Today I was talking with my therapist about this negative self-talk that I seem to have let into my mind. It is a vicious cycle. He started telling me about how my brain and thoughts have different pathways that we either create ourselves or we let others create for us (like our parents or teachers or friends). These pathways are well worn and easy to walk. They are comfortable.
As he was talking it reminded me of a conversation I had with a tiger yesterday.
Yes, you heard me right. I had a conversation (albeit, one sided) with a tiger yesterday.
I was at the zoo with a friend of mine. We had spent 2 hours wandering the zoo and talking with the animals. We had such a great time making up stories with the animals as main characters. The poor animals who looked miserable because of the very noisy geese just the other side of their cage....we made up stories about them and their noise neighbors. Or the baby monkey who wanted the empty bag that held their food but the older monkey wouldn't give it up. So we narrated for him. This is how we spent our time. It was great fun.
We got to the tiger. It was our last animal, and kind of a big one (pun intended). This is a new tiger to the zoo. We had lost our other one, and Boise mourned. Now we have a new one and she is beautiful. We walked up to her habitat and watched her walking along the fence and window line. I had noticed many different pathways that had been worn through the grass and dirt. I looked at the majestic creature and asked, "Are you going to walk the same paths your predecessor did, or are you going to create your own pathways?" My friend looked and said, "Well it looks like she will be waking the already worn paths." As the tiger walked the path our previous Tiger walked over and over and over again.
Today in therapy, once my therapist was done using his metaphor, I chimed in with my thought process. This tiger walked the path that was already laid out for it. Why? Probably because it was easier. Sure it wouldn't have taken much effort to create its own pathways through the grass. It would just take persistence and repetition, but it would be easy enough. Yet, there it was, walking the same old worn down paths of the previous tiger. My therapist looked at me a little amused and agreed with me. This is my task to undertake. My job is to create new pathways for my brain to walk on. I don't have to keep walking the same old tired paths. I can take a step to the left or right or diagonally and walk to the same destination I had wanted to reach, only this one (though may be difficult to bushwhack through) will be a more direct path to my happiness. It will take some persistence. It will take some imagination. It will take some courage. It will take some rest and then some get-up-and-go again. It will take some grace. It will take extra energy and attention. In the end, It will be worth it.
How many times have you taken a path that was laid for you? You didn't think twice. You just saw the path before you and assumed it was the path to take you to the right destination. Instead, you find yourself wandering the path and getting confused because you never get to where you want to be; instead you either keep twisting and turning coming up against obstacle after obstacle, or you find that it keeps taking you to the same ugly place and you never reach that beautiful garden or the beach with warm sand and sun shine. In order to reach those places, you may have to step off the beaten path and create a new one just for you. You don't have to take the path that your parents or teachers or friends have laid out for you. You have your own mind and can make your own decisions on what and how to think.
Which path are you going to take? I hope you to find you out there trailblazing your way to true happiness.
