The saga of the painful left knee continues, and today's episode is filled with a sobering reality as well as pride and hope.
I have had three knee surgeries on my left knee. The first one was in 2000 after a skiing accident dislocated it. The surgeon did a scope to clean out some cartilage damage, but nothing major was wrong with it. It healed up quickly and life was good. In 2008, I had the brilliant idea to go roller skating for the first time in something like 9 years. I was doing great until a kid cut me off, took me out, and I landed HARD directly on my patella. Then a few weeks later, I started roller derby. The pain in my knee became unbearable. I did some physical therapy, but it never really got better. I ended up quitting roller derby because the pain was too much and I didn't want to destroy my knee. In 2011, I decided I would lose weight and pick up running. I ran and ran and ran until finally it hurt my knee too badly to run. With another round of physical therapy under my belt, we decided to have a second knee surgery. This time the surgeon did a lateral tendon release and cleaned up some scar tissue again. I recovered and went back to running. I was able to complete my first ultra marathon and start training for another one before my back became injured and required a second back surgery (first one was in 2006). After my fifth concussion (due to a cycling accident) in 2013 and my second back surgery in 2014, I said goodbye to running. However, on New Year's Eve of 2015, my knee decided to act up again. I wasn't doing anything. Quite literally, I was doing NOTHING. I was in a car on a road trip to Seattle for the holiday. I got out of the car, and my knee was in excruciating pain. After months of pain, another round of physical therapy, steroid shots and joint juice shots, we went back into surgery. More scoping of scar tissue, cleaning out arthritis, and repairing a meniscus. But that still didn't take care of the pain. So here we are, 4 months after my last knee surgery, my fourth knee surgery is scheduled for October 17th. It will be a "knee replacement" or as my doctor calls is a "knee resurfacing". I have been totally excited about this surgery and the thought of not being in pain anymore. Then I went to my pre-surgery physical therapy appointment. And that excitement kind of changed. I am now feeling a kind of "respect" for what is to come.
Before I go into the change from excitement to respect, let me tell you about my PT appointment.
I had an appointment with a new physical therapist. As you can imagine, with 3 knee surgeries, a TBI, and 2 back surgeries, I have had my share of physical therapists. Today's PT was amazing. I really liked the guy! I explained to him that I have been going back to the gym and working with a personal trainer. He asked me what I have been doing with the trainer, and he was not very thrilled. Doug, my PT told me that some of the exercises I have been doing, while good for a healthy knee, are NOT good for my knee in my current situation. It won't make my knee worse, but it will make my recovery much more difficult. He gave me some new exercises to do. He made adjustments to the ones my trainer has given me and I am totally excited to do these in the gym. They don't hurt to do them and I can feel my muscles getting stronger. As I worked with him, I could see him finding humor in my situation. Maybe it wasn't him finding humor; maybe it was me.
Let's face it. I'm 47 years old. I have had 2 back surgeries, 3 knee surgeries and 5 concussions that have resulted in major TBI issues. I have gone from couch potato and seasonal skier and or snowboarder with the occasional softball team or volleyball team and a short stint in roller derby to an ultra marathon runner, endurance cyclist, and dancer. And now I am looking at a knee replacement. I was in a PT office that, for the most part, was filled with elderly patients. I felt as though I was the youngest person in the world to have a knee replacement. While I know that is not true, that is what it felt like. And quite honestly, I find it a bit humorous. When I talked to Doug about my adventures in sports, I saw the light in his eyes. I saw the amazement. I don't look like your typical athlete. Nor do I look like your typical dancer. But, none the less, I am these things and my body has paid the price. Doug just looked at me and said, you are strong, and I have no doubt you will recover quickly. That alone made me feel so much better!
I really do feel like a "bumbling athlete"....rolled ankles, TBI, knee surgeries, back surgeries.....seriously. But it's all good. Why? Cause I am an athlete. I am a dancer. I live my life to the fullest, and it sure beats sitting on the couch and watching life pass me by!
Oh ya.. back to the change in feelings about my surgery. I was excited to finally have this surgery and stop being in pain. I was excited about being able to get back to the things I love. Then I met with Doug AND I spoke to the hospital where I will be having my surgery. First Doug tells me that I will have a full leg brace when I come out of surgery and I will be using a cane or a walker. He said that I will need to learn how to roll out of bed (but I already know how to do that thanks to all of my other surgeries). He told me how I will have to sleep to avoid extraordinary pain. It was sobering. Then I came home and spoke to the hospital. Apparently I have to go to a class about my knee replacement where I will learn how to move correctly in order to not injure myself after surgery and to recover faster. I have to go to a class? It all began to sink in. The excitement I had been feeling started to dissipate and in its place respect or reverence for what this surgery really is. It is going to hurt like hell. Recovering, while I am strong and hungry for a healthy knee, is going to hurt like hell. In ALL of my surgeries (3 c-sections, 3 knees, 2 back, 1 hysterectomy, and even in my TBI) I have been hell bent on the quickest recoveries. I have been hell bent on "return to sport" as quickly as possible. I have been hell bent on getting up and being back to normal as quickly as possible. But this surgery is the biggest surgery I have ever had. The scar will be bigger than any I have. The pain will likely be more than I have ever experienced. And it is vital that I start exercising my knee as soon as I wake up and move to my own room that I start moving my leg and start my physical therapy exercises. The results of not doing these things is very sobering. My PT is positive that I have what it takes to recovery quickly and completely. He says I am strong and ready. He insisted that I work hard (and smart) for the next 4 weeks to make sure I am strong so I can recover quickly. So there is hope.
I am optimistically sober and I am totally ready to have this surgery!
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