So the last month or so has been a huge growth experience on so many levels. Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I had an "ah-ha moment". It went something like this........
As a childhood sexual abuse survivor all I wanted to do was become invisible to my predators and be seen by everyone else out there. I could not tell anyone what happened to be because I was being threatened with more violence. But if I could just be seen, then maybe someone would see I needed help. So what was the logical answer to get both results?
I ate. I ate to get fat. If I got fat, then my predators wouldn't want me (making me invisible to them) and I will also be seen, because who can miss a fat person walking around? They would see me being fat and see I was struggling with something and try to help me.
The thing is, I didn't need other people to see me. I needed ME to see me. I needed ME to see that I am beautiful, worthy, strong, independent, fierce, and a force to be reckoned with. The minute I began to see me for who I was, the switch flipped and I was able to start taking care of myself physically. I was able to drop diet cokes and carbs without any struggle whatsoever. The minute I saw myself in the mirror and felt love for every inch of my naked body and appreciated my body and my SELF for who and what I am, the pounds and inches started dropping.
It's been a week since I started the ketogenic diet and started drinking Pruvit's Keto OS. I am down 5# and 9 1/4" (measured from various places on my body). I started this way of eating in order to decrease the inflammation in my body and to help my brain heal. The weight and inches loss are nice bonuses.
There are great things happening in my life. They don't come without tears and struggle, but I am so grateful for this opportunity to grow and heal. It is making every part of my life so much better!
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