
Emotions: In recent days and weeks, the three most predominant inner feelings I have been experiencing are:
1) Feeling like a failure at my weight loss journey as the weight comes back on.
2) Frustration at not finding whatever it is that makes me stick to my transformation (maybe the word is inspiration?)
3) Guilty for not being a good example to my daughter for healthy living.
Mindset: Three patterns of thinking or beliefs which may have limited my ability to change in the past are:
1) Maybe I'm getting too old to be able to lose the weight.
2) As long as I am running ultra marathons, I can eat whatever I want (as long as I'm burning the calories)
3) It's just like every other time.. I lose weight and gain it back so why both to keep trying?
Body: Three objectively verifiable statements which reflect my physical condition right now are:
1) My weight in the morning, completely naked before I eat is 206# according to the scale.
2) I have had to buy bigger pants twice since last summer (from size a size 10 to a 12 then to a 14)
3) My pictures show a gain in size/weight.
Looking forward to the end of the 18 weeks.........
18 Weeks From Now:
Heart and Soul: Three changes I will have made that show I am more aligned with what's important to me at a heart and soul level are:
1) I am be back to my happy, positive, no-stopping me self!
2) My family sees me continuing to set a good example for them.
3) I am more energetic.
Emotions: The three most predominant inner feelings which describe what I'll be experiencing are:
1) I feel Joy
2) I feel Freedom
3) I feel Unstoppable
Mindset: Three new patterns of thinking or beliefs which expand my ability to make healthy changes for the better will be:
1) I am unstoppable at any age and can accomplish whatever I put my mind to.
2) Every day, with every eating opportunity, I make conscious decisions to eat mindfully (whether it is a healthy choice or a special treat).
3) There will always be a layer of the onion to peel off. This is not failure; this is growth!
Body: Three objectively certifiable statements which will describe the new and improved condition of my body:
1) I am back in my size 10 Jeans!
2) I have released 20#!
3) My pictures show a healthier, stronger version of me!
So there ya have it! My re-commitment to my continued transformation!
You're going to do great!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristine! *hugs*
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