Survey says.....
L3/L4 Herniated Disc (Herniated = Rupture...Rupture of L5/S1 is what I had surgery for back in 2005)
L5/S1 Bulging (which is normal in "aging" people and bone spurs and "arthritic changes" which is also kinda expected based on previous surgery in 2005)
Layman's terms.... think of the discs between your vertebra as jelly donuts. They are soft and squishy and have a "hard shell" around them. When they bulge, they just look bigger than the others and kinda like hamburgers..big and puffy with a bun. When they are herniated or ruptured (terms can be interchanged) that means the hard protective surface as been cracked and the jelly is kinda oozing out. (That oozing out part is what I had shaved off..called a discectomy..of my L5/S1 back in 2005).
These can be caused by many things, but this time I can not pin point one specific incident. When this happened in 2005, I had some severe lower back pain that I saw a chiropractor for. But then the back pain gave way to sciatica. We tried for MONTHS to fix the issue with chiro care, drug therapy, inversion tables, massage..everything. But after 6 months, we finally ordered and MRI only to find out it was ruptured and I was told by my chiro and my massage teacher that it likely will need surgery to repair. I finally went to a back surgeon that was recommended (cause that kind of thing is damn scary!) The back surgeon said, if you have been dealing with the pain for 6 months, it is not going to go away on its own. It will need surgery. *sigh*
So here I am. January 1st my back started hurting. I was layed up for a few weeks. When I though it was safe, I went back out again only to have it go out even worse on MLK weekend (specifically January 19th). On January 23rd, reached for something and I FELT something "pop" in my back and I KNEW something was not right. Back to the doctor..and tests were scheduled.
So what now???
Well, the good news is, this herniated disc has NOT caused a real case of sciatica. So based on what I know from history with this and my own reading up on this, it is possible we have caught this early enough that maybe I can do physical therapy to strengthen the muscles of my back to support the issue. There is no fixing the disc themselves..rather it is a matter of preventing pain at this point. If I can make my back stronger, then hopefully the herniated disc will not cause the sciatica which prompted the surgery last time. But I gotta be smart about it!
So the next step, see my surgeon and verify my course of action. He is not one to jump to surgery and would rather someone avoid it if they can. I trust him with my life (obviously..he has already done one back surgery and my knee surgery and Tracy's knee surgery). I know he will steer me in the right direction.
It's funny how quickly life changes. Just 2 months ago, I was running 20 miles for fun and now I can't even walk around the block without pain. However, I am happy to say the pain has been considerably less intense and I have not had any pain meds today and I have done some running around. But my back is kinda done for the day. *laugh* I'll take it! Oh ya..and I got to be out in the sun, which Boise has not seen in 20 days!
Here's to a new adventure in healing....funny... in the last year, I think I may have spent more time recovering from injuries than I have actual sporting events! I was well enough just long enough to ride 400 miles, go on vacation, and run my first ultra. LOL. I guess this is what happens when you lead such a fun life!
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Learning To Live in a Judgment Free Zone
I saw this commercial this morning and it totally reminded me of the way I felt in Burlesque Class last night. Actually, this is the way I have felt in any and EVERY dance class I have ever taken. When I was 6 years old and then 9 or 10 years old taking Ballet, I felt completely out of place. I was over weight, couldn't figure out how to wear my leotards, couldn't figure out the positions, and generally felt self conscious. I felt completely out of place. I didn't feel graceful at all. When I look at my pictures from back then in my Swan Lake recital costume, I see a girl that is totally uncomfortable with herself. I STILL feel like this in Belly Dance. I don't feel like a graceful belly dancer. I don't feel like a Burlesque dancer that just oozes sensuality. Last night, was my first Burlesque class and we are learning a routine that might be performed in March. At the end of class we separated into two group and performed the routine for each other. (Remember, this was my FIRST class and first time with this routine.) My group was up first and we danced. Then I watched the 2nd group. In both groups, we had a "veteran" classmate help/lead us through the routine. I watched these girls dance, and they did fantastic! One girl in particular just oozed sensuality and I thought, "Wow! I wanna dance like her!" And for a bit, I felt like "Wow! I so do not belong here!"
When that thought hit me, I instantly said to myself. "Do NOT compare yourself to this beautiful woman. This is your FIRST burlesque class and day with this routine; she knows it and has had a chance to play with it. Also, each individual has something special to give this universe. Each person has something unique they can give to an audience. Do NOT judge yourself. Be PROUD of yourself! Look how far you have come!!!!"
Once they were done performing, we took turns giving each other appreciation for our performances. (At this moment, I am so glad that I have been through storytelling class and coaching and learned how to take appreciations.) The lone male in the class, told me that there is a particular spot in the choreography where my hands reach my hips and my hips move in a certain way that is very sexy. That hip movement is not part of the choreography, but it is what feels natural to my body during that part of the music. My body just wants to MOVE; it wants to put its own spin on the choreo. And Frankie (our instructor) encourages us to play with it). In that moment, I felt like "Yes! There is hope!" *laugh*
Of course, I know there is hope. But for a 44 1/2 year old woman who has fought with her body image all of her life, it can be very difficult to look at it and accept it for being sexy and beautiful and amazing. For a woman who has dealt with sexual assault, it can be very difficult to be the kind of person who is comfortable being and acting sexy. Add those two things up, and its the perfect storm to want to hide under baggy clothes, sit on the couch eating bon bons all day and never get in front of an audience (even in a fat suit, much less revealing costumes and being sexy), we just want to hide and not be seen. So, here I am. On this weight loss journey, releasing not just pounds but limiting beliefs. Just last year, I was taking some boudoir photos and I came to the realization that I don't ooze sensuality, and I am more comfortable being the silly sexy girl than the sultry sexy girl. So I know there is hope. I am getting more and more comfortable in my own skin. Belly Dance has really helped with that. And now Burlesque will take it a bit further. I need to give myself permission to let go and love ME and let ME shine through no matter what I am doing. If I can just let ME shine through, then no matter what dance or performance I am doing, it will be perfect!
So on to the numbers of a weight loss journey. I did 2 weigh ins in the last week. One was for the St. Luke's Weight Loss Challenge and the other was for Weight Watchers. Last Saturday, I weighed in for St. Luke's and I weighed in at 194.6. Tuesday I weighed in at Weight Watchers and I weighed in at 197! YIPES! I am not going to focus on those numbers right now. But I will focus on the other numbers which I think are amazing..... My blood pressure was 126/59 which is very good for someone who doesn't do crowds and was put into a crazy busy room with no room to move and standing in line for an hour! And my blood glucose after eating just an hour before hand was 91 which is good considering it is supposed to be under 100 without eating! Before I started this journey I had high blood pressure to the point of the doctors being worried about me and talking about medication. I was also pre-diabetic and should have been on meds. So ya...I'm happy about these numbers!
My goal for this weight loss challenge that ends in June is to be down another 30#.
Since I have been struggling with counting points on Weight Watchers, I have deiced to kick start this part of my journey using the Simple Start plan which uses the Simply Filling foods and does not require counting points unless I eat special treats; then I get 49 weekly points to keep track of. I have been trying new recipes and having fun with food again. That is what I LOVE about this stuff. I really do love to play with new recipes. I have also gotten my daughter back in the kitchen; she cooked her first chicken breasts all on her own for the first time and she did great! I'm drinking lots more water and far fewer diet sodas now. But I did have freakin' chocolate donuts this morning. *sigh* It's okay. It's just a bump in the road and I will not let it stop me from where I am going! I realize the chocolate donuts are a way of me sabotaging all the work I have been doing...this gives me something to work on and get past. It's a good thing.
Anyway....I am really working on living in a judgement free zone. It's time to peel off another layer and let some shit go!!!!!! As the song says, "This girl is on fire!!!!" Onward and Upward!!!
Friday, January 10, 2014
Taking a Running Sabbatical and Taking on New Challenges
Warning: This blog may ramble a bit.
In March 2011, I joined Weight Watchers and I started running. My goal? Stay focused on WW for 52 weeks in hopes of releasing 100# and to run my 2nd marathon (Honolulu Marathon in 2011 for my friends wedding). What have I accomplished since then?
* At one point I had released 65# (But that currently sits at 51.2#)
* I have completed the See Jane Run 1/2 Marathon in 3 1/2 hours (my goal time), Barber to Boise 10K, Honolulu Marathon at over 8 hours, 2 weeks later a Me, Myself and I Marathon in just under 7 hours, Race to Robie Creek 1/2 Marathon in under my goal time, The Lake Lowel Marathon in May of 2012 in just under 6 1/2 hours, 2 weeks later, Famous Potato Marathon in over 7 1/2 hours, 2 weeks later I completed the Sun Valley 1/2 Marathon and 2 weeks after that I completed the See Jane Run 1/2 Marathon in under 3 hours!
* I participated in my very first bicycle group fun ride which was 25 miles.
* In 2013, I rode my bicycle 400 miles in 9 days and I completed my first ultra marathon (The Foot Hills Frezny 50K..32 miles).
* I also became a licensed Zumba instructor but after sustaining a Traumatic Brain Injury, I had a bit of a personality change and decided I could not stand Zumba *laugh*
* I became a belly dancer and this past December had the extreme pleasure of performing my first belly dancing duet with my gorgeous 14 year old daughter.
* I went from a size 22/24 to a size 10/12
* My resting heart rate is under 60 bpm
* My blood pressure went from high and almost needing medication to being normal.
* My cholesterol went from high to normal.
* I went from pre-diabetic to normal blood sugar levels.
When I joined WW, I just wanted to get healthy. In the process, I found this athlete who wants to push to run faster and farther. I found that I wanted to keep pushing myself to do things that I thought were previously impossible. I remember the very first marathon I completed in 2006. I swore I would NEVER do that again! It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced (and that includes childbirth)! WHY would anyone ever want to do that to themselves on purpose? Ride my bike 400 miles on 9 days? That is something I NEVER even dreamed of. As a kid, I rode my bike 10 miles at the most in one day. During that 400 mile ride, I rode my fist century ride...100 miles in one day!
My life has changed for the better, but you can see by my weight gain, that some things are slipping. I have also been experiencing some physical issues that I believe require me to take a step back from all of my running. In making that decision, it also affected my goals for the year. I had BIG goals set. I wanted to complete my first 100 mile run. I wanted to complete the Idaho Trail Ultra Series (4 ultra marathons in the season). I wanted to beat my marathon PR in May...or possibly October. But even running 6 miles makes my body feel like its 80 years old. I did not take care of my body the way I should have while doing all of that running before. Now it's time to listen to my body. I only have this one body to last me the rest of my life, and if I continue to abuse it, the results will not be pretty.
So this week I took a long hard look at what I have done and where I am going. I still need to work on getting to my goal weight. I have adjusted what I think my goal weight should be, and tomorrow when I go for a weigh in for a new challenge I have started, I will talk to them about what they believe should be my goal weight. I also need to talk to my doctor to get a written doctors note. My body seems to stall out at 181# then I gain it back. I need to get more stretching in. I need to strengthen my core and I need to get my knees some more time to heal and strengthen in different ways. I had decided to step back from running and focus on yoga and my belly dancing. Just as I decided that, my belly dance instructor informed us that in April she will be taking a sabbatical from teaching. There was another blow, but I still have till April to figure things out.
Anyway... So after doing lots of thinking. And looking at how I am going to spend my $200 American Express Gift card that was given to me with the idea of spending it on running stuff. I have decided on this plan........
* I am back to my Weight Watcher's meetings....staying accountable.
* I joined the St. Luke's $10,000 Weight Loss Challenge that starts tomorrow 1/11/14 with the staring weigh in with the final weigh in on 6/5/14. There will be extra little incentives and contests during those months.
* My set in stone work out schedule looks like this:
Mon: Hot Yoga
Tues: Endurance Spin Class
Wed: Hot Yoga in the morning followed by Belly Dance in the evening
Thurs: Strength/TRX in the morning and in the evening Burlesque dance class (I might follow up with Aerial Hammock Fitness Level 1 class after Burlesque..we shall see)
Fri: Building Cycling Spin Class
There will likely be other exercises thrown in there during the week at random times..like free weights or small walks. Don't forget about snowboarding with the snow is good :). But I think this is a good balance of strength training, stretching, cardio and the fun stuff. I think if I am going to win the weight loss challenge, I may need to add more stuff to this..like the free weights and extra time at my regular gym, but that is time I will be spending with Tracy in the evenings.
I feel good about this plan right now. Go Epic (the spinning place) has little challenges for us to meet to keep me engaged and having fun (along side the plain torture). I do not have an instant fondness for spinning OR hot yoga, but I look at it like I looked at running when I started. I HATED running and could not figure out WHY people loved it so much; then look at what happened to me. So, I am committed to this new plan.
What do you think? 6 months of this plan should get me 30# lighter I would think which puts me well into the goal weight I was thinking about. And it will certainly get me healthier, stronger and more flexible.... a well rounded athlete! And who knows?! Maybe with all of this spinning, I will finally be able to ride my bike up Bogus Basin Rd all the way to the top!
In March 2011, I joined Weight Watchers and I started running. My goal? Stay focused on WW for 52 weeks in hopes of releasing 100# and to run my 2nd marathon (Honolulu Marathon in 2011 for my friends wedding). What have I accomplished since then?
* At one point I had released 65# (But that currently sits at 51.2#)
* I have completed the See Jane Run 1/2 Marathon in 3 1/2 hours (my goal time), Barber to Boise 10K, Honolulu Marathon at over 8 hours, 2 weeks later a Me, Myself and I Marathon in just under 7 hours, Race to Robie Creek 1/2 Marathon in under my goal time, The Lake Lowel Marathon in May of 2012 in just under 6 1/2 hours, 2 weeks later, Famous Potato Marathon in over 7 1/2 hours, 2 weeks later I completed the Sun Valley 1/2 Marathon and 2 weeks after that I completed the See Jane Run 1/2 Marathon in under 3 hours!
* I participated in my very first bicycle group fun ride which was 25 miles.
* In 2013, I rode my bicycle 400 miles in 9 days and I completed my first ultra marathon (The Foot Hills Frezny 50K..32 miles).
* I also became a licensed Zumba instructor but after sustaining a Traumatic Brain Injury, I had a bit of a personality change and decided I could not stand Zumba *laugh*
* I became a belly dancer and this past December had the extreme pleasure of performing my first belly dancing duet with my gorgeous 14 year old daughter.
* I went from a size 22/24 to a size 10/12
* My resting heart rate is under 60 bpm
* My blood pressure went from high and almost needing medication to being normal.
* My cholesterol went from high to normal.
* I went from pre-diabetic to normal blood sugar levels.
When I joined WW, I just wanted to get healthy. In the process, I found this athlete who wants to push to run faster and farther. I found that I wanted to keep pushing myself to do things that I thought were previously impossible. I remember the very first marathon I completed in 2006. I swore I would NEVER do that again! It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced (and that includes childbirth)! WHY would anyone ever want to do that to themselves on purpose? Ride my bike 400 miles on 9 days? That is something I NEVER even dreamed of. As a kid, I rode my bike 10 miles at the most in one day. During that 400 mile ride, I rode my fist century ride...100 miles in one day!
My life has changed for the better, but you can see by my weight gain, that some things are slipping. I have also been experiencing some physical issues that I believe require me to take a step back from all of my running. In making that decision, it also affected my goals for the year. I had BIG goals set. I wanted to complete my first 100 mile run. I wanted to complete the Idaho Trail Ultra Series (4 ultra marathons in the season). I wanted to beat my marathon PR in May...or possibly October. But even running 6 miles makes my body feel like its 80 years old. I did not take care of my body the way I should have while doing all of that running before. Now it's time to listen to my body. I only have this one body to last me the rest of my life, and if I continue to abuse it, the results will not be pretty.
So this week I took a long hard look at what I have done and where I am going. I still need to work on getting to my goal weight. I have adjusted what I think my goal weight should be, and tomorrow when I go for a weigh in for a new challenge I have started, I will talk to them about what they believe should be my goal weight. I also need to talk to my doctor to get a written doctors note. My body seems to stall out at 181# then I gain it back. I need to get more stretching in. I need to strengthen my core and I need to get my knees some more time to heal and strengthen in different ways. I had decided to step back from running and focus on yoga and my belly dancing. Just as I decided that, my belly dance instructor informed us that in April she will be taking a sabbatical from teaching. There was another blow, but I still have till April to figure things out.
Anyway... So after doing lots of thinking. And looking at how I am going to spend my $200 American Express Gift card that was given to me with the idea of spending it on running stuff. I have decided on this plan........
* I am back to my Weight Watcher's meetings....staying accountable.
* I joined the St. Luke's $10,000 Weight Loss Challenge that starts tomorrow 1/11/14 with the staring weigh in with the final weigh in on 6/5/14. There will be extra little incentives and contests during those months.
* My set in stone work out schedule looks like this:
Mon: Hot Yoga
Tues: Endurance Spin Class
Wed: Hot Yoga in the morning followed by Belly Dance in the evening
Thurs: Strength/TRX in the morning and in the evening Burlesque dance class (I might follow up with Aerial Hammock Fitness Level 1 class after Burlesque..we shall see)
Fri: Building Cycling Spin Class
There will likely be other exercises thrown in there during the week at random times..like free weights or small walks. Don't forget about snowboarding with the snow is good :). But I think this is a good balance of strength training, stretching, cardio and the fun stuff. I think if I am going to win the weight loss challenge, I may need to add more stuff to this..like the free weights and extra time at my regular gym, but that is time I will be spending with Tracy in the evenings.
I feel good about this plan right now. Go Epic (the spinning place) has little challenges for us to meet to keep me engaged and having fun (along side the plain torture). I do not have an instant fondness for spinning OR hot yoga, but I look at it like I looked at running when I started. I HATED running and could not figure out WHY people loved it so much; then look at what happened to me. So, I am committed to this new plan.
What do you think? 6 months of this plan should get me 30# lighter I would think which puts me well into the goal weight I was thinking about. And it will certainly get me healthier, stronger and more flexible.... a well rounded athlete! And who knows?! Maybe with all of this spinning, I will finally be able to ride my bike up Bogus Basin Rd all the way to the top!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
When You See That Time Frame Window Closing Around You......
12 more weeks until the Pickled Feet 6/12/24/48 Hour Run where I had hoped to do 100 miles in 48 hours.
My training for this started out AMAZING! Then I got bronchitis. Then on top of bronchitis some deeply personal and emotional stuff happened and I felt myself bogged down by emotions. I started emotionally eating and stuffing my face with foods that are seriously not good for me (like worse than usual). Then we had to let go of our fur baby and that took everything out of me. It has been such an emotional 2 months. I can't even begin to explain what has been going on. I tried to start training again, but things just kept getting in the way (or I let them, anyway). Emotionally, I couldn't even get up off the couch. I have not been this depressed and miserable in YEARS. It has been a serious battle.
New Years Day, my back decided it wanted to go out. To be fair, it has been threatening to for MONTHS. As a matter of fact, it was hurting and threatening to go out way back when I was training for the Foothills Frenzy 50K. I also pulled my left hamstring when I was training for that race. I didn't seek treatment for either of these things. Thanks to my TBI, I had used up all of my Physical Therapy appointments, and I did not relish the idea of paying out of pocket for these things. I could have. I just didn't want to. That was my biggest mistake. So on January 2nd, I went to the Chiro. I still had to pay out of pocket (until my deductible is met *sigh*). He got my back to move, but the muscles were still tense. So I decided to give it a few more days...till this Monday (yesterday).
Yesterday, I laced up my running shoes and decided to do 6 miles of WALKING. I knew running would be pushing it, but I needed to get back to training. As soon as I started walking fast, I felt my hamstring. But I kept moving. My back was feeling fine. But my left hamstring and my left knee (the one I had surgery on back in 2012 and fell on again back in 2013) was starting to speak to me. Really? The last half mile of my walk, I had to stop and pick up Max's remains from the vet. I carried that little box the rest of the way home. Not being able to use that arm to swing and keep my body balanced cause my back to hurt. Joy.
By last night, my back was hurting again and my neck was hurting so badly that my head was killing me. My head hurt so bad and my face felt flush, I thought I was getting sick. I literally stayed on the couch all night all bundled up hoping I wasn't getting sick.
This morning, I got up with my back hurting again (or still) and now my left hip hurts when I put pressure on my left leg. It feels like my left hip is out. *sigh* I have to take a serious look at my training. I have 12 weeks until this run, and with my body feeling the way it is right now, I do not see me getting my miles in this week. So that will be 11 weeks (IF my body cooperates next week). I really wanted to do 100 miles at that run in March. I have 48 hours to do it in. Do I think it is still possible to do 100 miles in 48 hours? Yes. Do I think it will hurt? HELL YES! Do I think it is worth it? Of that, I do not know. I do know that I do not want to injure myself...either in training for this race or in the race itself.
I find myself seriously questioning my goals and my method of doing things. I LOVE to run. I LOVE to run the hills. But this is January in Idaho. We still have ice on the sidewalks around my house. (I even slipped yesterday and about fell.) The trails have ice or mud. My friend just fell on one of my favorite run and landed on her back; if that had been me, I would have landed on my head. I am terrified of bonking my head again. The reality is, I NEED to exercise to stay healthy. Exercising keeps me motivated to eat properly. Not exercising makes me feel like a slug and I eat like crap and I gain 10# (which I have done this time around...right after I just lost it too!)
I look at the way my body feels after all of the training I did for my race back in October. My body hurt. I didn't take good care of it. I didn't get massages. I didn't go to the chiro. And it hurt. And even training for this run coming up, my body feels like it has been hit by a mack truck. Is it time to put running aside and focus on another form of exercise? But what about my goals and dreams to do 100 miles, to be a finisher of the Idaho Trail Ultra Series in 2014? How do I balance training for these races AND doing other forms of exercise to keep my body healthy (like yoga and cycling). How do I train for races in the winter/icy conditions without risk of falling and banging my head (besides wearing a helmet when I run). And what about my knee that hurts when I run..or even walk.
Is it time to put running aside and give myself a new challenge? Every year, it seems I have a new goal or a new challenge to follow through with. Is this current back issue a sign from my body? Is my body telling me to do something else for a change? What if I focused on yoga and dancing for the next year and only ran once a week once the weather gets better? What if I focused on yoga and dancing and decided to only do ONE race this year instead of the 5 or 6 I was looking at? Yoga would help not just my body but my mind and soul as well and would help my body in other ways that running just doesn't help with.
I'm really not sure what to do at this point. But for right now... I am going back to my weight watchers meetings and getting a massage this afternoon. I need to get my body feeling better before I can even consider anything else.
If any of you have any clarity on the subject, I would love to hear it :). Thanks!
My training for this started out AMAZING! Then I got bronchitis. Then on top of bronchitis some deeply personal and emotional stuff happened and I felt myself bogged down by emotions. I started emotionally eating and stuffing my face with foods that are seriously not good for me (like worse than usual). Then we had to let go of our fur baby and that took everything out of me. It has been such an emotional 2 months. I can't even begin to explain what has been going on. I tried to start training again, but things just kept getting in the way (or I let them, anyway). Emotionally, I couldn't even get up off the couch. I have not been this depressed and miserable in YEARS. It has been a serious battle.
New Years Day, my back decided it wanted to go out. To be fair, it has been threatening to for MONTHS. As a matter of fact, it was hurting and threatening to go out way back when I was training for the Foothills Frenzy 50K. I also pulled my left hamstring when I was training for that race. I didn't seek treatment for either of these things. Thanks to my TBI, I had used up all of my Physical Therapy appointments, and I did not relish the idea of paying out of pocket for these things. I could have. I just didn't want to. That was my biggest mistake. So on January 2nd, I went to the Chiro. I still had to pay out of pocket (until my deductible is met *sigh*). He got my back to move, but the muscles were still tense. So I decided to give it a few more days...till this Monday (yesterday).
Yesterday, I laced up my running shoes and decided to do 6 miles of WALKING. I knew running would be pushing it, but I needed to get back to training. As soon as I started walking fast, I felt my hamstring. But I kept moving. My back was feeling fine. But my left hamstring and my left knee (the one I had surgery on back in 2012 and fell on again back in 2013) was starting to speak to me. Really? The last half mile of my walk, I had to stop and pick up Max's remains from the vet. I carried that little box the rest of the way home. Not being able to use that arm to swing and keep my body balanced cause my back to hurt. Joy.
By last night, my back was hurting again and my neck was hurting so badly that my head was killing me. My head hurt so bad and my face felt flush, I thought I was getting sick. I literally stayed on the couch all night all bundled up hoping I wasn't getting sick.
This morning, I got up with my back hurting again (or still) and now my left hip hurts when I put pressure on my left leg. It feels like my left hip is out. *sigh* I have to take a serious look at my training. I have 12 weeks until this run, and with my body feeling the way it is right now, I do not see me getting my miles in this week. So that will be 11 weeks (IF my body cooperates next week). I really wanted to do 100 miles at that run in March. I have 48 hours to do it in. Do I think it is still possible to do 100 miles in 48 hours? Yes. Do I think it will hurt? HELL YES! Do I think it is worth it? Of that, I do not know. I do know that I do not want to injure myself...either in training for this race or in the race itself.
I find myself seriously questioning my goals and my method of doing things. I LOVE to run. I LOVE to run the hills. But this is January in Idaho. We still have ice on the sidewalks around my house. (I even slipped yesterday and about fell.) The trails have ice or mud. My friend just fell on one of my favorite run and landed on her back; if that had been me, I would have landed on my head. I am terrified of bonking my head again. The reality is, I NEED to exercise to stay healthy. Exercising keeps me motivated to eat properly. Not exercising makes me feel like a slug and I eat like crap and I gain 10# (which I have done this time around...right after I just lost it too!)
I look at the way my body feels after all of the training I did for my race back in October. My body hurt. I didn't take good care of it. I didn't get massages. I didn't go to the chiro. And it hurt. And even training for this run coming up, my body feels like it has been hit by a mack truck. Is it time to put running aside and focus on another form of exercise? But what about my goals and dreams to do 100 miles, to be a finisher of the Idaho Trail Ultra Series in 2014? How do I balance training for these races AND doing other forms of exercise to keep my body healthy (like yoga and cycling). How do I train for races in the winter/icy conditions without risk of falling and banging my head (besides wearing a helmet when I run). And what about my knee that hurts when I run..or even walk.
Is it time to put running aside and give myself a new challenge? Every year, it seems I have a new goal or a new challenge to follow through with. Is this current back issue a sign from my body? Is my body telling me to do something else for a change? What if I focused on yoga and dancing for the next year and only ran once a week once the weather gets better? What if I focused on yoga and dancing and decided to only do ONE race this year instead of the 5 or 6 I was looking at? Yoga would help not just my body but my mind and soul as well and would help my body in other ways that running just doesn't help with.
I'm really not sure what to do at this point. But for right now... I am going back to my weight watchers meetings and getting a massage this afternoon. I need to get my body feeling better before I can even consider anything else.
If any of you have any clarity on the subject, I would love to hear it :). Thanks!
Friday, January 3, 2014
On Empathy and Relationships....
Grab a cup of coffee, sit down, buckle up, and hang on...this might be a long and bumpy ride through my thoughts......
Relationships on all levels fascinate me. None of us (even the staunchest of hermits) can go through this life without having some kind of relationship with someone (even if it was just your parents as you grew up). The relationships we have with people shape how we think and how we act. The relationships we had with our parents will shape the relationships we have with our significant others and (if we choose to have them) our own children. That is very basic. But it can get even more complicated than that. Some will say their relationship with a greater power affects their relationship with people on this plane. Some will say that their relationship with past lovers will affect relationships in the present and well as the future. Our relationships with our friends will affect relationships with other friends. Let's face it, no matter what we do, we create a ripple affect in the lives around us. We do not live on an island. We just don't. And even if we did, what we did on that island will eventually affect some one else on the other side of the pond that surrounds that island (even if you don't have a relationship with people, you have a relationship with this universe that we live in..with this planet..and no matter what we do, it will affect someone else). Yes, that is a very deep thought for a Friday. I realize that.
Anyway, I have been reading a book about relationships. I came across a new term.... "The Platinum Rule".
As children, when it comes to relationships, we are told to live by "The Golden Rule". "Do unto others as you would have them to unto you." When I was a kid, I was told this was found in the Bible and was a Christian belief. This is true. But it is also found in most of the world religions. It is not a RELIGIOUS belief, as much as it is a MORAL belief. While doing some research on this, I also found that this is the "positive form" and that there is a "Silver Rule" that states the "negative form": "One should not treat others in ways one would not like to be treated." (Thank you, Wikipedia). The thing is, as children (and even adults) we never realized that this rule we have been living by all of our lives is a pretty self-centered rule. Treating people how WE want to be treated. What if that person does't want to be treated in the same way you want to be treated? Yes, the general thought is, "You don't want to be treated badly, so don't treat them badly." But, even still, its about how YOU want to be treated. What if you treat yourself poorly? Are you going to treat someone else any differently?
There is actual marriage relationship advice out there that states something like this, "If you want your spouse to give you flowers, then you should in turn give them flowers. Then they will see this is what you want and how YOU give/receive love and they will act accordingly." (Meaning, give your spouse what YOU want, and they will in turn give it back to you.) Actually, this is a piece of advice that my mother in law gave me while I was still dating her son (way back when we were teenagers). She got this advice from some relationship/marriage book. And I have even read it in various places through out my marriage. This little gem has been passed around for decades! I have news for you, this does NOT work! My husband could care LESS about flowers! When I give him flowers, he is confused and he certainly wouldn't pick up on a passive aggressive hint like that. *laugh* Here is the problem with this piece of advise: it is selfish and doomed for failure. What if your spouse doesn't pick up on the hint? Then what? You are even more destroyed than you were to begin with. Chances are, like my husband, your spouse does not appreciate flowers the way you do. So it's a failure on 2 ends! YIPES! Truthfully, I have been married 25 years (we have been together 30), and this advise doesn't work!
Here is another way of looking at this. Since Christmas just passed, let's take a look at our gift giving practices at Christmas. Most of us can agree that while shopping for Christmas presents, we spend a great deal of time thinking about what the receiver of our gift would like to have. "What would make them happy?" We don't think, "What would make ME happy?" We buy them gifts that we think they would like. We might even ask them for a list of things they might like. And we shop accordingly. Correct? How ridiculous would it be for us to go out and buy them what WE want and give it to THEM? I can assure you that I would be over the moon if my husband paid for my race registrations for my ultra marathons as a Christmas gift. But he would be baffled, confused, and probably a little miffed if I bought him registration to these races for him cause he doesn't even run, and he thinks I'm nuts to do it myself! See what I'm getting at?
That is the basis of "The Platinum Rule". This rule was coined and described by Dr. Tony Alessandra. (His rule and thoughts were created in terms of business relationships, but are also very useful for personal/romantic relationships.) You can find his website on this subject here: The Platinum Rule. Basically it states, "Treat others the way they want to be treated." Instead of acting from a place of thinking about what *I* want and think, it shifts to understanding what *others* want. This is an act of compassion rather than selfishness.
If you are anything like me, you might be thinking, "But what if what the other person wants is harmful?" The same could be said for our own thoughts? If if what WE wanted was harmful? We need to use some commonsense here. We also need to get out of our own way. Who are we to judge what someone else wants? (As long as it's not something blatantly harmful.) When we act from a place of love for someone else, then we are only making things better. This is certainly a thought process worth playing with and exploring. Dr. Allesandra's website is a great read; I suggest you go to it and read further about this rule. I know I have enjoyed looking at my own life and my own relationships through these lenses. It has been eye opening and quite a challenge to my old thought patterns.
Here's to better, stronger relationships in 2014!!!!
Relationships on all levels fascinate me. None of us (even the staunchest of hermits) can go through this life without having some kind of relationship with someone (even if it was just your parents as you grew up). The relationships we have with people shape how we think and how we act. The relationships we had with our parents will shape the relationships we have with our significant others and (if we choose to have them) our own children. That is very basic. But it can get even more complicated than that. Some will say their relationship with a greater power affects their relationship with people on this plane. Some will say that their relationship with past lovers will affect relationships in the present and well as the future. Our relationships with our friends will affect relationships with other friends. Let's face it, no matter what we do, we create a ripple affect in the lives around us. We do not live on an island. We just don't. And even if we did, what we did on that island will eventually affect some one else on the other side of the pond that surrounds that island (even if you don't have a relationship with people, you have a relationship with this universe that we live in..with this planet..and no matter what we do, it will affect someone else). Yes, that is a very deep thought for a Friday. I realize that.
Anyway, I have been reading a book about relationships. I came across a new term.... "The Platinum Rule".
As children, when it comes to relationships, we are told to live by "The Golden Rule". "Do unto others as you would have them to unto you." When I was a kid, I was told this was found in the Bible and was a Christian belief. This is true. But it is also found in most of the world religions. It is not a RELIGIOUS belief, as much as it is a MORAL belief. While doing some research on this, I also found that this is the "positive form" and that there is a "Silver Rule" that states the "negative form": "One should not treat others in ways one would not like to be treated." (Thank you, Wikipedia). The thing is, as children (and even adults) we never realized that this rule we have been living by all of our lives is a pretty self-centered rule. Treating people how WE want to be treated. What if that person does't want to be treated in the same way you want to be treated? Yes, the general thought is, "You don't want to be treated badly, so don't treat them badly." But, even still, its about how YOU want to be treated. What if you treat yourself poorly? Are you going to treat someone else any differently?
There is actual marriage relationship advice out there that states something like this, "If you want your spouse to give you flowers, then you should in turn give them flowers. Then they will see this is what you want and how YOU give/receive love and they will act accordingly." (Meaning, give your spouse what YOU want, and they will in turn give it back to you.) Actually, this is a piece of advice that my mother in law gave me while I was still dating her son (way back when we were teenagers). She got this advice from some relationship/marriage book. And I have even read it in various places through out my marriage. This little gem has been passed around for decades! I have news for you, this does NOT work! My husband could care LESS about flowers! When I give him flowers, he is confused and he certainly wouldn't pick up on a passive aggressive hint like that. *laugh* Here is the problem with this piece of advise: it is selfish and doomed for failure. What if your spouse doesn't pick up on the hint? Then what? You are even more destroyed than you were to begin with. Chances are, like my husband, your spouse does not appreciate flowers the way you do. So it's a failure on 2 ends! YIPES! Truthfully, I have been married 25 years (we have been together 30), and this advise doesn't work!
Here is another way of looking at this. Since Christmas just passed, let's take a look at our gift giving practices at Christmas. Most of us can agree that while shopping for Christmas presents, we spend a great deal of time thinking about what the receiver of our gift would like to have. "What would make them happy?" We don't think, "What would make ME happy?" We buy them gifts that we think they would like. We might even ask them for a list of things they might like. And we shop accordingly. Correct? How ridiculous would it be for us to go out and buy them what WE want and give it to THEM? I can assure you that I would be over the moon if my husband paid for my race registrations for my ultra marathons as a Christmas gift. But he would be baffled, confused, and probably a little miffed if I bought him registration to these races for him cause he doesn't even run, and he thinks I'm nuts to do it myself! See what I'm getting at?
That is the basis of "The Platinum Rule". This rule was coined and described by Dr. Tony Alessandra. (His rule and thoughts were created in terms of business relationships, but are also very useful for personal/romantic relationships.) You can find his website on this subject here: The Platinum Rule. Basically it states, "Treat others the way they want to be treated." Instead of acting from a place of thinking about what *I* want and think, it shifts to understanding what *others* want. This is an act of compassion rather than selfishness.
If you are anything like me, you might be thinking, "But what if what the other person wants is harmful?" The same could be said for our own thoughts? If if what WE wanted was harmful? We need to use some commonsense here. We also need to get out of our own way. Who are we to judge what someone else wants? (As long as it's not something blatantly harmful.) When we act from a place of love for someone else, then we are only making things better. This is certainly a thought process worth playing with and exploring. Dr. Allesandra's website is a great read; I suggest you go to it and read further about this rule. I know I have enjoyed looking at my own life and my own relationships through these lenses. It has been eye opening and quite a challenge to my old thought patterns.
Here's to better, stronger relationships in 2014!!!!
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