When I was accepted into the Bristol Burlesque Festival, I was beside myself. But there is no way I could have been prepared for the reality of what it was! Before I start talking about my festival experience, I just want to take a moment to (once again) thank Tuesday Laveau and Dis Charge for inviting me to perform in their amazing festival. They invited me to bring my act "This Is Me" to Bristol. This act was a passion project for myself. It is everything to me and took 2 years to get on stage as I waited for the perfect song to show up.
I have performed "This Is Me" 3 times here in Idaho, and each time to great responses. But the response I got in Bristol was beyond imagination. The venue was tiny. It sat *maybe* 40 people maximum. I counted how many seats were there, but I have forgotten since then. I was entering from the back of the audience. So as the performer before me was on stage, I stood quietly at the back curtain and watched as she performed and the audience cheered. Then Dis Charge started to introduce me. It was the first of 2 shows. As he spoke his words, I felt my heart melt and my eyes start to tear up. "No crying before performing, Leazetta!" I felt my body start to quake. I NEVER get stage fright and I rarely get nervous and shaking before a performance is unheard of. But there I was, standing at the curtain, listening to Dis Charge sing my praises. I listen as he explains that burlesque can be political, angry, funny, and tender and moving. I will the shakes to go away. How am I suppose to get up on the stage gracefully with legs that are shaking so crazily? Were the things Dis was saying about me true? Could they be true? Am I THAT person? It would be nice if I were THAT person. The person he introduced was powerful, beautiful, amazing, talented, worthy of so much greatness, talented, and belonged on stages everywhere! Finally, he finishes his introduction and I hear my name, "Leazetta Rose", and then a bit of silence as I listen for the intro to my music through the clapping and cheering from the audience.
The music starts, I start walking slowly through the intro, making eye contact with the audience members. Those shakes I had been feeling during my intro have disappeared like they had never happened to begin with. The lyrics started playing, and I started serenading my audience members one at a time. I met their eyes and sang to them. I could feel the love in my eyes. I meant every single word that I lip synced to these beautiful people. I saw the expression in their faces. They were receiving the love I was sending out. They were feeling validated and seen. By the time I had reached the stage, I had made eye contact with just about everyone in that audience. They were already emotionally invested in my performance and it really hadn't even started. Once I stepped up onto that stage and turned around to face them and started on the next verse, I could hear the audience roaring. I could hear Dis (who was sitting with the audience to my right) "Yes, Queen!"
With each "This is me" phrase, more of me was revealed. With each powerful step I took, the audience cheered. The more REAL I became, the more I revealed of my scars and stretch marks..the more I loved my body, the more the audience cheered and felt freedom for themselves. I hit each one of my marks. It was glorious. It was the best performance of my life and I was so grateful. They were so loud I could barley hear my music. And then, it was over and I was carefully walking down the steep stairs down to the basement to do it all over again. In just a few minutes for the second show.
Between shows, Dis told me that I made him cry. I guess I have a way of doing that. And that statement usually comes with "Fuck you for making me feel something!". LOL To which I replied, "Ya, you made me cry too!".
The 2nd show had started. I was standing inside the curtain as Dis started introducing me again. I wish I had a video of that introduction. It was bigger and more fabulous than the first one. Again, I kept thinking to myself, "Do I really deserve all of those accolades? Is this really me? Am I the one he is describing?" I saw Frankie, my burlesque mom and friend, turn to look at me..her eyes were filled with pride and anticipation. My husband was looking at me and beaming. Dis was holding back tears. And this time, there were no nerves running through my body. Only gratitude for what I was about to do and for where I was and for how I got here. The audience was smaller this time around, but it was louder. It was filled with performers that were there for the rest of the weekend's shows. The music started, and I started my walk to the stage. I made eye contact with each person. I sang to them. I shared loved with them. Again, they were emotionally invested before I ever took to the stage. Again, I hit every mark. I could feel the power in the audience. The give and take that was happening was unbelievable. Frankie was cheering her heart out. The audience was so freaking loud, I couldn't even begin to hear my music, I could only hope that I was hitting all of the proper words and marks. Indeed, I was. Not only was I hitting them all, but I could feel it. I was the best performance I had ever done. Once I dropped my bra and the song ended, I stayed there in my last pose and let the audience cheer and sink it all in. I soaked up their praises and their love. I had done what I had gone there to do. I had accomplished my goals. My performance was pretty darn near perfect and my heart was bursting with joy. I finally curtsied and blew my kisses to the audience and walked off stage with a smile.
After the last curtain call of the evening, Frankie made a bee line to me in the hall way and hugged me like she has never hugged me before. She showed me the goosebumps I gave her. She was in tears telling me hit was the best performance she has ever seen me do. It was so very special and perfect to have my burlesque mom/mentor and friend be at my first festival and an international one to boot. It was perfect.
The other performers for that evening and the 2 that followed were stunning, spectacular, amazing, brave, fierce, fearless, bold, flawless, and above all genuine. I am so blessed to have shared stages and festival time with these performers. The ones I got to know from Germany, Switzerland, England and Wales have won over my heart and admiration. My burlesque family has grown and I couldn't be more grateful.
The little girl in me that was told I was too fat to be a ballerina was told she was beautiful and belonged on the stage. There is no more shame. I am every bit of the words that Dis used to describe me. I am a force to be reckoned with. My heart belongs on stage. My body belongs on stage.
The message I have for that little elementary school girl is this, "Dear, sweet, young Martha, be patient, be brave, be bold, be YOU! One day all those girls who tell you that you are too fat, will have given up on their dreams of dancing. They will have forgotten about you. They will have their own battles to fight. But YOU, YOU will become everything you have ever imagined and dreamt of. You will be brave, bold, fearless, authentic, joy filled, beautiful, divine, sparkly, adventurous, and a force to be reckoned with. You will become more than you ever thought you could. You will fight the political norms. You will fight the societal norms. You will love yourself just as you are no matter what comes your way. You WILL grace stage after stage both here in the states and abroad. Nothing will stop you! Keep going! Keep moving forward. Keep pushing away the haters and know that you are glorious, brave, and a warrior!"
