January 22, 2017 How Do We Experience Peace During Conflict...and other thoughts.

This blog could be long.  I will try to keep it short, but you know me and how long winded I am.

First let me say, that this morning, unexplainably (Is that a word?) , I woke up entirely too early for a Sunday morning.  I was wide awake by 7:30 in the morning.  I stayed in bed and tried my best to fall back asleep, but apparently, my brain knew I needed to be in church this morning.  Boy was it right!

I got there early enough, that I was front row center.  I was by myself.  No biggie.  I introduced myself to the woman sitting a few chairs over.  She was leading songs today, and she was wearing the most beautiful colors, and I made sure to tell her so.  She was stunning.  And just as church was beginning to start, I noticed Susan Hawke, Naomi's 8th grade science teacher.  Susan is moving back to Boise from Oregon and we have stayed in contact via facebook for these years.  I waved at her, and she smiled her huge smile and walked right towards me.  She gave me the biggest, longest hug I have had in quite some time... and I felt her start to cry.  I only mention that because our church has a way of doing that to people who belong there.  Just this morning as I was driving to church, I thought to myself, "I am so going to cry today!".  There is something so very special about our church and our congregation and our minister and the energy there......so much love. It overwhelms you, and you start to cry (in a good way).  Anyway, Susan sat with me right up front.  We cried together at different times and held each other.  We are both going through things of our own, and it was just so amazing to have each other today.

As I sat there, with this amazing woman sitting beside me, I thought about how amazing it is and how grateful I am for the teachers that have come through Naomi's life. Two of them are friends with me on facebook, and I see them in different social circles.  Both Susan and Janet are also friends with Naomi on facebook.  Naomi always thinks it's weird to even want to refer to them by their first names.  But she adores these women.  They have both made a huge impact on her in different ways. Janet was her English teacher and Susan was her science teacher.  Actually, Janet also had my son Nate.  LOL.  But as I sat there beside Susan today, my heart filled with so much joy and appreciation for the amazing teachers and the connections they have made with my family.

Interestingly, today at church, the special music person that was supposed to be there today couldn't make it, and in their place came Belinda Bowler.  I have never heard her sing before.  She is very talented, with a beautiful voice.  And the very first song she sang, "Whitebark" by T. R. Ritchie, had me bawling.  Mostly because I had been thinking about all of the stress and all of the challenges and all of the changes that have happened in my life and I often wonder, "How the hell are you still standing, Martha?"  So by the time she was finished singing this song, I was a blubbering idiot.  And that was about the time, Susan and I started hugging and crying again.  LOL.

Here is T.R. Ritchie singing this song.   Here are the lyrics....

WHITEBARK

This is the life I have been given
These are the seasons of my time
And I am seeking out the light
According to design
I’ve weathered storms I cannot count
To make this world my home
In a place where small and twisted things
Can split the hardest stone

In one like me you might not see
how I have managed to exist
A fragile crooked rack of limbs
In terrain as rough as this
But to those who take their chances here
Experience has shown
That sometimes small and twisted things
Can split the hardest stone

So shed no tears of pity here
Spin no tales of tragic grace
Just let it be enough that life
Is blooming in this rocky place
It is the proof that seeds will grow
Wherever they are sown
And that sometimes small and twisted things
Can split the hardest stone

If that song wasn't enough to remind me why I was in church, Rev. Jackie got up on the pulpit and said she would be spending the next 3 weeks talking about finding Peace in Conflict.  My soul took a deep cleansing breath.  Conflict.  Yes.  Yes, facebook is FILLED with it right now.  But more importantly, what is going on with my mom is wrought with conflict.  It is pretty brutal.  There are really no words to describe what I have been witnessing and hearing.  It kind of makes what is happening in the world of politics look like The Happiest Place On Earth by comparison.    So yes, I needed to be in church today.  I was actually kind of hoping that I would be able to talk to my mom today about what I learned in church, but today was not the day.  But it WILL happen!  

One of the things I love about Rev. Jackie's talks is that she always sites some amazing books.  Today's was The Eye of the Storm by Gary Simmons.    And the question raised in this book is, "How do we experience peace in a world of conflict?"

Instantaneously, I thought about my mom.  I have been asking myself this question since this drama started.  "How can I find peace?"  More importantly, "How can I help my mom find peace?"  She is so hurt and feeling so attacked and betrayed.  

Rev. Jackie told us a story (which I am assuming is mentioned in this book mentioned above, but it might have been a story she herd from Gary Simmons personally) about Mr. Simmons getting an ayurvedic reading.  The Hindu  healers told him something to this effect, "No one is against you."  

There was a big long huge talk about this today, and I won't go into it all.  But it comes down to a couple of things.  The first, is what I truly believe... "The Universe if FOR me."  "I am the physical manifestation of the Divine, and this world was created for the Divine, and the Divine would not create conflict for itself."

If I feel as though I am in a conflict, I really need to step outside of myself and ask myself "why".  "Who have I become to allow and feel conflict in my life and what needs to be changed?" If I feel discomfort, it is a reflection of my own disconnection from what I know to be true, which is that I am the human manifestation of perfection.  I just need to get back to that.

So here is the other question.. "How would my life be different if I believed that no one is against me?"    "How would the world be different, if we ALL believed that NO ONE was against any of us?"

Then Rev. Jackie said something like this, "If we could move beyond the first basic human drive (which is personal safety) and reach the 2nd basic drive which is to connect with other and LOVE, then conflict would melt away."  Wow.  For me, this seem so surreal.  The idea of focusing on my "personal safety", while at first seems smart, also (upon further reflection) seems selfish.  If I could by pass that, and focus on connecting with other and sharing love, it would have a wider affect on this world.  It is proactive rather than re-active.

Then the part that I wanted to talk to my mom about was the directions given to us from the Master Teacher, Jesus.  1)  Love your enemies (Matthew 5:44)  2) Bless the conflict  (Luke 6:28)  3) Do good to those that hurt you (Luke 6:27)  4) Pray for those who despise and persecute you  (Luke 6:28).  There are several Bible verses that refer to these directives.    My mom is a devout Christian.  I am not.  However, I do believe in the teachings of Jesus because those teachings are about compassion, love, peace, service, and acceptance.  

Even if you are NOT a Christian and things the words above are a bunch of nonsense, I can tell you this.  If you have a conflict with someone, you can change the outcome, but simply changing you thoughts about that person.  In our old neighborhood, we had a woman who was the HOA president. NO ONE in the neighborhood liked her.  She came to our door at 10:30 at night and verbally assaulted my son for driving in "her" culdesac with his music turned up in his car.  We called her "The cranky old lady".  She was always reporting us for something.  She was always looking for trouble.  She was a miserable woman.  But one day, I just told my family, we needed to stop calling her "The cranky old lady" and start calling her by her real name.  We needed to send love and peace in her direction and expect it back.  And sure enough, not only was their peace in the neighborhood, but she and her husband moved away.  

No matter how bad a situation is or how hateful and spiteful a person can be, by taking a good look at yourself and making changes in your own thinking, you can resolve and bring peace and end the conflict you are feeling with the other person.  I have seen it happen.  I know this to be true.  

So yes, I will be talking to my mom about this.  Mostly because I hate seeing her so filled with anger.  And I want her to continue her friendships in the complex she is currently living in, and right now she says she never wants to go back there because she feels as though she is hated and unwanted and "Why would I want to go some place where I am not wanted?".    So yes, I will be sharing this with my mom, using the Bible verses (because that is how she will understand this.)

But in my own life, I too, need to practice this on so many levels.  Like with the woman who killed my son.  Rev. Jackie actually  used an example that was way too similar to my situation with Nick's death.  I thought I might lose it when she did that, but I made it through it without even crying.  I need to resolve that conflict with Michaeleen Blaire.....not for her..but for myself.  

So there ya have it........my thoughts on today's service!  Have a wonderful evening.. I'm off to burlesque!

January 17, 2017 In Memory of Stripes

It's been a very long time since I have lived in a house without a cat.... but as of today at about 4pm, we said goodbye to our beloved Stripes.......

Let's go back to the year 2000 (or so).  We already had 1 dog, an amazing Boston Terrier, but we decided that we would like a new dog.  We bought a puppy from a woman who had a litter.  She brought the puppy over to see if he would be a good match with Max, and he was.  But after several months, a huge hole in the carpet, frayed carpet at every place that met tile, wood furniture chewed up and destroyed, and finally a growl and snip at a 6 or 7 month old Naomi, we decided this dog was not going to work out.  We called the "breeder" and gave him back.  But this dog was supposed to be "Nate's dog". He was beside himself, so we agreed to  getting him a cat.

I was in the pet supply store that had a several cats up for adoption.  I had run in to take a look (leaving the kids in the car with Tracy).  There was a cat, he was grey striped and came up to my fingers in the cage and wanted to be petted.  He meowed at me.  He picked me.  All of the other cats couldn't care less.  But this one wanted to come home with us.  We brought Nate in, and he acted the same way.  Yes, this was going to be our cat.  We adopted him right away, and Nate named him Stripes.

This beautiful cat was only a year and a half.  Someone had owned him once.  They had declawed him and then took him to the Arizona desert and left him for dead.  Someone found him and took him to the shelter... and that is how we found him.

He was already trained.  He was beautiful.  He was sweet.  He loved to play.  He learned to use the doggy door to go in and out of the house.  He loved to hunt.

When we decided to move from Arizona to Idaho, he made the trip in the truck with me, the kids and Max.  He hated being lead on a leash to go to the bathroom.  But he survived that very long drive, and he learned to love Idaho.

When we moved to the house off Victory (that backed into the wetlands), Striped always brought us presents.  He brought us mice, birds and even a snake.  He would bring in live animals.  Let me tell you, getting a scared live bird out of a house is a tricky thing!

One time we had a mouse in our kitchen, and the only reason I knew is because Stripes would sit and stare at one spot for HOURS just waiting for a mouse.  I couldn't see it.  I couldn't hear it.  But Stripes knew it was there.  Eventually, I started finding evidence of the mouse, but still had not seen it or heard it.  I cleaned everything I could possible clean, and still the mouse hung out.  Finally, one day, while Stripes was carefully watching, the mouse made a mistake and striped went in for the kill.  Sure enough, the mouse was caught!

Stripes was an amazing hunter!

When we moved to this house 2 years ago, Stripes was furious.  He threw huge temper tantrums and pee'd on the old couch which was moved upstairs to the loft.  As a matter of fact, this trained cat who NEVER had accidents decided he would pee on anything that was left on the floor (including throw rugs).  I won't lie; over the last 2 years, I have cussed out that cat more times than I can count.  However, I never stopped loving him.  IT only took him about  year to stop being mad at me and started cuddling with me again, but in reality, he decided he was Tracy's cat.

He LOVED Tracy.  Every night, he would crawl on Tracy's lap and cuddle with him.  Tracy would play with him and rough house with him, and Stripes (even as recent as last week) just put up with it.  He didn't just put up with it, but he came back for more.  He LOVED Tracy.. no matter what Tracy did to him.

And let me not forget to say this... this might hunter, never once bothered Naomi's guinea pig, even when Annabelle was out in the open and easy to attack.  Stripes knew better.

Stripes knew if we weren't feeling well, he would come up and lay on top of us to love us until we felt better.  He loved the fire place and loved to lay in front of it.

He was the best kitty and he will be sorely missed.

Stripes, find Max and hang out like old times!!!!!  We love you!