November 5,2017 Getting Voted Off and What I Learned....

So its been a few months since I have blogged. (Seems like all of my blogs start out that way these days...but hey, I've been busy living life!)

The last blog was about an audition for the Minor Leagues of ComedySportz.  It's crazy to think how much has happened since that blog (especially when it comes to Improv). Not only did I start Minor League training, but I have also played my first Minor League ComedySportz match and had a complete blast!  And just because I wasn't busy or challenged enough, I also decided to throw my hat into the Improvivor contest. 

Improvivor is like the TV show Survivor mixed with Improv Comedy.  We were separated into tribes. We played different challenge games. We had the opportunity to win immunity as tribes as well as individuals and people got voted off.  The last one standing wins $200.  I wanted to play for the challenge and to learn and grow.  I, however, was not prepared for some of the very painful growing pains I would go through.

Thanks to Improv, in general, I have learned a great deal about myself. I have learned that I need to ask for assistance and trust that my team mates will always have my back.  I have learned that failure is funny.  I have learned to live in the moment and live in the flow. In Improv, you never know what the next "gift" given to you might be and you will have to trust it and run with it.  As a team, that works out great. As an individual in a contest that has people voting you off, this doesn't always work out as well as you would like.  I learned that I have a very serious competitive streak in me.  And it's not a pretty one.

Two "episodes" ago, I had a really difficult time with a "things" game. I won't go into how the game is played. But I will say that tribe mates matched up and one gave clues and the other was supposed to guess what the other was giving clues about. These "things"could be super easy or super difficult depending  on what number we chose to do (1 being easiest and up to 5 being the hardest).  I could not give or receiving clues to save my life that night. And the audience voted to send me home.  The only reason I got to stay was because one of my tribe mates wanted us to vote him off.    I will say that I deserved to go home that night. I will also say that I was in complete tears because my performance is what put us in trouble to begin with.  I felt like I had let my tribe down. 

Even though "Episode 3" was harsh for me.  Episodes 1 and 2 were so much fun and in episode 2, Randy and I came from behind and saved the day.  That feeling rocked!

Last night was Episode 4. We played 2 challenge games. The first one went from all 7 of us on the "field" to only 2 remaining. The last 2 remaining were Lisa (my tribe mate) and myself.  The game was going great, but I was at a slight disadvantage. Lisa had made no mistakes during that game, and I already had made 1 mistake.  1 more would have ended the game. And more importantly, the winner, we were told right before our last round, would win immunity for the night.  I really needed that immunity.  But, alas, it was not mine to be had. In a very quick game, I made a mistake and lost the game. It was a ton of fun.  And I learned that my brain worked much faster than I had imagined it would!

When that game was over, we learned that we were breaking up our tribes and people were merging at the end of the night.  The last game to be played was to be  2 person improv scenes.  We were all randomly matched over and over again until we had all played together.  I thought I did okay.  But in a bad twist of luck, I was matched with a friend in the 2nd to last pairing of the night.  He started speaking the scene, and I did not understand a word he said.  I didn't hear him. I had no idea what he had started and I tried my best to pick up what he had given me and keep the scene going, but I was completely lost. In the end, he got the punch line in.  And THAT was the last thing the audience saw of me. 

After all of the scenes were completed, we were told there would be a vote by the audience to give one more of us immunity. My last scene mate won that immunity.  The rest of us had a chance at being eliminated.  We were sent out to the lobby while the audience voted for whomever they chose.  Then each of us went in one at a time and wrote our choices on a piece of paper and put them in the container.  When they were all collected, Robert, pulled the slips out one at a time and read them allowed....5 votes for 1 person would send that person home........

First vote,  "Martha"
Second vote, "Martha"
Third vote, "AJ"
Fourth vote, "Dawn"

Now the odds had changed. The person with 4 votes would be eliminated.

Fifth vote, "Martha"
Sixth vote, "Martha"

And with that, my fate in Improvivor had been sealed.  I shouted and screamed like I had won a million dollars. At first the audience was shocked and then they laughed as I ran up to give Robert and Johnny a hug as they said goodbye to me.  I smile. But inside, I was breaking a little bit.

When the show was over, we had to go into the greenroom where I received a huge group hug and encouraging words.  But my time was over.

Some of the members of the audience hugged me and told me I didn't deserve to be voted off.  But whether I did or not, it was now done. And my  job was to feel my feelings and then figure out what I have learned.

I am grateful for the experience.  In the end, this is a game of strategy and elimination. Did I play with integrity? Yes.  Did I have my team's back? I did.  Did I make the audience laugh?  I did.  Then my job was done.  The rest is just "game play" and "strategy" and really doesn't matter. But why does it hurt to be voted off?  Why do I feel like I'm not good enough?  Why did I take it personally? Why did it feel like high school all over again? Like if I had been popular enough, I would not have been voted off. I can assume entirely too many things.  I can tell myself stories all night long, but in the end, none of that really matters. I played the best I could. 

I need to let go of the "game play" and take a look at how well I did and what I learned.

1)  I learned my brain can think faster than I thought.  At first, I was unable to do that. But thanks to Improv, I am getting much faster.

2) I have learned that my character work is pretty good. It can certainly be better, but it is not too shabby.

3)  I have learned to say "yes, and" and just roll with the "endowments" that are given to me.

4) I have learned to welcome the unexpected and live in the flow.

5)  I have learned that failure is funny and my time is never wasted if the audience is laughing.

6) I have learned to take HUGE leaps and put myself in uncomfortable situations and be open to the lessons given.

7) I have learned how to take what I have learned in the Improv arena and add it into my every day life.

8) I laugh more often.

9) What I have learned in the arena, I have brought home to my family and we play some kind of silly improv game in the hot tub a couple of times a week.  It's silly and fun to see what crazy conversations we come up with.

What do I still need to learn? Not to take things so damn seriously. It was just a game.  LOL  I learned some other very deep and very personal things about relationships, but that is not something to be shared in this blog.

What will I take away from the realization that I am way too competitive?  I will not place myself in a position to play a game where people can be voted off again. It is one thing to play a game as well as you can and lose because you didn't earn the points. It's not personal. It's just a fact of life. But in a game where people can vote you off (for whatever reason) and the game is not entirely based on your performance, it does become (or at least feels) personal, and I am much too sensitive for that...especially this time of year when I am dealing with grief.  :).