Tuesday, April 4, 2017

April 4, 2017 Not what I thought I would write about today...

I really thought today's blog would be about giving birth to Nick 28 years ago.  However, I know I have shared that before, and I just can't find it.  When I went looking for it, I ended up finding the eulogy I wrote and gave at his memorial, and I think that is more fitting for today....  but I don't think I have ever shared it in a blog... or I might have.  But you all know how much I blog.   So ya, I will just share it here.....

"20 years ago as Nick’s dad prepared for graduation from FIT, I  never imagined we would have a child preparing to graduate from the same school.  And Just last week, I was thinking about Nick’s graduation that was to take place the day after my birthday this year… 20 years after his dad graduated from here.  It’s crazy to think how time flies.  And it’s crazy to think how much this particular school has shaped and changed the life of our family.  So thank you all for being here and being part of this beautiful life.








Nick was an amazing human being.  He had his own religious beliefs (or lack there of).  But here is what I like to believe…. Everything is made of energy.  And to me, God and Energy are synomynous.  I believe that before we come to earth to have this human experience, we choose parents that will lead us down a path to help us learn the lessons we want to learn during our time here on earth and once we learn those lessons, we let go and return to that energy source.  I fully believe that And since I believe we are all one and I believe we are all energy, then I also believe that Nick is still right here with us.  (And I can totally see him rolling his eyes at me right now and shaking his head at me.  That’s okay, he’ll get over it!)

The funny thing is, Nick often got into conversations about “what happens after we die”.  And typically the conversation comes down to, “no one REALLY knows because we are alive and NOT dead.”  So  now, Mr. Know It All is dead and he has the answer to this question and I wonder if he is laughing at us going.. “neener neener neener, I know the answers!”  It’s all good.

From the very beginning Nick lived life on his own terms.  He took a look at the perspective parents to choose from.  I’m sure he got all analytical about it.  He probably used the scientific method to make his choice.  But whatever he did to decide, he ended up giving his dad and I the surprise of our life by letting us know he had chosen us just 2 weeks before our planned wedding date.  He couldn’t have waited just a few more weeks?  (Did you all notice he is a bit impatient?)



Then after choosing the earthly experience, and choosing his parents, I kind of think he might have changed his mind cause he just didn’t want to be born.  He was late and refused to come out on his own, no matter what the doctors did to try and coax him out.  Finally, he had to be cut out and brought into this world kicking and screaming with a temper tantrum cause he didn’t get his way.  (maybe that explains the rest of his childhood and the choices he made… just trying to get back at us for not giving him more time.. I don’t know.)

He loved life. He loved adventure.  He loved to learn.  He CRAVED learning..his entire life.  Even though, from the time he was born he was raised in a conservative Christian home, he still had his own thoughts and opinions.  I raised him to make up his own mind.. no matter what my beliefs were. I would not force them on him.  So when, at the age of 11 he decided to ask us about Wicca, my heart kind of stopped but his dad and I did our research and helped to guide him down the path in which he felt he was called.  And as a family we studied.  He felt at home there for several years… we all did. 

But his spiritual beliefs didn’t stop there.  He continued to read and research.  He continued to live life on his terms.  And eventually he decided he had NO religious beliefs.  He decided there was no god.. only science.  And that’s cool by me.  And I could not be any prouder of him with his choice to become part of the SSA and go beyond that and become the President of the club here on campus. He was passionate and I loved that about him.



Some of the discussions he has had about his religious views and his scientific views could get pretty heated. So heated, in fact, even the flies were afraid to listen in from the walls.  But that is the way Nick lived.  He played life full on, filled with passion for everything he did. 

Nick was always the kid that was a bit different, especially in high school.  Most kids were wearing name brand clothes trying to fit in.  Nick wore sarongs or Kilts to school dances with Suzy.  His senior year, his back to school shopping wasn’t done at the mall, it was done at Haight Ashbury in San Fransisco… all hippy wear, all the time.  Funny, he went from wearing all black clothing to some of the brightest colors ever!  He was an all or nothing kind of guy.  If he was in something, he was ALL in!  (I’m sure he came by that honestly.)




Maybe that is why when he fell in love with Suzy in 8th Grade and Suzy just wanted to be friends, Nick waited a couple of years until Suzy was ready.  He just knew that she was the one.. even if she didn’t know it yet. He was all in long before she came around to the idea.  And I’m so glad she finally did.. cause we kinda like her and we might just keep her.  She can’t get rid of us now!



His mind was beautiful.  And his heart was JUST as beautiful.  He loved to give out hugs.  He loved to laugh.  He had a wicked sense of humor.  And in our family, if you don’t have a sense of humor, you are just gonna sink.  We kind of joke in our family… “Here’s the appropriate line…. .and then here’s us.”  As a matter of fact, a couple of years ago, I had a cycling accident and hit my head an sustained a pretty serious head injury.  I had a bit of a personality change.  Before my injury, I never cussed.  But afterwards, well.. let’s just say, I could teach the sailors a thing or two.  And Nick thought this was hilarious.  Last June while he was visiting Idaho, he laughed and said, “I like the brain injured you. You are more fun now!”  Yup, he always spoke his mind and lived life on his terms, and I would never want it any other way.

He was the best big brother to Nate and Naomi.  He baby sat them and saved the house from burning down once.  Which is kind of funny cause Nick loves to play with fire.  I am just grateful he realized that the house burning down would not have been a good time to play with fire.  When his dad was travelling and could not make it to the daddy daughter dance for Omi’s elementary school, Nick stepped up in his best Hippie Attire and took Naomi to her daddy daughter dance.  He Flew from Florida to surprise his brother Nate and take him to an Avenge 7 Fold Concert in Idaho.  He taught Naomi how to work on their Dad’s motor cycle and on cars.  He taught both of them how to ride their bicycles.  He introduced them to all kinds of music.   He was their best friend and protector.

  


Nick, from the get go, you melted our hearts.  You were the spitting image of your dad.. the perfect mirror.  You were a shining light in this world and that light will never fade, but continue to shine through each life you touched.  You are already missed in such profound ways.  Thank you for picking me and Dad to be your parents.  Thank you for teaching us how to be parents.  Thank you for the adventure!  And if you get a chance, can you send us a note and let us know what’s on the other side so we can all stop arguing about it? That would be cool.. it might even bring world peace!  Thanks!

  




We love you, Kiddo."













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