If memory serves me right, and we all know how amazing my memory is *cough*, my intention for 2017 was to put myself out there and do new things. I think I actually had a list somewhere, but I can't find it. Nor can I find a blog post where I stated this intention. So we are just going to have to take my word for it.
As the end of the year approaches, I have been looking back at my year. What have I done to put myself out there and try new things? Have I done some things I have wanted to do and have been scared to do? Have I done things that helped me stretch and grow? Have I done things and failed gloriously? The answers to those questions might be, quite possibly yes! So I guess that means this has been a good year.
What have I done? Well, Tracy and I travelled to Ecuador (a new country for us). We did (or tasted) all kinds of new things there. Some of which made us amazingly sick. LOL But it was all about the experience. It was an amazing time, and we so want to go back again! Tracy and I went to a relationship conference, which we have never done before. That was fun and gave us some thoughts and experiences to grow on. Our relationship has grown and changed and continues to evolve, which is saying alot for a couple who has been together for 34 years! I decided to take Improv Classes. That was fun. Then I decided I sucked at it and I wasn't going to pursue it. Then I changed my mind and decided to put myself out there and audition for the Minor League Improve League and sure enough I got in. Then I thought, "Well, let's try Improvivor." That was a huge risk for me, and I ended up getting voted off pretty quickly. But that is okay. I tried something new, and I learned alot about myself. I went to LA with a girl friend on a kind of spontaneous decision. It was a HUGE thing for me to do that. And what I learned was helpful. I went to Oregon to crew for my friends 50K. That was another new thing. Was it hard or life changing? No, not really, but it was a great time and I got to hike on some new trails and support a man I love dearly! And it was my first trip with them so that was fun. I tried a new way of eating and it worked with great success, but for whatever reason, I stopped. I learned some things about me in that process as well. I went to my first BurlyCon on the 3rd anniversary of Nick's death. That was hard and beautiful all at the same time. I met amazing people and got fired up! I've reached out to a new community and made new amazing friends. I started a new kind of bellydance fusion and I'm learning to move in different ways and I started performing belly dance again with a dance studio I have admired for years and never thought I would be good enough to dance with. So yay! And then last night, I was able to check off something I have been wanting to do forever!!!!! Well okay, for at least 20 years....
I went to Country Western Swing Dance Lessons. I didn't just go. I went by myself. I had no dance partner. I had no friend to cling to. It was just me. To be fair, after I made the decision to go, I found out my friend who is a regular there was also going to be there, but she was not going to be dancing.
They called us all out on the dance floor. Women on one side and men on the other. The instructions, Men, pick a partner. All of a sudden, I felt like a kid at the roller rink waiting for a boy to ask me to couple skate. I was terrified. And sure enough, I was not picked. Well I could have been. It came down to 1 man and 2 women. I let the other woman dance. Mostly because, yes, I was scared. LOL I went back to the table where my friend and her friends were sitting. One of the men asked if I wanted to dance. So we went out there to learn together. They taught us one move, and then asked the men to rotate. It went this way all night. One move taught, and then the men rotated. So I had a whole slew of new dance partners. It was tons of fun. I spun around in circles all night. I had my boots on and my beer swing dress on. My dress flew out when I spun. One of my dance partners complimented me on the dress. I felt like a little girl in her favorite Sunday dress just spinning around in circles. I could stop smiling and giggling.
There were some seriously scary parts. Not only was I constantly being partnered with a new man while learning a new move. But, then they started teaching dips. All I could think was 1) I am a bigger woman and the guy who is going to dip me weighs a whole of 130#....MAYBE. 2) What if I get dropped on my head? I sucked up my fear and went ahead with this. Kevin (that was his name) dipped me once. That was all. The rest of the time he spent with me was just swinging and dancing with me. I knew why. My size. While I was a little upset, I understood and kind of grateful. I didn't want him dropping me on my head. But my self-esteem said, "Man, you should be skinny! No one will want to dance with you."
I did meet some very nice gentlemen who were tons of fun to dance with. Some were younger. Some were amazing. Some were older. Some were just kinda dorky but were having a great time (those were my favorites). One partner was surprised that it was my first time.
What I learned in class is that the men (the leads) have a much harder time than I do. All I have to do is is allow them to lead me (which is hard enough for this control freak). But the men/leads have to decide how they are going to lead me. They get to choreograph/improv the whole dance. It's all up to them. Poor suckers! Then they have to lead their partners smoothly and with some sense of musicality. That's alot of pressure. This also took a ton of pressure off of me. I realized that I can dance with anyone as long as they can lead me. I also learned that I need to trust and live in the flow of the dance. Not always as easy as it sounds. But I do this with my own performances when I am on stage. But now I have to live in the flow of what my partner thinks he wants to do and trust he has my best interest and safety at heart. I learned that my dance lessons in belly dance actually paid off in this swing dance class. Funny how that works.
I had a total blast. I ended up sweating like a pig. I wish I didn't sweat so easily and heavily. It is so not an attractive quality in a female dance partner (or at least that is what my ego told me). I was happy when class was over, not because it was over but because I put myself out there and had a great time.
Once I was home and in the hot tub with my hubby and daughter, we were talking about my experience. My daughter commented on how terrifying it would be to go alone to a bar to dance like that. She said she would need a friend to go with her. And yes, it was terrifying. But sometimes you need to do things that terrify you so that you know you are stronger than you think you are. Doing things that scare you forces you to listen to your intuition and you gut. It gives you a chance to grow. And the rewards are so much greater than doing something that you know is easy.
If given the chance, try new things. Make yourself uncomfortable. Be okay with screwing things up. Be okay with failure. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. This is the way we grow and learn. Now get out there and try something new!!!!
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