I am on an epic weekend adventure of "Stripper Camp" called BurlyCon. I have so much to say about this weekend, but this blog is about TODAY only. Today was the 3rd anniversary of Nick's death. Just last night I was texting Tracy telling him that I do not belong here and that I should be home with my family and I wasn't even sure I would be able to make it. He actually offered to drive all night to pick me up. I am glad we didn't actually see that through.
I knew that if I was going to make it through today, I would need a plan. 1) I would play full on in ALL of my classes. 2) I would take pictures with all of my instructors. 3) I would purposefully find 2 women I had either been talking to over the weekend or have seen wandering the halls and ask to get a picture with them. 4) I would play as much as I could and laugh as often. 5) I would say "yes" to things that might make me uncomfortable. 6) I would take today one moment at a time. If I cried, great. If I laughed great. If I did both.. even better! 7) Most of all, I would live today to the fullest!
With the plans made, I took off on my great BurlyCon Day 2 adventures. I knew that all but my last class would be movement/dance classes. That was also done intentionally. Dancing always makes me happy. My first class was "Taming the Boa". I learned alot of fun tricks. I also learned that my purple boa is seriously dangerous and bled on me turning me into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka! Yuck!
Amber Ray and myself after Taming the Boa
My 2nd class was a chair dancing class. I have been wanting to take a chair class for YEARS!!!!! I was so excited. Actually, I took one YEARS ago.. like 2004 or 2005 or so. I showed Tracy what I had learned, and he down right laughed at me. I gave up on dancing sexy for him. It almost killed my dancing completely.... Obviously, I got over it. LOL The chair dance class was killer. My abs love me! And I did inversions and didn't even fall off my chair and on to my head! My third class was a complete kicker.
Lola Frost and me after Chair Dancing Class
My third class was a continuation of a class I took yesterday. This class was called "Dare to be Sexy". When I decided to take these classes, I thought it would teach me to dance the slow burn and be all sexy and stuff. (Most of my dances are "cute" and "silly") Instead this was more of a character building class and the "sexy" part came from teaching us how to be comfortable being vulnerable with our audience. It was an amazing class. Today, she asked for 5 volunteers. She grabbed her 5, but then pointed at me and told me that I would be in the next round. Sure enough, I was the first person she called for the 2nd round of volunteers. We were to pull 3 cards from her Archetype Deck. In my hand I held the Heroine, the Visonary, and the Engineer cards. I immediately connected to the Hero/Heroine card; it was no surprise that these three cards showed up for me. I teach Hero Journey Classes; it's my favorite archetype and the one I identify with the most. The Visionary, yes, I identify with that one as well. The Engineer? Which of these 3 is not like the rest? We were told to pick the one that was least like us and then to choose the "dark" side of that archetype (each archetype had a light and dark description.) Out of the 3, the least like me in general is the Engineer.
Now that I had this card and know what the dark side was, I had to walk and act like this character. Using the techniques that Poise Ivory taught us, how would this character remove/strip off a glove?
Some of this reminded me of picking a character for Improv matches. Yet, it is very different. LOL
I read this card and 2 people came to mind, my husband Tracy and my son Nick. I knew exactly how I would do my exercise. It was my turn, and I channeled the inner engineer in me; yes, I had to use a microscope to find her! I walked off the stage and onto the floor where the rest of my peers were sitting and I performed my task. Then I waited for the remainder of my volunteer mates to finish their turns. Poison Ivory asked us to change the end result by changing just one thing. Again, we went through our process. I walked off the stage and down to the floor and removed my glove. I made eye contact several times.. scanning the whole audience. Feeling the energy. And feeling something I have never before felt inside of me. I finished my "scene" and walked off the "stage". I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath and it hit me. It wasn't me in that second round. Well, it was, but more me channeling Nick. I could hear and see him in my head and my heart.
"Mom, this is how an engineer would take off a strippers glove. It would be like this. And, why, mom, would an engineer be wearing a glove in the first place? Wouldn't that get in the way of their work?"
He would strike a feminine pose with his gloved hand. He would smirk. And then very matter of factly, in an orderly fashion take that glove off and just walk away. Or what if they were gloves he had to use for one of his science experiments. He was in a small confined room with not much space to move or place "extraneous things" so he would be very meticulous and calculated in the way he took them off and the way he handled them while walking around or putting them down. And that is what I did.
I continued leaning against the wall and I felt Nick in my heart. I heard him talking to me. I heard this conversation. I heard him laughing and telling me how proud he was of me.
"Great job, Mom! I knew you could do it. You are so awesome! I'm so glad you made it to BurlyCon this year! Thanks for letting me come play with you today. Now kick ass, mom!"
I literally started sobbing. It was such a beautiful moment. No one else in that room saw me. No one else heard what I heard or felt what I felt. I was in a room with 30 other women, yet, in that moment it was just me and my son visiting and laughing. It was truly a special gift.
When I went back to my original place to sit, I still had the card I had drawn. Layla (a new friend) who I had sat next to in the precursor to this class, saw the card and she said, "I knew it had to be an engineer. You were so meticulous and calculated removing that glove." Outwardly, I thanked her. Inwardly, I was giving Nick a huge hug for sharing that time with me and helping me.
Miss Poison Ivory & myself after class
I was riding a pretty big high when I left that class. And my next class was my first of 3 different panel skirt classes. I had so much fun learning this new prop for dancing. I am so excited to create a piece with it! It is so classic and beautiful!
Shan de Leers and myself after "Work That Skirt"
And my last class for the day was one centered around creating costumes for bigger bodied women. One of my roomies was the facilitator for this. Interestingly enough, I didn't get a picture with her after class. She taught an amazing class and I have so many ideas I want to try!
I had such a fantastic day. In the midst of these amazing classes, we also had the Open Ceremonies where they had a tinder moment where people they had expressed being gentle with those who were going through transitions in their lives, and my other roomie Frankie as well as Mimi grabbed my hands and let me cry. Then right after that ceremony, I went into the vendors to find Legs Malone.
Rev. Legs Malone
She saw me and smiled and gave me the biggest hug and told me that she follows what I say and do on Facebook. SHE follows ME on Facbook and KNEW what today was. Again, I teared up. I was humbled and touched by her genuine love and care. She gave me some oils to help with my grief and she gave me love! Such a beautiful human being. I could not have felt more supported. Before today, I had only met Legs once....at a class she taught in Boise a couple of years ago and we have been connected on Facebook ever since. I have so much respect for her, not just as a performer but as a human being. Seeing her today was so healing.
After all of these amazing things, Miss Dottie Minx ( my lovely friend who used to live in boise who now lives in Seattle) came to join the Boise gang for dinner. Seeing her brought tears to my eyes again. She was one of them who supported my family in big way when Nick died and there she was today. It was so nice to have dinner with her, her hubby, Stella Sin and Muff Jones.
Me and Pin Up Dottie Minx
Then to close out the day, I got to get dressed up and go to the Disco. I got to relive my childhood in a real live adult disco with crazy bright characters dancing and laughing around me. All of the glitz. All of the glam. Drag Queens. Drag Kings. The beautiful and the goth/punk. The elegant to the ridiculous. It was all there in all of its sparkling, glittering glory! And I was there. I was part of it. I was on that dance floor with the disco ball reflecting the lights back onto the wall. I was this. I was this moment. I was this joy. I was exactly where I wanted to be when I was a kid! I smiled and almost cried happy tears. I thanked Nick.
Beautiful people at the class photo before the ball..Mimi, Ri Ri (who taught my costuming class), myself and I do not know the fourth person behind Mimi.
Me and Lola Love whom I have been friends with on FB and met for real this weekend!
It has been such a beautiful day. It's now 2:28 am, and I have no idea what time I am supposed to be awake for tomorrow. Ooops. Can someone please send coffee????
I have so much more to say.. like...
PS My daughter did a Suicide Improv Dance Contest tonight and won 1st place in solo and 3rd place in a trio with a couple of girls she had never danced with before! I am so freaking proud of her!!!!
My beautiful daughter Naomi with her awards
I think we both rocked out this anniversary in style!
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