I have been posting on Facebook about all that I am learning in my Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) at Intermountain Hospital. I have been talking in generalities about subjects, and a friend of mine saw me in person and asked me to share more specifics about what I am learning. So that is what I am doing today.
One of the things that really has made a difference in my healing process and living my lie is a process called Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT). This process walks a person through an event that happened, their thoughts/beliefs about that event, their feelings about the event, and the behaviors that come from those thoughts/beliefs and emotions about the event. Once those have been written down, then we do the whole process over again, exchanging our thoughts/beliefs to more rational beliefs, and what we would feel and how we would behave based on those new thoughts and beliefs.
I first learned about this process while I was in inpatient care in the ICU at the psych ward at Intermountain Hospital. When I was first taught about it, I thought the event had to be an actual physical event like someone cutting me off in traffic. But in PHP I learned that you can REBT anything, including a thought of depression, as an event. Learning that blew my mind!
So here are a couple of practical examples, I will use what happened last night as I was in line for a show. It is actually much like being cut off in traffic.
EVENT: I stood in line for 2 hours to get good seats to a show. My husband and I were 3rd and 4th in line, when the people who were 1st and 2nd were actually allowing people (who came in and hour or 15 minutes till door opening) to join them in line and planned on saving 3 rows of seats for friends who were not even there yet. When talking with the man, he actually said he would fight people who tried to cut in front of him in line (when he said that, he didn't mention that he had planned on letting 10 to 15 people in front of us).
THOUGHTS/BELIEFS: I am not worthy. I am unimportant. I am not valid. My place in this world is not visible. Speaking up and stating my observations and truth would get me hurt either or both emotionally and physically. I am not worth stating my truth. My time is not as valuable as others. It's okay to be walked all over if it means keeping the peace and avoiding confrontation. I am weak. I am worthless. I am invisible.
FEELINGS: Intimidated, Scared, Fearful, Unworthy, Small, Tense, Unsure, Irritated, Angry, Desperate, Raging, Livid, Resentful, Dejected, Heavy
BEHAVIOR: Panic attack, physically shaky, blood pressure rises, chest pains, yelling profanities
So that is the "old way" of thinking.. here is what I replace it with...
EVENT: The same
THOUGHTS/BELIEFS: No one is entitled to any specific seat. There are plenty of seats, even if I don't get my favorite seat. I am strong and worthy of speaking my truth, regardless of the outcome. My time is as valuable as others, and if I was willing to do the time and do what is right by my own guage of fairness, then I am an ethical person and following my own standards which makes me an amazing human being..one worth loving and one worth being seen by others. I am strong. I am as worthy of a good seat as the others in the line. I am a loving, kind, patient and peaceful human being.
FEELINGS: Strong, Worthy, Peaceful, Compassionate, Tenacious, Assertive, Determined, Dynamic, Empowered, Joyful, Understanding, Optimistic
BEHAVIOR: Assertive conversation, standing up for my belief, calm demeanor, easy breathing, peacefully walking away from aggressive behavior.
This whole process is about changing thought and beliefs patterns to empower the person and create new thought patterns that will help a person live a more peaceful, assertive life.
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