I'm exhausted today and my brain is officially fried, but I am pretty certain it was worth it.
This election season, I have made a point of not being too political on Facebook. I have made a point of not watching debates and getting caught up in the rhetoric. Why? Well it's not because I don't want to be informed; it's because I get way too wrapped up in it. Emotionally it destroys me. Since Nick died, I have enough emotional stuff to deal with without having to get caught up in the craziness that comes out during election season. However, I have been paying attention. I don't want to be uneducated. So I do pay attention and listen enough to stay informed. I know what I want from a candidate. I know what I want in a president. And to be perfectly honest, I know who I am.
In keeping with my theme for the year (authenticity), I made what was a very hard decision for me yesterday. Last night was the Idaho Democrat Caucus. It fell on the same night (and time) as my bellydance class. This bellydance rehearsal was very important since we have a very important performance this weekend. By not going to dance, I could very well be told that I can not dance on Saturday (especially since I was out last week cause I was sick). I get it, and I understand. As it is, my decision not to go to dance resulted in one of my dances getting pulled from the line up, and I feel like I let 2 of the girls down since they don't get to dance that dance either now. However, going to the caucus was important, and I guess in my own limited opinion it was more important than dance.
In case anyone was wondering why I thought it was important, here are my reasons:
1) In Idaho, where this state is RED, I felt it was important to make sure that I as a political minority in my state show up to have my say.
2) Given the way our general elections work (with delegates and not popular votes) I felt like this is truly one of the only times my actual vote would be heard and make a difference.
3) As a woman, it is important that I use my right to vote. There are women in other countries who do not have this precious right to have a say so in how their government is ran. They don't get to voice their opinions. And (to me) it is wrong (for me) to squander this right.
4) Even though, I may not get to dance and even though one of my dances is cancelled, it was important for my daughter (who is not yet old enough to vote) to see how important it is, and what sacrifices need to be made in order to have our voices heard.
5) Then there is the obvious, I wanted to make sure my candidate had as much representation and votes as possible to make sure he won.
I voted for Bernie Sanders, and from what I could tell before the caucus, he was sure to win. I probably didn't need to go. He won by a landslide. But what if everyone thought, "Well he is going to win by a landslide, I don't need to go." What if everyone who thought that, decided NOT to go and Hillary would have won? Here's the deal, you vote and you lose, you get to complain. You don't vote and you lose, you don't get to complain. As U.S. Citizens we have a precious right that so many in other countries don't get. Not only is it a right, but it really is imperative that we do it. That is how I feel. And I had chosen dance over voting last night, I would not have been living with authenticity, an I would have been setting a bad example for my children. I feel bad for letting my bellydance sisters down, but I would have felt worse had I not gone to vote.
Boise made history last night. It's been deemed the largest caucus in the United States. It was a HUGE caucus with over 9000 votes cast, and that does not include people who came to stand in line but decided the line was too long so they left. It does not include those who drove downtown with the intention of voting but saw the line was too long so they didn't even park their cars. It did not include those who would have gone out if it were not for health issues (physical or emotional). It did not include those people who had to work and could not get off for fear of losing their jobs. A caucus like this is not a fair way to vote. It is limiting. Even with the limitations and challenges, it made history as the largest caucus in the US. And for once, as cool as that sounds, I avoided TV cameras and reporters. I avoided them at the Benie Rally the day before. Why? Because it wasn't about me or what I had to say. It was about US as a collective.
I also realized that this election season, the brain injury has affected my ability to understand, remember, and talk about this election the way I used to before bonking my head. Don't ask me why I am voting for a specific candidate. I will not be able to talk like I have a clue. LOL. I was asked by a good friend yesterday why I voted for Bernie. She was sitting in the undecided section of the caucus. He husband already cast his vote, but she just couldn't decide so she was asking. She felt uninspired by Bernie and Hillary and she didn't want to just follow a path she didn't believe in. I get that, and I am proud of her for following that. But when she asked me why I voted for Bernie, my best answer was this: "I went to the rally yesterday and I agreed with everything he said. There was not one thing that I heard that made me say, "absolutely not"." So then she asked me why I didn't vote for Hillary. I thought about it. And I have to be quite honest. I have probably NOT given Hillary my due diligence. However, given my voting history and my typical thoughts...I have a better answer today than what I gave her yesterday. My answer yesterday was, "I didn't vote for her because she is part of the Machine, and I don't like the Machine." The reality is, long before Obama declared he was going to run for President, I knew that if he ever ran, I would vote for him. Why? Because, in my eyes, he was much different than any other candidate I had ever seen. He was not part of the "Machine". He looked and sounded more real than the rest of the polished politicians. Yes, he was still a politician, but there was something very genuine about him. There was something very authentic about him that just resonated with me. And yes, some of his core policies I agreed with. When it comes to Hillary (whom I always thought I would vote for if she ever ran), I have decided over the last several years, that she is just like the rest of the politicians. Says one things, does another because she is being financed by big money. She does not have my best interest in mind. So, no, she does not get my vote. I want someone in office who thinks on their own. I want someone who is not dependent on big money. I want someone who will look out for the small guy and help build the small guy up. This country is only as strong as its weakest link. If we do not build up those who are weak, then we are only allowing that to grow. We need to educate our citizens. We need to get them healthy. We need a livable wage. I have listened to my parents about how they were raised. I have listened to my grandparents. I have watched and paid attention to how I was raised an my thoughts and the things we did and how we have been able to live. And now as a mom of young adults, I see how hard it is for them. It was easier for me to find a job making $10/hour and LIVE on that..that was 28 years ago. The jobs are harder to find an even less income now..and the cost of living is much higher! Not to mention the cost of education. How fair is that? How is our country suppose to progress and stay great, if we can't afford to live on our own or go to college? So yes... Bernie has my vote, for that reason and so many other reasons. And that is why Hillary does NOT have my vote. I do not think she will do what needs to be done.
So anyway...I was part of history last night, but not because it was cool....but because I did what was right and it just happened to make history. And in doing so, living authentically, I had to make a sacrifice and my choice affected people besides myself. I know for some, it may seem like no big deal, but to me it was huge.
Now if I could only find a couple of days to rest my brain after 2 days of over stimulation, that would be great!
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