January 25, 2016 Authentically Naked

When thinking about this blog and thinking about how I wanted to title it, the words "Authentically Naked" seemed very provocative and true.  I really want to make sure my words and thoughts come out clearly for this post.  Please be patient with me.

Last night I performed two numbers at the January Edition of the Frankly Burlesque Revue.  A revue means that there is no set theme for the show and you can do any type of number that you like.  My original plan for the 2016 burlesque season was to not perform until the spring time, and it was going to be a couple of pieces that are already floating around in my head.  However, last Sunday and Monday, Frankie (my friend and producer of the show) was posting that she needed more performers.  I already had plans to go out of town on Saturday night and return on Sunday and I really didn't have a number ready.  But I saw this plea for help and I had a "stupid" song stuck in my head that was begging to be performed as a burlesque number.  I quickly verified with my traveling partner about our return time on Sunday.  We would be home in time for me to get to performance on Sunday night.  YIKES.  That is cutting it close.  1)  The piece was only a thought process and no where near developed!  2) In order to be ready to perform Sunday night, I would need to have the whole number ready (costuming done, choreo ready and rehearsed, burlesque bag packed) before I left to go out of town.  3)  I also decided I would perform TWO numbers, not just one.  I wanted to bring out "Return to Joy" with a revamped choreo and more facial expression for the story line and really feel like I did the piece (and my son, who it was created in memory of) justice.  That was so much to do in 5 days (on top of dentist appointments, car appointments, belly dance and pole dance classes and voice lessons for Naomi!

After being cleared by Frankie to do two numbers, I went out in search of the right song for my  new piece.  (Yes, I had a song stuck in my head, but the song had multiple versions.)  I downloaded three different versions and still could not decide.  Eventually, I cut one out.  I let my husband and my daughter listen.  The vote was inconclusive.  They both had their merits, but I just wasn't sure.  I knew what I wanted to accomplish with this music.  I knew that reaction I wanted from the audience. Both of these pieces could have worked.  It was too hard to decide.  So I turned to my burlesque sister and asked her opinion.  We decided on the traditional Chicken Dance Polka.  Yup, you read that right.  I did a burlesque act to the Chicken Dance.

Here is where I need to tell you that my biggest request for my memorial service when I die is that my family laugh while doing the chicken dance and the Macarena.  *laugh*  They hate me.  But this is true.  I love the Chicken Dance.  The first time I had ever even hard of it was at a company picnic when Nick was just a little toddler.  They had a DJ who played this and Nick and I went up front and learned how to do the Chicken Dance.  I love that memory and I have loved that song and dance ever since.  I don't care how Corny it is!

Once I had the song finalized, it was time to get to work on the costume.  I had looked online for chicken costume ideas.  I knew I wanted to do a "reveal" (which means strip own to tassel twirling pasties).  So whatever I created needed to fulfill that requirement.  I found what I thought would work.  After 2 failed attempts, huge feathery messes in my house, blood, sweat, tears and laughter, I finally figured it out and created (what I thought) was the cutest and most logical costume for the performance.  I already had a black an white feathered bra from my very first burlesque performance.  I do not ever see me doing that particular dance again so why not re purpose it?!   With that decided, I purchased a few more feather boas, 9 in all.  5 white and 4 black and white.  I created a feather tutu that was tied with a yellow ribbon I already used as a belt for a dress I no longer had (another re purposing).  I bought dish gloves to make chicken feet and stuffed the fingers/toes with cotton balls (which I already had).  I researched how to make pasties, bought the necessary items (kept the left overs for further pastie making days) and used my hot glue and rhinestones that I already had on hand.  I made my very first set of pasties!  Woohooo!!!!  I also had to make an underbra that was to cover up my "underboob" to keep in line with the alcohol licensing in Boise and new pretty panties... both of those things had to be blingd out!  It was a crazy few days of costuming in my house!

But most importantly (for this blog) was my decision to not wear stockings of any type.  Since this is the year of authenticity, I really try to keep this in mind when it comes to my actions.  The decision to cut my hair, not dye it for a year and let the gray hair grown in was a huge decision that I have gotten some flack for from my friends who can not stand the idea of their hair graying.  And in reality, as a performer, the idea of having my gray hair grow out does not exactly excite me.  But I want to accept and love me the way that I am naturally... and that means my gray hair.  That also means, loving my cellulite and my stretch marks.  It means loving my fleshy thighs and the weight that I have gained back after back surgery and no running and poor eating habits that have returned.  Yes, tights/stockings would look more professional and sexier on stage and yes there are probably people out there in the audience who might think, "Oh god.. she should not be up there doing that.. she is too old.. too fat..."  But... I am ME!  And I LOVE ME!  I am not going to hide in my seat as an audience member because I let my fear of being too fat or too old get hold of me.  Tomorrow is not promised.  Why would I waste right NOW in hopes for thinner days, when I could die tomorrow?  I should do what I love TODAY!  So....I decided, cellulite, gray hair, fleshy legs and all.. I'm going up on that stage and being authentically naked.  Not just from a physical stand point, but also from a very emotional stand point.  Being up on stage in front of 100 or so of your closest friends and bearing close to all puts you in a very vulnerable position.  You are emotionally naked!

Speaking of emotionally naked, lets talk about the actual performance, shall we?  Like I said, I did two acts last night.  There is an intermission in the show.  So I performed one act in each half.  Both of these pieces were very different.  "Return to Joy" set to Feeling Good by Muse is my tribute piece to Nick.  After my first burlesque performance, he told me that I needed to do a performance to Buble's Feeling Good, but that is cliche.  Everyone does that.  So I found Muse.  It is perfect, cause it is the kind of music he likes; its harder, edgier..just like him.  The story line goes from a mom dressed in a dark rob of mourning.  But then sheds her mourning for the golden butterfly wings of transformation and joy.  It is a beautiful piece and totally inspired by Nick.  Last night, as I laid curled up in a ball hands over my face ready for the curtain to be drawn, Frankie introduced my piece as  a tribute to my son.  I heard the audience gasp.  My heart was racing.  I was talking with Nick.  (The first and last time I performed this, I had a wardrobe malfunction that really threw me off guard.  The audience seemed to like it anyway, but I felt as though I had let Nick, Frankie and myself down.  This time, I had revamped the choreo to prevent that and added some acting to it to allow for a possible cover up of a wardrobe issue and to really emphasize the finding of joy and shedding of mourning.  Anyway, I heard Frankie introduce me, the music started, the curtain pulled and my body did what my body does.  It danced.  The audience was silent in the beginning of my piece.  Then the music changed, my movements changed and the audience didn't just see, but they felt the shift of emotion.  They cheered as I reclaimed my joy!  And they cried.  I made an audience cry... I moved them to tears with my dance.. my art...my story (and no words were spoken...well except in the introduction of the piece).  It was beautiful!  The music ended, appreciated my audience for witnessing my journey and I exited the stage.

There is magic behind the curtains and stage of a burlesque show.  It's not a bunch of catty women.  It's not a competition about who's act is better or who's costume is prettier.  It's not about who's body is in better condition?  It is all about love, acceptance, assistance, and most of all FAMILY!  So after I finished Return to Joy, I stepped off the stage into the arms of my brothers and sisters who cried with me.  Who loved me.  Who came up to me and told me that they too were missing their children who had been kidnapped (I had no idea) and had never thought to put that emotion into performance an they were moved to tears.    And last night, I was not the only performer with such an emotionally charged piece.  Ferryman was too.  Last night, he and I wept and supported each other.  That is what a family does!  THAT IS BURLESQUE IN BOISE!

Whew!  After such an emotional performance, it was time to change my costumes!  Our "dressing room" it literally a little tiny make shift hall way created by temporary red, velvet curtains that are hung up by our producers when they arrive that night.  It is maybe 3 to 4 feet wide in most of the area (one section has more room cause it leads to stairs that lead to music studios upstairs).  This area is also the only way to the outdoor smoking section of the bar.  So yes, it is not very private.  And when you get 11 performers/producers with all of their costume bags and gear back there with one little tiny toilet room with one little tiny round mirror and the only good lighting for make up...it gets CRAZY!  Men and women in different stages of dress or undress...and then the random audience member making a quick walk through to get to the smoking area....its always entertaining.  But the energy is electric!  Everyone helps each other with costume changes.  Someone forgets something, someone else has extra.  I needed tips for glittering my body....and there we were...me in panties and my bra, Josh sitting in a chair getting his  make up done, Frankie doing her make up and Ferryman's make up artist..all in one little tiny toilet room where Ferryman's friend and Franky took turns alternately spraying my naked skin with hair spray and blowing glitter from their hand onto my body.  Yes.. this is burlesque.  Authentically Naked.

Finally, after having to do pastie repair work (thanks to Mimi and Lillian), I am dressed and ready to go..just in time to watch Ferryman perform his static trapeze act from behind the curtain.  So moving.  So emotional!  So beautiful!  So raw!!!  So authentically naked!  He comes off stage to open arms and hugs.  I then watch the next performers who go on stage right before me.  So much fun!  They exit the stage to praises and high fives and I hear Frankie start my introduction.  "Sometimes Burlesque is Funny....."  The music for my Shake a Tail Feather performance starts, and I walk like a chicken onto the stage and as soon as the very recognizable Chicken Dance song starts, the audience laughs and cheers and start doing the dance with me!  YES!!!!!  This is exactly what I had envisioned!!!  The audience cheers and squeals with  delight.  For a few moments, they are children remembering doing these dances at happy times like weddings or picnics or maybe elementary school dances.  They are watching me be silly on stage shaking my feathered tushie and shimmying my shoulders.  With the help of my strategically placed friend, I stepped off the stage and out into the audience I went.  I flirted and played with my audience.  I shimmied and shaked.  I flashed a little peekaboo of what was under my feather tutu.  I laughed and I smiled. I played with my audience.  I danced and twirled as they cheered and sang along.  And back up on the stage I went.  It was time to get serious.  It was time to start "revealing".  I realized in that moment I had totally forgotten to put on my gloves!  Now what?  Time to improvise. Instead of taking 3 things off during 3 different sections, I now had 3 sections and 2 things to remove.  YIPES.  So.. I played and teased my audience. "Get ready I'm going to take off my tutu.. Nope.. not yet."  They ate it up!  More chicken and duck and shaking my butt..then it was the polka again.. time to take off the tutu.  They were eating out of the palm of my hand!  The music (as it does) gets faster.  These "reveals" were going much faster than a normal classical reveal.  But the audience was into it.  Then it was time to shed my feathered bra....the looks on their faces!  The hooping and hollering.  The laughing.  The cheers.  The surprise.  Is this really happening during a chicken dance?  Yes it is!  Brilliant!  This is burlesque!!!!  The song ended.  I was all smiles.  The audience was all smiles.  I blew them kisses and exited the stage to the cheers of my burlesque family.  As I walked back to my suitcase to change into my street clothes, I could hear the audience.....they were still cheering and screaming for my performance.  I felt like a rock star!  If I had been a rock star, and no one was on right after me, it would have required another step onto the stage for another bow.. at least that is what it sounded and felt like.

Last night, I made the audience cry and then I made them laugh!  That was my goal.  I let myself be authentically naked..both physically and emotionally... I shared a deeply emotional experience and I shared my silly side and they loved me.. more importantly I LOVED ME!  This is burlesque!

After the show, I went out to the audience to love and thank my friends for coming.  I seriously have the best friends.  I have the best support group.  It's crazy to think that here are people who make time out of their busy schedule and come to a show just to watch me perform!  But they do.  And I love them for that!  Crazier yet, was the line of people waiting to talk to me to tell me how moved they were.. either to tears or to laughter.  "I have not had that much fun in so long!  Thank you for  making me laugh!"  "I have not laughed that hard in  months. My cheeks hurt from smiling!"  "Your dance made me cry.  It was truly beautiful."  "You are so beautiful!"  As I type this, I am crying.  Some of these people were regulars of the show.  And some of them were people I have never seen before.  Yet they stood in line just to talk to me and give me their appreciation.  My heart was so full!  It was full before I ever came out from behind the curtains.   Being able to share the give and take with the audience from on stage is a magical experience.  To have that energy exchange with the audience is breathtaking.  It is what I have always loved about performing..whether it was singing in musicals as a child, being a professional storyteller as an adult, being a belly dancer at festivals or now...burlesque.  Being on stage is my happy place.  Helping people think, feel, experience something they might not have otherwise is a beautiful thing.

 I really want to take this time to thank my amazing husband Tracy who supports my crazy shenanigans.   Performing takes practice which means time away from him.  Classes take not only time but money, and he never complains..only supports.  And even when he feels icky, he is front row cheering me on with a huge smile and adoring eyes while I shimmy and shake and take it off for 100 people; all I see in his eyes is him saying, "I love you and I could not be prouder of you!"

I want to thank my daughter Naomi who helps me with costuming and laughs with me.

I want to thank Mimi and Frankie for being the best burlesque mentors and big sisters a showgirl could ever ask for!  I want to thank Ferryman for his awesome hugs and sharing his big heart.  I want to thank Lillian for her help last night and the inspiration she has been to me for years as I have been an audience member and only dreamed of sharing a stage with her one day.  And thanks to tall of my other burlesque family who was back stage last night.  The bonds we form while performing together are priceless and I love you all!  Thank you for being part of my journey!