Okay, this might not be a secret to some, but it certainly has never been said publicly! And before, you read any further, this blog post could be considered one of an adult nature (nothing graphic, and nothing I would not share with my kids, but well...just giving you a heads up..cause that's just the caring writer that I am.)
So here's my "big secret". I have a strong desire to be a burlesque performer. Please realize, I did not say, stripper at the local topless/bikini/nude bar (not that there is anything wrong with that, but there are people who do not understand the difference). I said BURLESQUE!!!!
Just in case you need a definition of what burlesque is (I run into quite a few people who have no clue what it is), here is your definition thanks to dictionary.com:
bur-lesque [ber-
lesk]
noun, adjective, verb, bur-lesqued, bur-lesquing.
noun
1. an artistic composition, especially literary or dramatic, that, for the sake of laughter, vulgarizes lofty material or treats ordinary material with mock dignity.
2. any ludicrous parody or grotesque caricature.
3. Also,
bur-lesk. a humorous and provocative stage show featuring slapstick humor, comic skits, bawdy songs, striptease acts, and a scantily clad female chorus.
adjective
4. involving ludicrous or mocking treatment of a solemn subject.
5. of, pertaining to, or like stage-show burlesque.
The traditional art of Burlesque is quite beautiful and amazing. Yes, there is stripping (*often*) but it is not for the sheer purpose of someones sexual gratification and there are not actual nipples shown. Yes, there are people who will look at the performers as sexual beings and some may even objectify the performers. But that is not what the performance is about. Some of the performances don't even have stripping in them; they are strictly singing and sexy without stripping; or they can be complete comedy acts. This is a performance art.. plain and simple. Beyond the performance art, there is something else so special about it.
So I am writing from my perspective, and my perspective only, and I am explaining the reason I am drawn to this art form. My reasoning is much like that of belly dancing, only maybe taken a little bit further. As a little girl I was always drawn to the belly dancers. My mom told me I couldn't watch it cause it was too sexual. But the art of belly dancing was never created and intended to be a sexual dance. It was created for sisters to dance and celebrate each other (not to entice or seduce men). But as the ages came and went, the art did become sexualized. When I dance with my daughter and the rest of our sisters, we dance to celebrate the divine feminine in all of us. We dance to celebrate our unique bodies and capabilities. We dance to celebrate life and beauty in all of its forms. We celebrate each woman's body as beautiful..in every shape and size. Women are celebrated. Plain and simple. It is an empowering art form for women. That is the way I look at burlesque, only taken up a notch.
To me, Burlesque is about celebrating my body, gifts and talents. I have spent so much of my life being ashamed of my body. I have always had curves. I have never been traditionally skinny. Even at 12 years old, I was wearing a size 13 with measurements of 36/24/36. I used to brag about that. I had the perfect hour glass figure! I was bigger than my friends and I felt fat, but those measurements kind of kept me sane and helped me hold together what little self-esteem I had. I have gone from that size to wearing size 24 clothing and now back down to a size 10/12. My measurements are bigger than what they were when I was 13 years old. *laugh* Not by much. I haven't taken them in a while, but rest assured I have curves. More importantly, I have worked hard for the body that I have now. Belly dancing has helped me really come to LOVE my body and all of its curves. And I LOVE to dance! I also love to flirt. I love to perform. I love to tease. These are things I have always loved. I love the full expression of life..which includes celebrating this body that I was given. It also includes being a sexual being and embracing and celebrating that in healthy ways.
I have learned a great deal about myself in the last couple of years. I have learned that my kind of sexy is not the slinky sultry seductress...its quirky and silly! I am good with that.
To be totally honest, before I bonked my head, there was an open audition for a new burlesque troupe in town and I was choreographing something for it. Then I bonked my head. *sigh* I also wonder what my niche would be in this beautiful artistic community. What could I provide that others may not be providing? I would love to be able to sing. (I think I need some voice lessons first.) I know I can dance, but there is already an amazing belly dancer who performs out in the burlesque world.....though what I do and what she does are completely different. I wonder if I could morph my belly dancing into something silly and quirky to fit into the burlesque world...then I wonder if by doing that if I will hurt the image/purity of belly dancing. I have often considered doing something on roller skates...since I love to dance on my roller skates and NO ONE in this burlesque community is doing that. *laugh* Then I wonder if there is a way to do my storytelling in the burlesque world.
Here is what I DO know...This is my dream and desire. And as much as I *thought* it was my dream, last Sunday night while we were at a burlesque show, I realized just how much I truly wanted this. Frankly Frankie (the hostess), had the audience stand up and "wiggle". Little did we know that they were going to pick "wigglers" from the audience to come up on stage. And little did those "wigglers" know that they would be in a "wiggle contest". Well we were sitting right up front center stage. I started to wiggle/dance. I was wearing a deep v-neck cardigan with a cami-bra under neath. The bra was showing like any cami would and unless you knew it was a bra, you would have no clue. That is what this bra was created for. To be shown under neath something that was deep cut. It was "modest" in the sense that cleavage was showing, but not a whole heck of alot. It was certainly more modest than some of the belly dance costumes we wear. *laugh* Anyway, as we were doing this wiggle, I undid my sweater. It just seemed like the natural thing to do and I danced. I wasn't thinking about it. I just did it. And the next thing I knew, I was being called up on stage. I'm not afraid of being up on stage or the spot light. So up I went. Then I was joined by several others. We still had no clue what was happening other than we were up there.
These two pictures below show the actual top and cami-bra I was wearing that night....though these are old pictures and from a different date night.
This picture was taken that night of the show as we waited for it to start.
Then we were told we were in a "wiggle contest". (Basically it was a dance contest..whoever got the most cheers wins.) I didn't care. I was just having fun. The first woman up was wearing this tight black slinky dress. She was drop dead gorgeous with a slammin' body. Then there were some men who went up. Then some other women (my age or a bit older) who went; they went all out and danced their tushies off. It was so much fun to see! Then it was my turn. And the belly dance diva in me came out. I did my diva walk to front center stage and started dancing. Now its important to know the song that was playing....."I'm sexy and I know it". If any of you know me.. you KNOW how much I LOVE that song! It was my favorite training song while I was training for the Honolulu Marathon. So there I was up front, center stage, with my sweater still undone...cami-bra ON and my jeans. I was up there shimmying and dancing. People were watching me. People were hooping and hollering. There were people I knew out in the audience (besides my husband and our friend that came with us). One of my old Bogus Basin supervisors was in the audience at some point that night....at least in the beginning he was. I didn't care. I just danced. And then I found myself taking my sweater off. Cami bra stayed firmly in place. But I danced like no one was watching..even though there were at least 100 people watching. *laugh* Frankie was doing her thing, introducing me and saying whatever it is she was saying. I wasn't really listening. My time was up and I went back to my place in line. It was so much fun!
Then it came time to "vote". Juniper Rose (one of the other amazing performers) stood behind each of us as the audience voted by cheers and claps. First was the lady in the black dress. She was gorgeous. Certainly she would win. The audience cheered loudly. Then the men, who always get a good response cause they are such great sports. Then the two other women who went just before me. The audience cheered...*I* cheered. I was genuinely so happy to be up on this stage with such brave and fun people who wanted nothing more than to celebrate the life they have been given....who didn't want to take life so damned seriously...and just wanted to smile and have fun. Then Juniper Rose came to me. She placed her hand over my head. Frankly Frankie said something, but all I heard was the roar of the crowd and the applause (Insert Lady Gaga's song "Applause" here). I was declared the winner. ME???!!!!! ME!!!!!!! A woman with curves. A woman who's stomach was bare to these 100 people. A woman with stretch marks and cellulite. A woman with extra skin from weight loss from being morbidly obese. A woman who celebrates her life and her body and completely owns it and is present in it..or at least I was in that moment up there on stage. It was right. It was beautiful. It was one of the most empowering moments of my life! And it was a confirmation.....this is what I want.
I am a performer. I have always been a performer. It is where I am comfortable. And I love learning this about myself. Now where to go from here????? Ya, I don't know. I am still going to belly dance. And in the beginning of the year, I will begin taking burlesque classes with Frankly Frankie. And we will go from there!
LOL. I love my life! I love that there are so many facets and things about me that make me who I am. I love that I can run through the hills and get dirty and sweaty and grimy and then come home and get cleaned up and get sparkly and pretty to dance for an audience or get dressed up in regular street clothes to tell stories to a packed room. I love my deep side that loves old English writers and spiritual teachings. I love my silly side that plays tag with my dog or dances around the room with him. I love the nerd side of me that likes super hero movies. I love the mom side of me that loves to hang out with her kids, play games, cooking, doing arts and crafts, snowboarding and just being a mom. I love the wife side of me who loves to spend time with her best friend and lover doing silly things or romantic things or just nothing at all. It's all of these things that make me who I am and I love who I am :).
