My heart has been so heavy. My brain has been so confused. As a white person in a very white state, I feel a bit removed from the situation. I also feel very helpless. I was not sure what *I* could do that would make any difference. Everything that I tried to say on Facebook just came out wrong. My friends (who are civil rights activists) were pretty much calling me a racist (or at least it felt that way). But that is not what is in my heart. And no matter how much I tried to explain myself, I think I just kept digging my hole bigger. It was frustrating. Finally I just removed the post all together. I felt like it was only breeding more animosity between my friends, and that is not what I want.
What I want is peace. What I want is love. What I want is for the killing to stop! I want change, but I do not know how to affect change. The only way I know how to affect change is to BE the change I wish to see. That is how I have always lived my life.. BE THE LOVE. But is that enough at this point? I don't know. Like I said, I feel helpless. And I have been having a difficult time understanding. I have been reading my friend's posts. I have been listening to what they have been saying. But my brain just wasn't getting it. I felt like a kid in math class where all of the other students were getting this crazy math equation and I was sitting in the back of the class just shaking my head and feeling stupid.
I have been wracking my brain. And I have been meditating. And then tonight as I wrapped up my prayers and meditation, this visual came into my head and literally all of the pieces came together. Not just the pieces.....but a story came with it. People learn best by stories...this is why children are told stories at such young ages. This is why the Grim Tales were created. This is why mythology was created. Stories help us learn. And my brain, in its state of brain damage, definitely needs a story to understand. And this is what it was given tonight:
"The Missing Piece To the Puzzle" by Martha Spiva
Stephanie and her mom, Laura, were sitting at the table
putting a puzzle together. In the background,
the news was running on the television.
The news anchor mentioned Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter.
Laura wasn’t paying much attention to the background noise
of the talking heads on the TV, but as young people do, they listen when you
least expect them to. Stephanie stopped
what she was doing. She rolled the
puzzle piece in her hand and stared off into space like she was concentrating
hard on a concept that she just couldn’t understand.
Laura noticed that Stephanie had stopped placing pieces of
the puzzle together and she looked up.
She saw this pensive look on her young daughter’s face. Suddenly she looked so much more mature than
her 11 years of age. “Stephanie, what is
the matter? Are you okay? Do you need help putting the pieces of the
puzzle together?”
Stephanie looked at her mom.
Indeed, she did need pieces of the puzzle put together, but it wasn’t
the puzzle on the table she was thinking about.
“Mom, what does Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter mean? What is the news lady saying?”
Laura looked at the puzzled look on her daughter’s
face. She looked at the television and
saw angry and heart broken black people on the TV. She saw scenes of police being shot. She saw what her daughter was seeing. It was too much for even her to truly
understand, but how was she going to explain it to her 11-year-old daughter?
Laura rolled the piece of puzzle she was holding in her
hand. She felt its smooth face with the
picture on top. She felt the rougher backside. She felt the twists and turns of the
side. She blankly stared at the piece in
her hand and the whole puzzle on the table.
She looked at the other pieces just lying there waiting to be placed into
the puzzle to create the bigger, more complete picture. And it dawned on her.
“Sweetie, humanity is like this puzzle on our table. It takes all of these pieces on the table to
create one big picture and make it whole.”
She continued to place pieces of the puzzle together.
“Each one of these pieces matter. If just one of these pieces goes missing,
then the whole puzzle is incomplete and just a waste. And just like this puzzle, humanity needs all
of its pieces, all of its cultures, all of its people. Yes, all lives matter. With out all of the different kinds of people
in this world, humanity and our human experience would be incomplete. However, to understand and to differentiate
between what “All Lives Matter” and “Black Lives Matter” truly means, we need
to think about this puzzle.”
What would happen, if we got all but ONE piece of this
puzzle put together? What would happen
if we get to the very last piece and all of a sudden it is missing? Suddenly,
what matters most in that moment is that last missing piece of the puzzle. You stop and do everything you can to find it
and put it in its rightful place so that there is peace in your puzzle world
and you can relax and enjoy the full picture.
Right?”
“Well that is what “All Lives Matter” and “Black Lives
Matter” is like. Yes, all lives
matter. But when one section of humanity
is missing, when one section of humanity is being singled out and hurt, you
want to do the very best you can to help that section of humanity heal, feel
better, and become whole and one with the rest of humanity so that the whole of
humanity will be complete and at peace.”
“So yes, “All Lives Matter” but right now, “Black Lives
Matter” because they are in danger and we need to help them. Does that make sense?”
Stephanie, who had been continuing to put the pieces to her literal
puzzle together, stopped and watched as her mother put the 2nd to
last piece of the puzzle together. In
Stephanie’s small hand, she held the last piece of the puzzle that would
complete the whole picture. She rolled
it around in her hand as she thought about what her mom had just told her. She held it tight in her hand. She closed her eyes, placed her hand close to
her heart and said, “This last piece matters.
There will be no peace until all pieces are unified and safely put
together again. As I place this last
piece in the puzzle, I do so knowing that Black Lives Matter and until everyone
realizes that, there will be no peace.”
I really hope that made sense. I really hope I got that right. Love and Peace!
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