November 4, 2015 Maybe I should Have Taken Notes???

Today has been a good day.  I really do have more good days than bad these days.

I am enjoying writing my novel and have ideas of weaving some of my favorite themes in through it, but who knows.

I met with another angel mom today for coffee.  But before we were angel moms we were friends. It was nice to visit with her.  We are both writing books about our experiences.  I find it interesting that we both lost our sons, but we lost them in different ways.  Mine was killed on a motorcycle; her's took his own life.  We still grieve, but our grief manifests differently.  And beyond that, I have other friends who have lost their children to suicide and still the way they grieve is different than the friend i met today.  I have talked to several women about the loss of their children and there is one thing we all have in common, that is that we all grieve differently.  There is no real clear course on the journey of grief.  There are so many things that play into how we grieve:  the relationship we had with our child, the way our child was lost, the age of our child, our faith or lack their of, what tools we already had in our tool chest, the support system we have around us.  All of these things, and more, help guide us along our journeys.

There is also a common thread among angel moms that doesn't really get talked about.  No one should ever compare their grief to another person.  People in the same family will grieve differently over the same death.  That is because each person had an individual relationship with the loved one who died.  Moms and Dads will grieve differently and sometimes might not even understand why the other grieves the way that they do, and sometimes that lends itself to comparing and might even have one saying, "You don't understand.  You have no right to grieve that way."  I know that sounds harsh, but after talking to several people, this seems to be common.  I think we moms have this feeling like "we carried this child in our womb for 9 months.  We felt the kicks deep inside.  We felt the hiccups.  We were uncomfortable.  This child was PART of me."  But that doesn't make our grief any more important than the husbands.  Nor does it invalidate the grief of he husband or partner who didn' carry the child. And what about adoptive parents who were excitedly waiting for the birth of their child only to have that child not survive birth.  That adoptive parent still had hopes, dreams and even love for that child.  They still need to grieve.  No one can tell you that you are not allowed to grieve and no one is allowed to tell you HOW to grieve or when grief should stop.

This coffee date with my friend Randy was eye opening, and I wish I had taken notes on what I thought about.

The other thing I wish I had taken notes on are the quotes used in Yoga tonight.  Nate and i finally made it to yoga tonight.  We have been talking about it for months it seems.  We finally made it, and the quotes the instructor read were amazing and so on point for my thought process lately.  *sigh*  Oh well.  What can I do.  I guess I could have stayed around until she came out an asked here for the quotes, but I didn't.  I wish my brain wasn't an in one ear out the other kind of brain.

Here's to a peaceful night's sleep after yoga.. and a beautiful day tomorrow!!!