As a child growing up in a concrete jungle, I learned that the best way to unwind from an emotional landslide was to put my feet to the pavement or go on long bike rides. I started walking long, unattended walks (5 or more miles) in elementary school. My bike rides were all over the place, but I did have one rule. I could not go under the expressway (which was just under 2 miles away), but I could go anywhere, North, South or West without any limitations. And I did just that, all of the time. Physical activity was my emotional outlet.
I belong to a board on facebook that talks about Self-Care. Someone suggested that maybe some of our "self-care" techniques were about avoidance rather than really taking care of ourselves emotionally. I can see where some of the time, my running away from something (especially when I'm really upset) can be seen and felt as avoidance. But inevitably, I calm down and settle in and my mind comes to some kind of peace or learns some kind of lesson. As a child, I was not so self-aware to understand the lessons that might be coming at me. But as an adult with some wisdom under my belt, I am pretty open to listening to my intuition and being open to metaphors in life.
This week has been a very emotional week for me. There have been lots of "little black bags" for me to open and dig through and explore. It has been difficult. I am so grateful that Tracy gave me my birthday present (my bike) early and I have been able to get on the bike and ride. The other day, I took my bike to the greenbelt to ride. I needed a bit of self-care, but really, I wanted to just get on my bike and feel freedom. I wanted to see the Boise River Flooding and I wanted to just be out in the beautiful nature that surrounds me. It is so different than the concrete jungle I grew up in. The rain finally let up that morning and I took my bike to the greenbelt.
Time after time I came across signs and blockades that said "path closed" or "detour" or "caution". The Boise River was flooding and taking out paths. But I wanted to SEE it for myself. So I went beyond the cautions signs. And yes, sometimes I was very cautious because I could see where the greenbelt had broken off into the river, and it is a possibility that it could continue doing so as I walked across it. But I saw the warning signs and I kept going. I'm glad I did. I was able to go for about a mile or so before I came across fast and deep (ish) looking water going across the path. I decided that I was not stupid, and I turned around and went back the other direction. Again, I carefully rode by that broken part of the path and I made it safely.
Sometimes I could see just beyond the sign that the water was too much and I really can't get beyond the signs. But then there were other times, where I could not see the immediate danger.
That is where the real lesson comes in.........
So I came across a blockade. It said, "Path closed". Presumably, it was closed because of flooding over the path. But I could not see any water. So with caution, I proceeded. Interestingly enough, I arrived at the other end of this blockade and it, too, had a sign that said, "Path Closed". But I had just gone from point A to point B with absolutely no issues whatsoever. It is clear and safe now. What happened? Well, at some point, that part of the path had been flooded and dangerous, and the park's crew wanted to keep us safe so they put up signs to tell us it's closed and not go any further. Then, the conditions changed. The water dried up. It's safe again. But those warning signs are still there. Those "path closed" signs could have had me turning away.. stopping in my tracks.. giving up and going back the way I came.. or just finding a different way around.
That is just like life. Sometimes, something "bad" comes along and hurts us. In order to protect ourselves, we put up little blockades that say, "Caution, going beyond this could be harmful and painful. Maybe you should turn away or find a different way around." Sometimes those signs are very valid and on point. And sometimes those signs are just "out dated" and need to be questioned. Sometimes you need to come up to that sign, read it, feel the caution and keep moving through it. While you are moving through it, you have a choice... you can stay guarded and always on edge (which is emotionally draining and causes unneeded drama) or you can enjoy the safe journey and the beauty that surrounds you and just deal with any issues that come up WHEN they appear.. not before.. because as I found on my bike ride, that danger just might not be there anymore; the caution signs just haven't been removed yet.
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